Only 4 Muffins on Open Championship Sunday and there are fears for Nance's offspring who will be sent off to play in the traffic on their new bikes while Nance gives Turnberry his full attention. 

Mr. Grumpy opines that as he and Tom Watson are the same age, had he bothered to enter the Open presumably he would have had just as much chance of winning it. (As it turns out Watson plays the extra 4 holes almost as badly as Mr. Grumpy would have played all 72).

Brett partners Fat-Boy and Turbo pairs up with Mr. Grumpy and courtesy of numerous single putts by Mr. G, the higher handicappers nick the front 9. However, the wheels come off and they lose the back 9 and the match. Mr. Grumpy collects the camels to cement his position at the head of the fines table.

The Open Championship turns out to be a disappointment. From an overnight position whereby any of those players genuinely in contention would have been acceptable winners, they all bottle it to let in a desperately dull, God-bothering yank with a two-tone bonce and all the personality of a traffic cone. The R&A Championship Committee urgently needs some fresh blood on it to legislate against such eventualities.

It is hoped that next week results in a better turn out, although with Tate still in RSA and Nance being seduced to resign the Muffin franchise to appear in a regular fantabudozy 4 ball with Cathy Krankie, doubts remain.