DJ's back is playing up so it's just the seven Muffins on another glorious Autumn morning. Another non-controversial toss sees Fat-Boy Slim, Cutie-Cuitie and Turbo head out with Brett, Nance, Mr. Grumpy and Tate to bring up the rear.

Cutie-Cutie decides he doesn't fancy the first fairway, so tacks up the 18th but then changes his mind and decides to play the 1st in the reverse direction on the 2nd. A two-blob start is the result. Tate murders the 1st for a 4 pointer, a feat he repeats on the 9th for another 4 pointer, but an outward 9 total of 16 tells its' own story.

Brett de-ducks on the 2nd, Turbo also ducks on the front 9 and Fat-Boy, trying to be helpful, tries to scoop it out but succeeds only in plastering Cutie-Cutie with pond weed. Fat-Boy and Cutie-Cutie are then both in the trees on the 8th whereby Fat-Boy spots some mistletoe. Cutie-Cutie declines a snog.

Tate duck-hooks his drive for an OOB on the 11th and a shout of F**K OFF IAN! has the residents of several near-by houses sitting up in bed - and from there, it goes downhill.

Match-wise it's a straightforward £4 for the 4-ball with Brett sweeping all before him for 40 stableford points and a max ten on the Muffin scale. Tate and Turbo stick in enough fines money for a couple of main courses with garlic naan's and Bombay potatoes.

Anyone wanting a Callaway square driver should apply to Mr Taylor - but very quickly should they prefer it all in one piece.