The 8th March dawns bright and sunny and from the centrally heated comfort of his bedroom Mr. Grumpy decides it's suitable weather for just a couple of layers. This is a serious mistake of which more later.

Fat-Boy is off for a few days with some white powder so there's just 7 Muffins divisible into Nance, Turbo and Cutie-Cutie followed by Brett, Tate, DJ and Mr. G. 

Tate brings the trees into play early doors with a couple of exciting sideways ricochets up the 1st fairway, but even prior to this Brett has uttered a cadence of around ten "bollocks" in despair at hs opening drive. It might be a long day.

Lawrence and Helen are in Spain so there are reserve caterers. These are of such antiquity that bread and dripping, powdered egg, acorn tea and ration cards are anticipated. The halfway scoring tot-up reveals a 1 point lead for the 4-ball. Turbo has an excellent 21 points but is being badly let down by Nance who's in cow's arse and banjo mode.

DJ is also having a bit of a mare, especially with his putting, but enlivens proceedings with a trick shot on 11. The ball lies in a hollow tine slit and a firm strike succeeds only in moving it one yard backwards. Around the 11th, the weather also changes. Clear blue skies turn grey and threatening and an icy shower starts. Aside from a lack of layers, Mr. Grumpy has no waterproofs and no brollie. A hook deep into the brambles down the 14th deepens the gloom. The ball is found, Mr. Grumpy whacks it out but on exiting the jungle, trips headlong over said bramble and executes a double somersault with pike into the swampy GUR. His playing partners head for the hills.

Despite earlier incompetance, DJ hits the shot of the day on the 17th, a mid-iron from the short fairway bunker to within 10  feet of the flag. This is no doubt helped by all the bunker practice he's had - but then he 3-stabs it anyway.

The safety of the clubhouse reveals an outstanding win for Turbo who's held his form for 39 points, two points ahead of Brett and a 10 point reward. But his joy is tempered by the fact he's played with two duffers who've cost him £4. 

An excellent collection of camels, OOB's and ducks swell the curry fund.

