Various knee problems and unexplained absences mean that only four Muffins set out in a dank, misty morning. It's Nance and Turbo vs DJ and Mr. Grumpy although by the end Turbo will argue that he hasn't actually had a partner at all.

In fact Turbo is a total pain in the arse; regularly splitting fairways, chipping stone dead and making best use of all his two-shotters to the extent that Nance only comes in on one hole on the front nine. At least DJ and Mr. Grumpy share responsibilities, but they trail by one at halfway. Then a run of 4,3, and 3 points edge them in front such that on the 18th tee, they lead the back nine whilst the match is all square.

But if you have tears, prepare to shed them now.

From a decent drive down 18 DJ nobbles his second under a tree then manages to knock his third onto the brow of the hill. He then duffs his wedge into the brook. A few shots later and he's out of the equation.

From an equally promising drive Mr. Grumpy cuts a rescue onto the right of the fairway 135 yards out and then fats an 8 iron into the purple tree. It falls into the clear from where he fats a wedge short of the green and then duffs a chip followed by another chip and a couple of putts.

The end result is two blobs leaving a rare contribution of 2 points from Nance to claim the £4. Never has an orange and lemonade tasted quite so sour.

Turbo then has to leave early presumably for a spell in traction having carried Nance all the way round. Not that your correspondent is at all bitter.