(961,'2010-05-08','2010-05-08 14:00:00',13,83,159,159,'','2010-05-09 11:24:26',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,38,24,190,6,14,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,960,1,1),
(962,'2010-05-09','2010-05-09 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-10 12:11:34',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,38,22,149,5,8,'With Villa\'s last match and tour fatigue decimating the field it\'s an unpopular 5-ball for the 9th May. Fat-Boy decides to play with Turbo (wisely) and Mr. Grumpy (un-wisely), leaving the Bicker twins to resume hostilities.\r\n\r\nIn the event Fat-Boy builds on his Tour victory, ably supported by Turbo, to compile a resounding team and individual triumph. Nance can\'t hit his hat and Mr. Grumpy can\'t even find one, although, for the first time in 4 days he completes his round with the ball he starts with. The impartial observer would have been justified in thinking that Brett had been on Tour as well. All in all an undistinguished morning. \r\n\r\n\"The game of two halves\" prize is awarded to Turbo (22 and 12) and Mr. Grumpy collects a bakers-dozen of camels to extend his lead in the fines table.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(963,'2010-05-09','2010-05-09 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-09 16:15:32',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,38,22,149,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,962,1,1),
(964,'2010-05-09','2010-05-09 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-09 16:15:32',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,38,22,149,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,962,1,1),
(965,'2010-05-09','2010-05-09 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-09 16:30:53',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,38,22,149,5,8,'With Villa\'s last match and tour fatigue decimating the field it\'s an unpopular 5-ball for the 9th May. Fat-Boy decides to play with Turbo (wisely) and Mr. Grumpy (un-wisely), leaving the Bicker twins to resume hostilities.\r\n\r\nIn the event Fat-Boy builds on his Tour victory, ably supported by Turbo, to compile a resounding team and individual triumph. Nance can\'t hit his hat and Mr. Grumpy can\'t even find one, although, for the first time in 4 days he completes his round with the ball he starts with. The impartial observer would have been justified in thinking that Brett had been on Tour as well. All in all and indistinguished morning. \r\n\r\n\"The game of two halves\" prize is awarded to Turbo (22 and 12) and Mr. Grumpy collects a bakers-dozen of camels to extend his lead in the fines table.',1,'','',200,962,1,1),
(966,'2010-05-06','2010-05-06 08:00:00',13,153,180,180,'','2010-05-06 19:52:02',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,18,169,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,954,1,1),
(967,'2010-05-06','2010-05-06 08:00:00',13,153,180,180,'','2010-05-09 16:36:07',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,18,169,6,8,'Day 1 of the 2010 (mini) Tour and having passed through a monsoon at Weston super Mare, the boys arrive at Burnham and Berrow for a spot of scran. This allows the weather to sort itself out and commensurate with Mr. Grumpy\'s fabled organisational skills, the sun comes out for a fine afternoon.',1,'','',200,954,1,1),
(968,'2010-05-07','2010-05-07 08:00:00',13,93,176,176,'','2010-05-07 15:50:41',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,31,33,24,170,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,956,1,1),
(969,'2010-05-07','2010-05-07 15:00:00',13,92,168,168,'','2010-05-07 20:41:51',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,38,26,188,6,15,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,958,1,1),
(970,'2010-05-08','2010-05-08 14:00:00',13,83,159,159,'','2010-05-09 11:24:26',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,38,24,190,6,14,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,960,1,1),
(971,'2010-05-08','2010-05-08 14:00:00',13,83,159,159,'','2010-05-09 11:24:26',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,38,24,190,6,14,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,960,1,1),
(972,'2010-05-08','2010-05-08 14:00:00',13,83,159,159,'','2010-05-09 17:34:52',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,38,24,190,6,14,'Royal North Devon or \"Westwood Ho! is not for the faint-hearted. Open, wind-swept, shit-strewn (even before Bainey), it lies under a lowering sky largely unchanged since Old Tom Morris made a rare excursion away from his beloved St Andrews to potter about with a trowel and a few flags.\r\n\r\nIn the eyes of Mr. Grumpy it\'s a gem, golf as originally envisaged and just as God intended. In Nance\'s opinion it would benefit from the attentions of a tractor and a couple of hundred-weight of seed potatoes.\r\n\r\n\"Chacun a son gou\" as they say.\r\n\r\nOver a leisurely lunch the rain abates and DJ, Tate, and Bainey lead the way, followed by Fat-Boy, Nance and Mr. Grumpy. ',1,'','',200,960,1,1),
(973,'2010-05-08','2010-05-08 14:00:00',13,83,159,159,'','2010-05-09 17:35:05',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,38,24,190,6,14,'Royal North Devon or \"Westwood Ho! is not for the faint-hearted. Open, wind-swept, shit-strewn (even before Bainey), it lies under a lowering sky largely unchanged since Old Tom Morris made a rare excursion away from his beloved St Andrews to potter about with a trowel and a few flags.\r\n\r\nIn the eyes of Mr. Grumpy it\'s a gem, golf as originally envisaged and just as God intended. In Nance\'s opinion it would benefit from the attentions of a tractor and a couple of hundred-weight of seed potatoes.\r\n\r\n\"Chacun a son gou\" as they say.\r\n\r\nOver a leisurely lunch the rain abates and DJ, Tate, and Bainey lead the way, followed by Fat-Boy, Nance and Mr. Grumpy. ',1,'','',200,960,1,1),
(974,'2010-05-08','2010-05-08 14:00:00',13,83,159,159,'','2010-05-09 17:58:14',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,38,24,190,6,14,'Royal North Devon or \"Westwood Ho! is not for the faint-hearted. Open, wind-swept, shit-strewn (even before Bainey), it lies under a Turner-esque sky largely unchanged since Old Tom Morris made a rare excursion away from his beloved St Andrews to potter about with a trowel and a few flags.\r\n\r\nIn the eyes of Mr. Grumpy it\'s a gem, golf as originally envisaged and just as God intended. In Nance\'s opinion it would benefit from the attentions of a tractor and a couple of hundred-weight of seed potatoes.\r\n\r\n\"Chacun a son gou\" as they say.\r\n\r\nOver a leisurely lunch in the unique clubhouse the rain abates and DJ, Tate, and Bainey lead the way, followed by Fat-Boy, Nance and Mr. Grumpy. \r\n\r\nThe first 7 or 8 holes are into a strong gale which causes numerous problems including banana shots, bunker mayhem, lies in rabbit holes and lies in spiny, spikey things and slick windswept greens . The next 5 holes are generally with the wind, but involve playing over the infamous player-devouring \"triffids\". The final 5 holes are a piece of piss.\r\n\r\nTate\'s renaissance is complete and another 38 points, ably supported by Bainey allow him to collect both the individual and team honours. Fat-Boy scores a creditable 34 which, in tandem with steady performances throughout the Tour deservedly brings him the 2010 Tour title.\r\n\r\nA good three days during which - and despite all indications to the contrary- no waterproofs and umbrellas were ever required. Excellent courses - although Mr. Grumpy\'s opinion of RNDGC is somewhat less rosy and , as ever excellent company.\r\n\r\nFurther research has revealed that Ilfracombe is yet to be \"twinned\" with any other town, but that it has a suicide pact with both Chernobyl and Bhopal.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,960,1,1),
(975,'2010-05-07','2010-05-07 15:00:00',13,92,168,168,'','2010-05-09 17:24:45',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,38,26,188,6,15,'The assault on the East Course commences at 3pm and Fat-Boy\'s prestidigitation pairs him with Bainey and DJ leaving Nance, Tate and Mr. Grumpy to bring up the rear.\r\n\r\nNance starts birdie-blob-birdie but the pressure of long, unreachable par fours into the wind is starting to takes its toll. After two successive scores in the 30\'s Mr. Grumpy is also starting to lose it, principally through an inability to look at the ball. However, up steps Tate. It\'s still a \"provisional\" on nearly every hole, but success in finding the first attempt is allows him to build a total.\r\n\r\nIn the event, 38 stableford points is an unassailable lead and allows him and his compadres to take the money by a bus-ride. Bainey is the only man who stays in touch with a useful 34 points. DJ\'s trouble on the greens remain with his glasses suggesting that every hole is about 3 feet nearer than it actually is.\r\n\r\nSo, back to Ilfracombe for an Indian, a few pints and another unsuccessful attempt to find any reason why the entire place shouldn\'t be closed down and evacuated for good. The Ilfracombe tourist office\'s strapline of \"Curious Coastal Charm\" is as unconvincing as DJ\'s putting stroke.\r\n\r\n ',1,'','',200,958,1,1),
(976,'2010-05-09','2010-05-09 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-09 16:32:46',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,38,22,149,5,8,'With Villa\'s last match and tour fatigue decimating the field it\'s an unpopular 5-ball for the 9th May. Fat-Boy decides to play with Turbo (wisely) and Mr. Grumpy (un-wisely), leaving the Bicker twins to resume hostilities.\r\n\r\nIn the event Fat-Boy builds on his Tour victory, ably supported by Turbo, to compile a resounding team and individual triumph. Nance can\'t hit his hat and Mr. Grumpy can\'t even find one, although, for the first time in 4 days he completes his round with the ball he starts with. The impartial observer would have been justified in thinking that Brett had been on Tour as well. All in all an indistinguished morning. \r\n\r\n\"The game of two halves\" prize is awarded to Turbo (22 and 12) and Mr. Grumpy collects a bakers-dozen of camels to extend his lead in the fines table.',1,'','',200,962,1,1),
(977,'2010-05-17','2010-05-17 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-17 15:08:49',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,1,1),
(978,'2010-05-17','2010-05-17 08:00:00',15,2,89,89,'','2010-05-17 15:13:12',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,1,1),
(979,'2010-05-16','2010-05-16 08:00:00',15,2,89,89,'','2010-05-17 15:15:00',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,1,1),
(980,'2010-05-16','2010-05-16 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-17 15:43:49',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,38,16,171,6,8,'Fat-Boy\'s off playing with his other friends so Nance self-appoints himself Deputy Tosser and sets off with Brett and Tate in tow, - wise choice.\r\n\r\nIt\'s strictly no-contest as Brett leads the pack with an excellent witter-free 38 points and, aided and abetted by Nance, claims £4 each for his pals. The least said about DJ, Turbo and Tate\'s day the better but Mr. Grumpy, having experienced an all-day lesson at The Forest of Arden the previous day, finds something of a golf game. \"Wholesale incompetence\" is upgraded to \"mere mediocrity\" on the Muffin Scale. All he needs now is a lengthy spell on a psychiatrist\'s couch and the renaissance will be complete. \r\n\r\nIt\'s also rumoured that Cutie-Cutie has been given the all-clear to hit some balls on the range, so a return to action and a share of sandwich purchasing can\'t be too far distant. OWL fines will resume shortly.\r\n\r\nFinally, Nance\'s quiet lager-shandy on the terrace is cut dramatically short by the appearance of Julie, Ryan and Elliot. Unfortunately Julie is on the mobile phone and within ten seconds of her arrival is admonished firstly by the Lady President and secondly, the ever-watchful Fat-Boy who spots the offence from fully 20 yards away. Nance beats a hasty retreat.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(981,'2010-05-16','2010-05-16 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-17 15:20:13',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,38,16,171,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,980,1,1),
(982,'2010-05-16','2010-05-16 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-17 15:20:13',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,38,16,171,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,980,1,1),
(983,'2010-05-23','2010-05-23 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-24 08:52:46',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,26,208,7,8,'The warmest day of the year and only Cutie-Cutie is absent. Apparently he\'s been seen hitting balls, so the come-back cannot be too far away. \r\n\r\nHowever, there is a risk that the remedial work on his spine will have altered his swing plane and thus steepened his angle of attack, resulting in a high ball flight. Only time will tell.\r\n\r\nThe start is momentarily delayed whilst Fat-Boy finishes his coffee and fag but, eventually, he decides to restore the previous week\'s combination of DJ, Turbo and Mr. Grumpy - with similarly ineffectual results. Mr. Grumpy is fresh from the latest session with his swing guru and much like Henry Wadworth Longfellow\'s little girl, when it was good, it was very, very good but when it was bad it was horrid.\r\n\r\nThe match was no contest and Nance collects the ten points but it\'s an exceptional day on the camels/OOB\'s front with 30 of the former and 7 of the latter. Tate, Fat-Boy, Turbo and Mr. Grumpy are the benefactors.\r\n\r\nThe back 9 is enlivened by Brett who muses on Tate\'s bachelor status. Tall, good-looking (beauty being in the eye of the beholder - obviously), wealthy, confident, possesed of enviable transport, - why is this modern-day Olympian not possesed of a girlfriend/wife/mistress and thus a regular supply of sex and gravy dinners? Unfulfilled potential obviously.\r\n\r\nHe could be a lawyer with stratagems and ruses\r\nHe could be a doctor with poultices and bruises\r\nHe could be a writer with a growing reputation\r\nHe could be the ticket man on Fulham Broadway station\r\n\r\nWhat a waste.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(984,'2010-05-23','2010-05-23 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-23 21:06:25',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,26,208,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,983,1,1),
(985,'2010-05-23','2010-05-23 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-23 21:06:25',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,26,208,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,983,1,1),
(986,'2010-05-23','2010-05-23 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-24 08:50:18',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,26,208,7,8,'The warmest day of the year and only Cutie-Cutie is absent. Apparently he\'s been seen hitting balls, so the come-back cannot be too far away. \r\n\r\nHowever, there is a risk that the remedial work on his spine will have altered his swing plane and thus steepened his angle of attack, resulting in a high ball flight. Only time will tell.\r\n\r\nThe start is momentarily delayed whilst Fat-Boy finishes his coffee and fag but, eventually, he decides to restore the previous week\'s combination of DJ, Turbo and Mr. Grumpy - with similarly ineffectual results. Mr. Grumpy is fresh from the latest session with his swing guru and much like XXX, when it was good, it was very, very good but when it was bad it was awful.\r\n\r\nThe match was no contest and Nance collects the ten points but it\'s an exceptional day on the camels/OOB\'s front with 30 of the former and 7 of the latter. Tate, Fat-Boy, Turbo and Mr. Grumpy are the benefactors.\r\n\r\nThe back 9 is enlivened by Brett who muses on Tate\'s bachelor status. Tall, good-looking (beauty being in the eye of the beholder - obviously), wealthy, confident, possesed of enviable transport, - why is this modern-day Olympian not possesed of a girlfriend/wife/mistress and thus a regular supply of sex and gravy dinners? Unfulfilled potential obviously.\r\n\r\nHe could be a lawyer with stratagems and ruses\r\nHe could be a doctor with poultices and bruises\r\nHe could be a writer with a growing reputation\r\nHe could be the ticket man on Fulham Broadway station\r\n\r\nWhat a waste.',1,'','',200,983,1,1),
(987,'2010-05-30','2010-05-30 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-31 09:27:12',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,27,124,4,8,'Having passed a fitness test on Thursday night under the watchful eye of the Grumpster, it\'s a welcome return to sandwich buying for Cutie-Cutie who makes up a four-ball with a number of other Muffins being elsewhere.\r\n\r\nHe partners Brett to a narrow victory by just the one point over Nance and Mr. Grumpy with the two nines shared. Claiming a dodgy handicap of 14 (which examination of Winter 2009/10 records actually proves to be 13.15) Cutie-Cutie also takes the 10 Muffin\'s points with a creditable 36. Brett has a game of two halves - wittering and non-wittering, Nance is shagged out after 72 holes in 3 days and Mr. Grumpy is just crap and racks up another shed-load of fines.\r\n\r\nThe main topic of conversation is the Eurovision Song Contest in which the United Kingdom, despite leading the world in popular music for the last four decades, contrives to come last - again. It is noted that our only votes came from Albania, Azerbaijan, Ireland and the Netherlands and thus only these countries should be considered for any upcoming holidays in the Euro-Zone and support, where applicable, in the World Cup. \r\n\r\nUnless any of the others are playing Germany, obviously.\r\n\r\nOr Australia.\r\n\r\nAnd Argentina.\r\n\r\nPS. Bored at work? Mr. Grumpy\'s New Zealand photos are now on the website.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(988,'2010-05-30','2010-05-30 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-30 22:15:51',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,27,124,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,987,1,1),
(989,'2010-05-30','2010-05-30 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-30 22:15:51',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,27,124,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,987,1,1),
(990,'2010-05-30','2010-05-30 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-30 22:42:17',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,27,124,4,8,'Having passed a fitness test on Thursday night under the watchful eye of the Grumpster, it\'s a welcome return to sandwich buying for Cutie-Cutie who makes up a four-ball with a number of other Muffins being elsewhere.\r\n\r\nHe partners Brett to a narrow victory by just the one point over Nance and Mr. Grumpy with the two nines shared. Claiming a dodgy handicap of 14 (which examination of Winter 2009/10 records actually proves to be 13.15) Cutie-Cutie also takes the 10 Muffins points with a creditable 36. Brett has a game of two halves - wittering and non-wittering, Nance is shagged out after 72 holes in 3 days and Mr. Grumpy is just crap and racks up another shed-load of fines.\r\n\r\nThe main topic of conversation is the Eurovision Song Contest in which the United Kingdom, despite leading the world in popular music for the last four decades, contrives to come last - again. It is noted that our only votes came from Albania, Azerbaijan, Ireland and the Netherlands and thus only these countries should be considered for any upcoming holidays in the Euro-Zone and support, where applicable, in the World Cup. \r\n\r\nUnless any of the others are playing Germany, obviously.',1,'','',200,987,1,1),
(991,'2010-05-30','2010-05-30 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-05-30 22:45:48',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,27,124,4,8,'Having passed a fitness test on Thursday night under the watchful eye of the Grumpster, it\'s a welcome return to sandwich buying for Cutie-Cutie who makes up a four-ball with a number of other Muffins being elsewhere.\r\n\r\nHe partners Brett to a narrow victory by just the one point over Nance and Mr. Grumpy with the two nines shared. Claiming a dodgy handicap of 14 (which examination of Winter 2009/10 records actually proves to be 13.15) Cutie-Cutie also takes the 10 Muffin\'s points with a creditable 36. Brett has a game of two halves - wittering and non-wittering, Nance is shagged out after 72 holes in 3 days and Mr. Grumpy is just crap and racks up another shed-load of fines.\r\n\r\nThe main topic of conversation is the Eurovision Song Contest in which the United Kingdom, despite leading the world in popular music for the last four decades, contrives to come last - again. It is noted that our only votes came from Albania, Azerbaijan, Ireland and the Netherlands and thus only these countries should be considered for any upcoming holidays in the Euro-Zone and support, where applicable, in the World Cup. \r\n\r\nUnless any of the others are playing Germany, obviously.\r\n\r\nOr Australia.\r\n\r\nAnd Argentina.',1,'','',200,987,1,1),
(992,'2010-06-06','2010-06-06 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-07 13:43:09',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,37,29,227,7,8,'It\'s supposed to be raining early doors and then clearing up such that Mr. Grumpy\'s barbeque (to which only one other Muffin is invited) can proceed without interruption. \r\n\r\nInstead of which it\'s a lovely morning followed by a monsoon just as Mr. Grumpy fires up the charcoal. Fortunately the Grumpster is three-parts pissed by this point and is beyond caring.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy selects DJ and Tate as his pals and heads up the 1st fairway. By the time Mr. Grumpy, (in cahoots with Nance, Turbo and Brett), arrives at a sapling to the left of the 1st fairway, which is 45 degrees from the 2nd tee, he thinks he\'s probably safe in concentrating on his chip-out. \r\n\r\nNot so.\r\n\r\nTate has targetted him and in the first of a never-ending sequence of \"fore-left\" (or \"right\") shouts has Mr. Grumpy ducking for cover. This is repeated on the 3rd where some members practice-putting are in mortal danger and Fat-Boy and DJ pop into the Pro shop looking for throat sweets.\r\n\r\nAt the sarnies, the match is all square, but Tate chooses this moment to entertain the crowd by bashing a couple of balls into the hedge and from that point the game is all but over with a convincing win to the 4 ball. In true Muffins tradition there are plenty of \"games of two halves\". Mr. Grumpy transforms a excellent front-nine 21 into an abject back nine 13, whilst Nance and Brett contrive significant back-nine recoveries. By contrast Turbo is Mr Steady Eddy.\r\n\r\nNance transforms his Saturday Medal \"first loser\" nett 64 into another Muffin ten-pointer to consolidate his lead in the Summer table.\r\n\r\nThe true winner is the fines kitty and Mr. Grumpy\'s back pocket bulges with swag.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(993,'2010-06-06','2010-06-06 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-06 14:24:26',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,37,30,228,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,992,1,1),
(994,'2010-06-06','2010-06-06 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-06 14:24:26',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,37,29,227,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,992,1,1),
(995,'2010-06-06','2010-06-06 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-06 14:24:26',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,37,29,227,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,992,1,1),
(996,'2010-06-06','2010-06-06 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-07 13:36:41',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,37,29,227,7,8,'It\'s supposed to be raining early doors and then clearing up such that Mr. Grumpy\'s barbeque (to which only one other Muffin is invited) can proceed without interruption. Instead of which it\'s a lovely morning followed by a monsoon just as Mr. Grumpy fires up the charcoal. Fortunately the Grumpster is three-parts pissed by this point and is beyond caring.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy selects DJ and Tate as his pals and heads up the first. By the time Mr. Grumpy, (in cahoots with Nance, Turbo and Brett), arrives at a sapling to the left of the 1st fairway which is 45 degrees from the 2nd tee, he thinks he\'s probably safe in concentrating on his chip-out. \r\n\r\nNot so.\r\n\r\nTate has targetted him and in the first of a never-ending sequence of \"fore-left\" (or \"right\") shouts has Mr. Grumpy ducking for cover. This is repeated on the 3rd where some members practice-putting are in mortal danger and Fat-Boy pops into the Pro shop looking for throat sweets.\r\n\r\nAt the sarnies, the match is all square, but Tate chooses this moment to entertain the crowd by bashing a couple of balls into the hedge and from that point the game is all but over with a convincing win to the 4 ball. In true Muffins tradition there are plenty of \"games of two halves\". Mr. Grumpy transforms a excellent front-nine 21 into an abject back nine 13, whilst Nance and Brett contrive significant back-nine recoveries.\r\n\r\nNance transforms his Saturday Medal \"first loser\" nett 64 into another Muffin ten-pointer to consolidate his lead in the Summer table.\r\n\r\nThe true winner is the fines kitty and Mr. Grumpy\'s back pocket bulges with swag.',1,'','',200,992,1,1),
(997,'2010-06-13','2010-06-13 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-14 10:03:02',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,42,27,201,6,8,'Nance and Fat-Boy have a Summer 4 Ball so it\'s just the 6 Muffins. There\'s an early crisis when it\'s realised that both the Chief and Deputy Tossers are absent. Mr. Grumpy is reluctantly thrust into the limelight and in a performance reminiscent of an England goalkeeper, begins by dropping balls onto the path and then conducting the 1st toss with only 5 balls.\r\n\r\nHaving conquered his nerves he picks Cutie-Cutie and Brett as his partners, leaving the Villa Boys to debate the enigma that is Emile Heskey for the next 4 hours. In the event their status on the 1st tee is gazumped by the aforesaid Summer 4 Ball and they have to slope off to the 3rd.\r\n\r\nThey say that two things in life are unavoidable - death and taxes. For Brett, add the stream in front of the 2nd green. However, the water level is low and despite the ball lying behind a large rock, Brett de-ducks to 4 feet.\r\n\r\nIn another break with tradition, Brett\'s clubs are actually clean, the result of discovering a decomposed banana in the bottom of his bag which made the grips rather tackier than necessary.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie is on the top of his backswing on the 4th tee when Fat-Boy\'s ball scurries through his legs with the result that no one knows where his tee shot has gone. Fortunately it\'s discovered in the left hand rough.\r\n\r\nAt the half way point is clear that Brett, Cutie-Cutie and Mr. Grumpy are onto a winner and the main topic of conversation is by how much will Mr. Grumpy\'s back 9 descend into the usual farce. The answer is \"not much\" and he holds both his nerve and temper to register his first ten-pointer of the Summer and, uniquely, no fines.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(998,'2010-06-13','2010-06-13 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-13 20:51:27',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,42,27,201,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,997,1,1),
(999,'2010-06-13','2010-06-13 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-13 20:51:27',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,42,27,201,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,997,1,1),
(1000,'2010-06-13','2010-06-13 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-14 09:57:54',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,42,27,201,6,8,'Nance and Fat-Boy have a Summer 4 Ball so it\'s just the 6 Muffins. There\'s an early crisis when it\'s realised that both the Chief and Deputy Tosser\'s are absent. Mr. Grumpy is reluctantly thrust into the limelight and in a performance reminiscent of an England goalkeeper, begins by dropping balls onto the path and then conducting the 1st toss with only 5 balls.\r\n\r\nHaving conquered his nerves he picks Cutie-Cutie and Brett as his partners, leaving the Villa Boys to debate the enigma that is Emile Heskey for the next 4 hours. In the event their status on the 1st tee is gazumped by the aforesaid Summer 4 Ball and they have to slope off to the 3rd.\r\n\r\nThey say that two things in life are unavoidable - death and taxes. For Brett, add the stream in front of the 2nd green. However, the water level is low and despite the ball lying behind a large rock, Brett de-ducks to 4 feet.\r\n\r\nIn another break with tradition, Brett\'s clubs are actually clean, the result of discovering a decomposed banana in the bottom of his bag which made the grips rather tackier than necessary.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie is on the top of his backswing on the 4th tee when Fat-Boy\'s ball scurries through his legs with the result that no one knows where his tee shot has gone. Fortunately it\'s discovered in the left hand rough.\r\n\r\nAt the half way point is clear that Brett, Cutie-Cutie and Mr. Grumpy are onto a winner and the main topic of conversation is by how much will Mr. Grumpy\'s\r\nback 9 descend into the usual farce. The answer is \"not much\" and he holds his nerve and temper to register his first ten-pointer of the Summer and, uniquely, no fines.',1,'','',200,997,1,1),
(1001,'2010-06-13','2010-06-13 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-14 09:59:31',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,42,27,201,6,8,'Nance and Fat-Boy have a Summer 4 Ball so it\'s just the 6 Muffins. There\'s an early crisis when it\'s realised that both the Chief and Deputy Tosser\'s are absent. Mr. Grumpy is reluctantly thrust into the limelight and in a performance reminiscent of an England goalkeeper, begins by dropping balls onto the path and then conducting the 1st toss with only 5 balls.\r\n\r\nHaving conquered his nerves he picks Cutie-Cutie and Brett as his partners, leaving the Villa Boys to debate the enigma that is Emile Heskey for the next 4 hours. In the event their status on the 1st tee is gazumped by the aforesaid Summer 4 Ball and they have to slope off to the 3rd.\r\n\r\nThey say that two things in life are unavoidable - death and taxes. For Brett, add the stream in front of the 2nd green. However, the water level is low and despite the ball lying behind a large rock, Brett de-ducks to 4 feet.\r\n\r\nIn another break with tradition, Brett\'s clubs are actually clean, the result of discovering a decomposed banana in the bottom of his bag which made the grips rather tackier than necessary.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie is on the top of his backswing on the 4th tee when Fat-Boy\'s ball scurries through his legs with the result that no one knows where his tee shot has gone. Fortunately it\'s discovered in the left hand rough.\r\n\r\nAt the half way point is clear that Brett, Cutie-Cutie and Mr. Grumpy are onto a winner and the main topic of conversation is by how much will Mr. Grumpy\'s\r\nback 9 descend into the usual farce. The answer is \"not much\" and he holds his nerve and temper to register his first ten-pointer of the Summer and, uniquely, no fines.',1,'','',200,997,1,1),
(1002,'2010-06-13','2010-06-13 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-14 10:00:38',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,42,27,201,6,8,'Nance and Fat-Boy have a Summer 4 Ball so it\'s just the 6 Muffins. There\'s an early crisis when it\'s realised that both the Chief and Deputy Tosser\'s are absent. Mr. Grumpy is reluctantly thrust into the limelight and in a performance reminiscent of an England goalkeeper, begins by dropping balls onto the path and then conducting the 1st toss with only 5 balls.\r\n\r\nHaving conquered his nerves he picks Cutie-Cutie and Brett as his partners, leaving the Villa Boys to debate the enigma that is Emile Heskey for the next 4 hours. In the event their status on the 1st tee is gazumped by the aforesaid Summer 4 Ball and they have to slope off to the 3rd.\r\n\r\nThey say that two things in life are unavoidable - death and taxes. For Brett, add the stream in front of the 2nd green. However, the water level is low and despite the ball lying behind a large rock, Brett de-ducks to 4 feet.\r\n\r\nIn another break with tradition, Brett\'s clubs are actually clean, the result of discovering a decomposed banana in the bottom of his bag which made the grips rather tackier than necessary.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie is on the top of his backswing on the 4th tee when Fat-Boy\'s ball scurries through his legs with the result that no one knows where his tee shot has gone. Fortunately it\'s discovered in the left hand rough.\r\n\r\nAt the half way point is clear that Brett, Cutie-Cutie and Mr. Grumpy are onto a winner and the main topic of conversation is by how much will Mr. Grumpy\'s back 9 descend into the usual farce. The answer is \"not much\" and he holds his nerve and temper to register his first ten-pointer of the Summer and, uniquely, no fines.',1,'','',200,997,1,1),
(1003,'2010-06-13','2010-06-13 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-14 10:01:55',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,42,27,201,6,8,'Nance and Fat-Boy have a Summer 4 Ball so it\'s just the 6 Muffins. There\'s an early crisis when it\'s realised that both the Chief and Deputy Tossers are absent. Mr. Grumpy is reluctantly thrust into the limelight and in a performance reminiscent of an England goalkeeper, begins by dropping balls onto the path and then conducting the 1st toss with only 5 balls.\r\n\r\nHaving conquered his nerves he picks Cutie-Cutie and Brett as his partners, leaving the Villa Boys to debate the enigma that is Emile Heskey for the next 4 hours. In the event their status on the 1st tee is gazumped by the aforesaid Summer 4 Ball and they have to slope off to the 3rd.\r\n\r\nThey say that two things in life are unavoidable - death and taxes. For Brett, add the stream in front of the 2nd green. However, the water level is low and despite the ball lying behind a large rock, Brett de-ducks to 4 feet.\r\n\r\nIn another break with tradition, Brett\'s clubs are actually clean, the result of discovering a decomposed banana in the bottom of his bag which made the grips rather tackier than necessary.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie is on the top of his backswing on the 4th tee when Fat-Boy\'s ball scurries through his legs with the result that no one knows where his tee shot has gone. Fortunately it\'s discovered in the left hand rough.\r\n\r\nAt the half way point is clear that Brett, Cutie-Cutie and Mr. Grumpy are onto a winner and the main topic of conversation is by how much will Mr. Grumpy\'s back 9 descend into the usual farce. The answer is \"not much\" and he holds his nerve and temper to register his first ten-pointer of the Summer and, uniquely, no fines.',1,'','',200,997,1,1),
(1004,'2010-06-20','2010-06-20 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-21 15:02:32',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,29,123,4,8,'All sorts of crap excuses for this weeks match sees only 4 Muffins and Mr. Grumpy decides to play with DJ leaving Tate to partner Brett. For an experiment all four players decide to play with a Jabulani ball which means there all manner of deviations in both ball flight and direction which obviously keeps the scoring artificially low.\r\n\r\nAlso, those expecting a tranquil morning away from the constant drone of the vuvuzela reckoned without the local rag and bone man.\r\n\r\nAt half way there\'s only a one point margin to Tate and Brett and the DJ/Mr. Grumpy team blob on the 7th costs them dear. The back 9 is equally competitive, \"nip and tuck\" you might say and the final match margin is still just the one point.\r\n\r\nConfirming his reputation as either the luckiest (or unluckiest) golfer in history, Tate manages to bash several balls out of bounds all bar one of which bounce back into play. The crucial one being on the 18th where, from deep in the hedge to the left of the 18th green he manages to stab the ball onto the green and lag the putt for a 6 nett 4 to close out the game.\r\n\r\nBrett takes the individual honours in a close fought encounter. DJ\'s round alternates between 3 pointers and blobs and Mr. Grumpy contrives to hit at least one bad shot on each hole to bring him back to earth after last week\'s high. He will also be making another visit to the club repairers.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1005,'2010-06-20','2010-06-20 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-20 14:57:16',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,29,123,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1004,1,1),
(1006,'2010-06-20','2010-06-20 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-20 14:57:16',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,29,123,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1004,1,1),
(1007,'2010-06-20','2010-06-20 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-21 14:56:14',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,29,123,4,8,'All sorts of crap excuses for this weeks match sees only 4 Muffins and Mr. Grumpy decides to play with DJ leaving Tate to partner Brett. For an experiment all four players decide to play with a Jabulani ball which means there all manner of deviations in both ball flight and direction which obviously keeps the scoring artificially low.\r\n\r\nAlso, those expecting a tranquil morning away from the constant drone of the vuvuzela reckoned without the local rag and bone man.\r\n\r\nAt half way there\'s only a one point margin to Tate and Brett and the DJ/Mr. Grumpy team blob on the 7th costs them dear. The back 9 is equally competitive, \"nip and tuck\" you might say and the final match margin is still just the one point.\r\n\r\nConfirming his reputation as either the luckiest (or unluckiest) golfer in history, Tate manages to bash several balls out of bounds all bar one of which bounce back into play. The crucial one being on the 18th where, from deep in the hedge to the left of the 18th green he manages to stab the ball onto the green and lag the putt for a 6 nett 4 to close out the game.',1,'','',200,1004,1,1),
(1008,'2010-06-20','2010-06-20 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-21 14:56:27',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,29,123,4,8,'All sorts of crap excuses for this weeks match sees only 4 Muffins and Mr. Grumpy decides to play with DJ leaving Tate to partner Brett. For an experiment all four players decide to play with a Jabulani ball which means there all manner of deviations in both ball flight and direction which obviously keeps the scoring artificially low.\r\n\r\nAlso, those expecting a tranquil morning away from the constant drone of the vuvuzela reckoned without the local rag and bone man.\r\n\r\nAt half way there\'s only a one point margin to Tate and Brett and the DJ/Mr. Grumpy team blob on the 7th costs them dear. The back 9 is equally competitive, \"nip and tuck\" you might say and the final match margin is still just the one point.\r\n\r\nConfirming his reputation as either the luckiest (or unluckiest) golfer in history, Tate manages to bash several balls out of bounds all bar one of which bounce back into play. The crucial one being on the 18th where, from deep in the hedge to the left of the 18th green he manages to stab the ball onto the green and lag the putt for a 6 nett 4 to close out the game.',1,'','',200,1004,1,1),
(1009,'2010-06-20','2010-06-20 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-21 14:57:28',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,29,123,4,8,'All sorts of crap excuses for this weeks match sees only 4 Muffins and Mr. Grumpy decides to play with DJ leaving Tate to partner Brett. For an experiment all four players decide to play with a Jabulani ball which means there all manner of deviations in both ball flight and direction which obviously keeps the scoring artificially low.\r\n\r\nAlso, those expecting a tranquil morning away from the constant drone of the vuvuzela reckoned without the local rag and bone man.\r\n\r\nAt half way there\'s only a one point margin to Tate and Brett and the DJ/Mr. Grumpy team blob on the 7th costs them dear. The back 9 is equally competitive, \"nip and tuck\" you might say and the final match margin is still just the one point.\r\n\r\nConfirming his reputation as either the luckiest (or unluckiest) golfer in history, Tate manages to bash several balls out of bounds all bar one of which bounce back into play. The crucial one being on the 18th where, from deep in the hedge to the left of the 18th green he manages to stab the ball onto the green and lag the putt for a 6 nett 4 to close out the game.',1,'','',200,1004,1,1),
(1010,'2010-06-27','2010-06-27 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-27 21:57:50',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,24,218,7,8,'Abject, pitiful, totally incompetent, a national disgrace.....\r\n\r\nbut enough about Tate\'s last five holes.\r\n\r\nIt\'s a beautiful morning although Mr. Grumpy and Turbo are hung-over, Nance is shagged after 36 holes in the Club Championship and DJ is suffering from a spot of deep throat. In a welcome return to tossing duties Fat-Boy sends out Nance, Tate and Mr. G who cruise the front 9 for a 6 point cushion. Nance is in shorts, the first time his legs have seen daylight for many a long year and the absence of trousers allows everyone to see why his feet have been declared an area of special scientific interest.\r\n\r\nThe back 9 is a different story, Tate goes AWOL, Nance throws in a couple of blobs and the 6 point cushion is overturned for a handy victory for the 4-ball. Mr. Grumpy loses neither his temper or a ball until the 18th hole for a narrow individual win.\r\n\r\nNo match next week as it\'s the Captain\'s Shot-Gun and to avoid being sent to start from the 15th tee, the Muffins decline to enter.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1011,'2010-06-27','2010-06-27 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-27 14:21:41',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,24,218,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1010,1,1),
(1012,'2010-06-27','2010-06-27 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-27 14:21:41',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,24,218,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1010,1,1),
(1013,'2010-06-27','2010-06-27 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-06-27 14:21:41',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,24,218,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1010,1,1),
(1014,'2010-07-11','2010-07-11 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-12 10:13:02',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,30,265,8,8,'It\'s a lovely morning, the fairways are hard and the ball is running miles, the rough has been trimmed and the greens are receptive and true. There\'s a full complement of 8 Muffins and they take full advantage of the high scoring opportunity to rack up 40 camels, 6 ducks and 4 OOB\'s which, with the addition of a few OWL fines swells Mr. Grumpy\'s back pocket to the tune of £25.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy selects Mr. Grumpy, Tate and DJ to stroll round with him but at half-way there\'s a 5 point deficit. DJ has decided to play his part in the re-turfing of Wembley by removing vast acreages of OGC teeing ground with his driver and Fat-Boy contrives to put his tee shot on the 8th under the turf rather than on it. Tate and Mr. Grumpy are enjoying their usual cocktail of brilliance and self abuse - shaken not stirred. \r\n\r\nNonetheless, under Fat-Boy\'s astute captaincy the situation is turned around such that they win the back 9 and limit the fiscal deficit. Newly crowned camel-king Nance accrues 23 \"ships of the desert\" and, un-surprisingly, fails to de-duck from the Grand Canyon that is the stream in front of the 18th.\r\n\r\nTate and Brett shared the individual spoils with 10 points apiece and thus both qualify for The Open Championship and perhaps uniquely, every Muffin score in the 30\'s and picks up at least 4. A triumph for the handicapper.\r\n\r\nMr Grumpy is encouraged by the rate at which his one-time unassailable lead at the head of the fines table is being whittled away.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1015,'2010-07-11','2010-07-11 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-11 16:01:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,30,267,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1014,1,1),
(1016,'2010-07-11','2010-07-11 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-11 16:01:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,30,265,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1014,1,1),
(1017,'2010-07-11','2010-07-11 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-11 16:01:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,30,265,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1014,1,1),
(1018,'2010-07-11','2010-07-11 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-12 09:57:45',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,30,265,8,8,'It\'s a lovely morning, the fairways are hard and the ball\'s running miles, the rouigh has been trimmed and the greens are receptive and true. There\'s a full complement of 8 Muffins and they take full advantage of the high scoring opportunity to rack up 40 camels, 6 ducks and 4 OOB\'s which, with the addition of a few OWL fines swells Mr. Grumpy\'s back pocket to the tune of £25.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy selects Mr. Grumpy, Tate and DJ to stroll round with him but at half-way there\'s a 5 point deficit. DJ has decided to play his part in the re-turfing of Wembley by removing vast acreages of OGC teeing ground with his driver and Fat-Boy contrives to put his tee shot on the 8th under the turf rather than on it. Tate and Mr. Grumpy are having their usual mix of brilliance and self abuse. \r\n\r\nNonetheless, under Fat-Boy\'s astute captaincy the situation is turned around such that they win the back 9 and limit the damage. Newly crowned camel-king Nance accrues 23 of said ruminents and, un-surprisingly, fails to de-duck from the Grand Canyon that is the stream in front of the 18th.\r\n\r\nTate and Brett shared the individual spoils with 10 points apiece and perhaps uniquely, every Muffin picks up at least 4.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1014,1,1),
(1019,'2010-07-11','2010-07-11 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-12 09:59:53',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,30,265,8,8,'It\'s a lovely morning, the fairways are hard and the ball is running miles, the rough has been trimmed and the greens are receptive and true. There\'s a full complement of 8 Muffins and they take full advantage of the high scoring opportunity to rack up 40 camels, 6 ducks and 4 OOB\'s which, with the addition of a few OWL fines swells Mr. Grumpy\'s back pocket to the tune of £25.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy selects Mr. Grumpy, Tate and DJ to stroll round with him but at half-way there\'s a 5 point deficit. DJ has decided to play his part in the re-turfing of Wembley by removing vast acreages of OGC teeing ground with his driver and Fat-Boy contrives to put his tee shot on the 8th under the turf rather than on it. Tate and Mr. Grumpy are having their usual mix of brilliance and self abuse. \r\n\r\nNonetheless, under Fat-Boy\'s astute captaincy the situation is turned around such that they win the back 9 and limit the damage. Newly crowned camel-king Nance accrues 23 of said ruminents and, un-surprisingly, fails to de-duck from the Grand Canyon that is the stream in front of the 18th.\r\n\r\nTate and Brett shared the individual spoils with 10 points apiece and perhaps uniquely, every Muffin picks up at least 4.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1014,1,1),
(1020,'2010-07-11','2010-07-11 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-12 10:05:07',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,30,265,8,8,'It\'s a lovely morning, the fairways are hard and the ball is running miles, the rough has been trimmed and the greens are receptive and true. There\'s a full complement of 8 Muffins and they take full advantage of the high scoring opportunity to rack up 40 camels, 6 ducks and 4 OOB\'s which, with the addition of a few OWL fines swells Mr. Grumpy\'s back pocket to the tune of £25.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy selects Mr. Grumpy, Tate and DJ to stroll round with him but at half-way there\'s a 5 point deficit. DJ has decided to play his part in the re-turfing of Wembley by removing vast acreages of OGC teeing ground with his driver and Fat-Boy contrives to put his tee shot on the 8th under the turf rather than on it. Tate and Mr. Grumpy are enjoying their usual cocktail of brilliance and self abuse - shaken not stirred. \r\n\r\nNonetheless, under Fat-Boy\'s astute captaincy the situation is turned around such that they win the back 9 and limit the fiscal deficit. Newly crowned camel-king Nance accrues 23 \"ships of the desert\" and, un-surprisingly, fails to de-duck from the Grand Canyon that is the stream in front of the 18th.\r\n\r\nTate and Brett shared the individual spoils with 10 points apiece and perhaps uniquely, every Muffin picks up at least 4. \r\n\r\nMr Grumpy is encouraged by the rate at which his one-time unassailable lead at the head of the fines table is being whittled away.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1014,1,1),
(1021,'2010-07-18','2010-07-18 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-27 11:09:44',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,34,32,99,3,8,'Brett thought he\'d won but didn\'t. Turbo didn\'t think he\'d won but did.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1022,'2010-07-18','2010-07-18 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-24 19:57:28',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,34,33,101,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1021,1,1),
(1023,'2010-07-18','2010-07-18 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-24 19:57:28',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,34,32,99,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1021,1,1),
(1024,'2010-07-25','2010-07-25 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-27 11:33:34',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,43,29,250,7,8,'Fat-Boy sneaks into the Club in jeans, but fortunately is off to play with his new friends so doesn\'t bring any disgrace on the Muffins. This leaves seven Muffins and Nance decides to play with Brett and Cutie-Cutie. \r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy, the well-known Yam-Yam thus has to partner the Villa-Boys and listen to 4 hours moaning about Martin O\'Neill\'s dormancy in the transfer market and the wisdom or otherwise of James Milner leaving one non-Champions League club for another.\r\n\r\nFortunately Mr. Grumpy is \"in the zone\" as indeed are Turbo and DJ.\r\n\r\nIn fact it\'s a pretty high-scoring day and the 4-ball in particular break all records in turning a 15 point margin on the front 9 to a 17 point margin overall.\r\n\r\nThe big news of the day is Tate\'s triumphal return to the head of the fines table, a position held as a personal fiefdom by Mr. Grumpy since week 1. Parallels with Tiger\'s position in the world ranking\'s are obvious. \r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy strolls to 10 Muffins points and suffers a swingeing handicap cut for his pains. Incurring no fines, he might even have come out of the day with a profit had not the usual farce of the fines/match settlement somehow stripped him of all his cash. ',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1025,'2010-07-25','2010-07-25 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-25 18:38:05',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,43,29,250,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1024,1,1),
(1026,'2010-07-18','2010-07-18 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-24 19:57:28',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,34,32,99,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1021,1,1),
(1027,'2010-07-25','2010-07-25 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-25 18:38:05',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,43,29,250,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1024,1,1),
(1028,'2010-07-25','2010-07-25 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-07-27 11:25:45',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,43,29,250,7,8,'Fat-Boy sneaks into the Club in jeans, but fortunately is off to play with his new friends so doesn\'t bring any disgrace on the Muffins. This leaves seven Muffins and Nance decides to play with Brett and Cutie-Cutie. Mr. Grumpy, the well-known Yam-Yam thus has to partner the Villa-Boys and listen to 4 hours moaning about Martin O\'Neill\'s dormancy in the transfer market and the wisdom or otherwise of James Milner leaving one non-Champions League club for another.\r\n\r\nFortunately Mr. Grumpy is \"in the zone\".\r\n\r\nIn fact it\'s a pretty high-scoring day and the 4-ball in particular break all records in turning a 15 point margin on the front 9 to a 17 point margin overall.\r\n\r\nThe big news of the day is Tate\'s triumphal return to the head of the fines table, a position occupied by Mr. Grumpy since week 1. Parallels with Tiger\'s position in the world ranking\'s are obvious. Mr. Grumpy strolls to 10 Muffins points and suffers a swingeing handicap cut for his pains and might even have come out of the day with a profit had not the usual farce of the fines/match settlement stripped him of all his cash. ',1,'','',200,1024,1,1),
(1029,'2010-08-01','2010-08-01 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-02 19:21:08',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,26,159,5,8,'Tate is overcome with emotion after his historic hole-in-one during the previous day\'s Birkett Barker, DJ is working and Cutie-Cutie is with the kids, so it\'s an unpopular 5-ball for the 1st Sunday in August. \r\n\r\nFive-balls are now legitimate apparently so Fat-Boy decides that the most fun can be had by pairing Nance with Brett leaving himself to skipper Mr. Grumpy and Turbo.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy has had several sherberts and a curry on Saturday night, both of which decide they no longer they want to be part of his digestive system. This dictates a start on the 6th hole and even so it\'s even money whether Fat-Boy will reach the sanctuary of the half-way house without an accident. He does so only by putting out whilst the other 4 are still searching for Nance\'s ball half way back up the fairway.\r\n\r\nThe Bicker Twins are true to their sobriquet and although the back 9 margin to the 3-ball is only a single point, their 5 point lead on the first 9 is enough for a comfortable victory. Fat-Boy and Mr. Grumpy take ten Muffin points apeice and Mr. Grumpy\'s handicap has now suffered more cuts than the Government\'s public sector budget. It\'s a disgrace.\r\n\r\nIt\'s also worth noting that the computer agrees with Fat-Boy\'s calculation of the stableford scores without subsequent adjustment - something of a record - and also that he\'s in imminent danger of overtaking Mr. Grumpy for second spot in the fines table. His holiday in Toronto could be ideally timed.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1030,'2010-08-01','2010-08-01 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-02 18:53:13',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,26,159,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1029,1,1),
(1031,'2010-08-01','2010-08-01 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-02 18:53:13',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,26,159,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1029,1,1),
(1032,'2010-08-01','2010-08-01 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-02 19:09:58',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,26,159,5,8,'Tate is overcome with emotion after his historic hole-in-one during the previous day\'s Birkett Barker, DJ is working and Cutie-Cutie is with the kids so it\'s an unpopular 5-ball for the 1st Sunday in August. However, 5-balls are now legitimate apparently so Fat-Boy decides that the most fun can be had by pairing Nance with Brett leaving him to skipper Mr. Grumpy and Turbo.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy has had several sherberts and a curry both of which decide they no longer they want to be part of his digestive system. This dictates a start on the 6th hole and even so it\'s even money whether Fat-Boy will reach the sanctuary of the half-way house without an accident.\r\n\r\nThe Bicker Twins are true to their sobriquet and although the back 9 margin to the 3-ball is only a single point, their 5 point lead on the first 9 is enough for a comfortable victory. Fat-Boy and Mr. Grumpy take ten Muffin points apeice and Mr. Grumpy\'s handicap has now suffered more cuts than the Government\'s public sector budget.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1029,1,1),
(1033,'2010-08-08','2010-08-08 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-09 18:03:29',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,38,29,236,7,8,'Eight players for thr next installment of the Muffins Summer Trophy with Bones subbing for Fat-Boy and DJ\'s mate subbing for Tate. \r\n\r\nIt\'s rumoured that DJ\'s mate is called Neil, leastwise that\'s what Turbo calls him. But Brett calls him \"Dave\" throughout and Mr. Grumpy calls him \"Stan\" so it\'s no wonder the bloke was a bit confused. Sufficiently confused to notch a couple of ducks early doors, an OOB and to be in a bunker nearly every hole so totting up some useful fines for DJ to pay for.\r\n\r\nCollectively Turbo, Brett, Mr. Grumpy and Stan are not having the best of mornings and a stellar performance by Cutie-Cutie and Bones in Team 2 enable them to shade a close fought tussle by just a 22 point margin. This lightly raced pair also manage to share top spot with 38 stableford points apeice. \r\n\r\nIt\'s a massive week for the fines kitty and although, disappointly, Stan fails to notch the bunkers for DJ, there\'s plenty of other stuff going on to swell the drinking fund by about £20.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1034,'2010-08-08','2010-08-08 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-08 14:47:52',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,38,29,237,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1033,1,1),
(1035,'2010-08-08','2010-08-08 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-08 14:47:52',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,38,29,236,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1033,1,1),
(1036,'2010-08-08','2010-08-08 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-08 14:47:52',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,38,29,236,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1033,1,1),
(1037,'2010-08-08','2010-08-08 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-09 18:02:09',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,38,29,236,7,8,'Eight players for thr next installment of the Muffins Summer Trophy with Bones subbing for Fat-Boy and DJ\'s mate subbing for Tate. \r\n\r\nIt\'s rumoured that DJ\'s mate is called Neil, leastwise that\'s what Turbo calls him. But Brett calls him \"Dave\" throughout and Mr. Grumpy calls him \"Stan\" so it\'s no wonder the bloke was a bit confused. Sufficiently confused to notch a couple of ducks early doors, an OOB and to be in a bunker nearly every hole so totting up some useful fines for DJ to pay for.\r\n\r\nCollectively Turbo, Brett, Mr. Grumpy and Stan are not having the best of mornings and a stellar performance by Cutie-Cutie and Bones in Team 2 enable them to shade a close fought tussle by just a 22 point margin. This lightly raced pair also manage to share top spot with 38 stableford points apeice. \r\n\r\nIt\'s a massive week for the fines kitty and although, disappointly, Stan fails to notch the bunkers for DJ, there\'s plenty of other stuff going on to swell the kitty by ',1,'','',200,1033,1,1),
(1038,'2010-08-22','2010-08-22 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-22 14:22:14',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,42,27,174,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1039,'2010-08-22','2010-08-22 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-22 14:22:14',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,42,19,160,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1038,1,1),
(1040,'2010-08-22','2010-08-22 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-22 14:22:14',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,42,27,174,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1038,1,1),
(1041,'2010-08-29','2010-08-29 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-31 10:48:30',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,28,158,5,8,'A second successive 5-ball and Fat-Boy has pre-determined that Nance will play with Mr. Grumpy so kicks the balls around until that outcome is assured. He can then enjoy the company of Brett and DJ.\r\n\r\nAnother 6th tee start at least holds the promise of much merriment as the camels are settled on the 5th and so it proves. However, prior to that there\'s a close fought tussle in which the heroic two-ball shade the front nine by a point, but lose the back by three to find themselves £2 poorer. Brett has a \"good-un\" to take the individual ten for the first time in several weeks, but in general the scoring is unspectacular.\r\n\r\nSo, to the 5th.\r\n\r\nThere are 20 camels banked and Mr. Grumpy starts the fun by duffing a tee shot short left of the stream, flopping his second into the front left trap and cartwheeling his wedge into a tree. Fat-Boy is right of the right hand bunkers, but has the narrow isthmus of land between them to aim for.\r\n\r\nFailure. \r\n\r\nAnd it\'s now 22 camels as Nance attempts his chip over the far right bunker. \"Mustn\'t quit on it\" intones Nance and thus thins it, airmailing the green into the back left trap to general derision all round.\r\n\r\nThe bar conversation features as it\'s principal topic the \"Tour 2011\". Mr. Grumpy has determined that the men of Kent generally insist on two-ball play so that idea is shelved and somehow the discussion finshes with an outline plan that involves Southerness, the ferry from Stranraer to NI, a drive to Dublin, a ferry to the Isle of Man and a ferry back to Fleetwood. Watch this space.\r\n\r\nMuffins are also reminded that the Annual Dinner will be at Copt Heath GC on Fri 26th November. The kitty will cover everything and no absentees are permitted. Please confim availability to Mr. G.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1042,'2010-08-29','2010-08-29 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-29 14:14:28',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,28,158,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1041,1,1),
(1043,'2010-08-29','2010-08-29 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-29 14:14:28',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,28,158,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1041,1,1),
(1044,'2010-08-29','2010-08-29 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-08-31 10:40:18',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,28,158,5,8,'A second successive 5-ball and Fat-Boy has pre-determined that Nance will play with Mr. Grumpy so kicks the balls around until that outcome is assured. He can then enjoy the company of Brett and DJ.\r\n\r\nAnother 6th tee start at least holds the promise of much merriment as the camels are settled on the 5th and so it proves. However, prior to that there\'s a close fought tussle in which the heroic two-ball shade the front nine by a point, but lose the back by three to find themselves £2 poorer. Brett has a \"good-un\" to take the individual ten for the first time in several weeks, but in general the scoring is unspectacular.\r\n\r\nSo, to the 5th.\r\n\r\nThere are 20 camels banked and Mr. Grumpy starts the fun by duffing a tee shot short left of the stream, flopping his second into the front left trap and cartwheeling his wedge into a tree. Fat-Boy is right of the right hand bunkers, but has the narrow isthmus of land between them to aim for.\r\n\r\nFailure. \r\n\r\nAnd it\'s now 22 camels as Nance attempts his chip over the far right bunker. \"Mustn\'t quit on it\" intones Nance and thus thins it, airmailing the green into the back left trap to general derision all round.\r\n\r\nAll in all a satisfactory end to a good morning.',1,'','',200,1041,1,1),
(1045,'2010-09-05','2010-09-05 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-09-07 17:43:32',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,37,27,267,8,8,'The first Sunday of the Michaelmas Term and there\'s a full house of Muffins and two guests. The first is kosher and is Nat, a basketball star belonging to Brett and wearing Turbo\'s spare boots. The second is some random bloke who looks like Alastair Darling and foists himself, unbidden, on Nance, Fat-Boy and Tate on the 3rd fairway. Why he wasn\'t told to eff-off is not clear.\r\n\r\nAnyway, Brett and the Harlem Globetrotter are joined by Cutie-Cutie whilst DJ and Turbo are with Mr. Grumpy. \r\n\r\nThe main topics of conversation are the lack of any solid credentials offered by Gerard Houllier which, from the neutral\'s perspective will make him such a good choice for the Villa and Wayne Rooney\'s alleged liaisons with a hooker whilst Colleen was up the duff. So, another high profile football divorce in prospect and Cheryl - if you\'re not getting any, you should be aware that Nance has volunteered to help out.\r\n\r\nGolf-wise Brett hits the jackpot for the second consecutive week and is joined at the head of affairs by DJ. It\'s believed that the DJ and Fat-Boy led trios halved the team result. DJ is only in one bunker all morning, but crucially it\'s on the last hole and the fact that he gets up and down for par is scant consolation.\r\n\r\nThe Secret Lives of the Muffins\r\n(No 1 in an occasional series)\r\n\r\nPaste this into your browser.\r\n\r\nwww.youtube.com/watch?v=TPOTjNNnekg&feature=related ',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1046,'2010-09-05','2010-09-05 08:00:00',15,2,89,89,'','2010-09-05 15:38:25',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1045,1,1),
(1047,'2010-09-05','2010-09-05 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-09-05 15:38:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,37,27,267,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1045,1,1),
(1048,'2010-09-05','2010-09-05 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-09-05 15:38:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,37,27,267,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1045,1,1),
(1049,'2010-09-05','2010-09-05 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-09-05 19:06:08',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,37,27,267,8,8,'The first Sunday of the Michaelmas Term and there\'s a full house of Muffins and two guests. The first is kosher and is Nat, a basketball star belonging to Brett and wearing Turbo\'s spare boots. The second is some random bloke who looks like Alastair Darling and foists himself, unbidden, on Nance, Fat-Boy and Tate on the 3rd fairway. Why he wasn\'t told to eff-off is not clear.\r\n\r\nAnyway, Brett and the Harlem Globetrotter are joined by Cutie-Cutie and DJ and Turbo are with Mr. Grumpy. the main topics of conversation are the lack of any solid credentials offered by Gerard Houllier which, from the neutral\'s perspective will make him such a good choice for the Villa and Wayne Rooney\'s alleged liaisons with a hooker whilst Colleen was up the duff. So, another high profile football divorce in prospect and Cheryl - if you\'re not getting any, you should be aware that Nance has volunteered to help out.\r\n\r\nGolf-wise Brett hits the jackpot for the second consecutive week and is joined at the head of affairs by DJ. It\'s believed that the DJ and Fat-Boy led trios halved the team result. DJ is only in one bunker all morning, but crucially it\'s on the last hole and the fact that he gets up and down for par is scant consolation.\r\n\r\nThe Secret Lives of the Muffins\r\n(No 1 in an occasional series)\r\n\r\nwww.youtube.com/watch?v=TPOTjNNnekg&feature=related ',1,'','',200,1045,1,1),
(1050,'2010-09-05','2010-09-05 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-09-05 19:11:25',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,37,27,267,8,8,'The first Sunday of the Michaelmas Term and there\'s a full house of Muffins and two guests. The first is kosher and is Nat, a basketball star belonging to Brett and wearing Turbo\'s spare boots. The second is some random bloke who looks like Alastair Darling and foists himself, unbidden, on Nance, Fat-Boy and Tate on the 3rd fairway. Why he wasn\'t told to eff-off is not clear.\r\n\r\nAnyway, Brett and the Harlem Globetrotter are joined by Cutie-Cutie and DJ and Turbo are with Mr. Grumpy. the main topics of conversation are the lack of any solid credentials offered by Gerard Houllier which, from the neutral\'s perspective will make him such a good choice for the Villa and Wayne Rooney\'s alleged liaisons with a hooker whilst Colleen was up the duff. So, another high profile football divorce in prospect and Cheryl - if you\'re not getting any, you should be aware that Nance has volunteered to help out.\r\n\r\nGolf-wise Brett hits the jackpot for the second consecutive week and is joined at the head of affairs by DJ. It\'s believed that the DJ and Fat-Boy led trios halved the team result. DJ is only in one bunker all morning, but crucially it\'s on the last hole and the fact that he gets up and down for par is scant consolation.\r\n\r\nThe Secret Lives of the Muffins\r\n(No 1 in an occasional series)\r\n\r\nPaste this into your browser.\r\n\r\nwww.youtube.com/watch?v=TPOTjNNnekg&feature=related ',1,'','',200,1045,1,1),
(1051,'2010-09-12','2010-09-12 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-09-12 20:00:52',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,33,23,203,7,8,'A beautiful Autumn morning with 8 combatants, but only \'cos Bones steps in to sub for Fat-Boy and Neil Harbour (Stan Stennet without trombone) for Cutie-Cutie. \r\n\r\nNance, Turbo, Mr. Grumpy and Stan win the front nine by four, but get stuffed on the back nine to lose £2. Tate and Mr. Grumpy try to out-do each other at the head of the fines table and Bones nicks the individual ten points. \r\n\r\nThere\'s not a great deal of form shown such that Fat-Boy will be the firm ante-post favourite for the end of season bash at The Worcestershire GC on Friday next.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1052,'2010-09-12','2010-09-12 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-09-12 14:23:05',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,33,23,203,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1051,1,1),
(1053,'2010-09-12','2010-09-12 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-09-12 14:23:05',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,33,23,203,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1051,1,1),
(1054,'2010-09-17','2010-09-17 08:00:00',16,181,182,182,'','2010-09-17 14:28:54',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,35,26,227,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1055,'2010-09-17','2010-09-17 08:00:00',16,181,182,182,'','2010-09-17 14:28:54',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,25,221,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1054,1,1),
(1056,'2010-09-17','2010-09-17 08:00:00',16,181,182,182,'','2010-09-17 14:28:54',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,35,26,227,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1054,1,1),
(1057,'2010-09-17','2010-09-17 14:00:00',16,181,182,182,'','2010-09-18 21:48:06',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,36,35,27,260,8,14,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1058,'2010-09-17','2010-09-17 14:00:00',16,181,182,182,'','2010-09-18 21:48:06',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,35,28,260,8,14,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1057,1,1),
(1059,'2010-09-17','2010-09-17 14:00:00',16,181,182,182,'','2010-09-18 21:48:06',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,35,27,259,8,14,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1057,1,1),
(1060,'2010-09-17','2010-09-17 14:00:00',16,181,182,182,'','2010-09-18 21:48:06',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,36,35,27,260,8,14,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1057,1,1),
(1061,'2010-09-19','2010-09-19 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-09-20 11:16:22',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,30,131,4,8,'Nance and Fat-Boy are winning their Summer 4-ball, Tate\'s gone to Tampa for a 5 minute meeting and Cutie-Cutie is with the kids so it\'s just the four Muffins this week. Mr. Grumpy elects to play with Brett leaving DJ to partner Turbo.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy can neither putt nor chip and DJ rents a condo in Blob City so it\'s left to Turbo and Brett to do most of the scoring. With one hole to go Brett and Mr. Grumpy have a comfortable two point lead and it\'s only then  - that un-noticed by Mr. G and Brett - the Pope pops in en-route to Cofton Park and bestows his manifold blessings on Turbo. A 4 nett 2 for four points down the second hole is the result and victory is snatched from the jaws of defeat.\r\n\r\nBrett legs it back to Worcestershire pronto leaving Turbo and DJ to quaff the communion wine whilst Mr. Grumpy\'s orange and lemonade turns to bitter bile. DJ is now putting Turbo forward for beatification whilst Mr. Grumpy wishes to remind the Vicar of Christ that in terms of infallibility, he is but a novice.   ',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1062,'2010-09-19','2010-09-19 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-09-19 14:51:58',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,30,131,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1061,1,1),
(1063,'2010-09-19','2010-09-19 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-09-19 14:51:58',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,36,30,131,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1061,1,1),
(1064,'2010-09-26','2010-09-26 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-09-26 12:57:59',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,28,94,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1065,'2010-09-26','2010-09-26 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-09-26 12:57:59',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,28,94,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1064,1,1),
(1066,'2010-10-10','2010-10-10 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-11 18:40:11',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,30,221,7,8,'After an early chill it\'s shirtsleeves order for 6 Muffins bar Mr. Grumpy who\'s wearing his new Ryder Cup top and despite sweating up in the paddock, is determined to extract the maximum value from it. (There\'s an unseen awkward moment with a runny fried egg - but he just gets away with it).\r\n\r\nThere are two certainties in life. The first is that when out on one\'s bike and for safety reasons wearing a helmet and reflective jacket, it\'s impossible not to look like a knob. \r\n\r\nThe second is the contrived nature of the Fat-Boy\'s toss up. This week it\'s a useful 6-1 split leaving Brett to tee up on his own until Tate and Nance take pity on him.\r\n\r\nIn a risk to his amateur status Tate is now sponsored by Strepsils and therefore armed against throat and larynx infections stemming from the regular shrieks of \"fore\". (Should anyone know the Portuguese equivalent, will they please text Tate soonest).\r\n\r\nFront nine scoring is modest. DJ\'s putter is red-hot (through over-use, not competency) and it takes Mr. Grumpy a full four holes before a tee shot leaves the ground. In consequence the front nine is halved and it isn\'t until the back nine that the 4-ball under Fat-Boy\'s captaincy stamp their authority on proceedings. The real winner is the handicapper and only 4 points separates all 7 participants. DJ and Fat-Boy share the individual spoils, though Tate has a more than useful back nine of 20.\r\n\r\nShot of the day is Fat-Boy\'s \"dunch\" on 18 which both raises and then shatters DJ\'s hope of avoiding the camels - all within a couple of seconds.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1067,'2010-10-10','2010-10-10 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-10 13:29:09',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,30,94,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1066,1,1),
(1068,'2010-10-10','2010-10-10 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-10 13:29:09',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,30,221,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1066,1,1),
(1069,'2010-10-10','2010-10-10 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-10 13:29:09',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,30,221,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1066,1,1),
(1070,'2010-10-10','2010-10-10 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-11 18:25:03',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,30,221,7,8,'After an early chill it\'s shirtsleeves order for 6 Muffins bar Mr. Grumpy who\'s wearing his new Ryder Cup top and is determined to get the maximum value from it.\r\n\r\nThere are two certainties in life. The first is that when out on one\'s bike and for safety reasons wearing a helmet, it\'s impossible not to look a knob. The second is the contrived nature of the Fat-Boy\'s toss up. This week it\'s a 6-1 split leaving Brett to tee up on his own until tate and Nance take pity on him.\r\n\r\nIn a risk to his amateur status Tate is now sponsored by Strepsils and thus immune to any throat and larynx problems stemming from the regular shrieks of \"fore\". Should anyone know the Portuguese equivalent, please text Tate soonest.\r\n\r\nFront nine scoring is modest. DJ\'s putter is red-hot (through over-use, not competency) and it takes Mr. Grumpy four holes before a tee shot leaves the ground. In consequence the front nine is halved and it isn\'t until the back nine that the 4-ball under fat-Boy\'s captaincy stamp their authority on proceedings. The real winner is the handicapper and only 4 points separates all 7 participants. ',1,'','',200,1066,1,1),
(1071,'2010-10-10','2010-10-10 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-11 18:32:10',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,30,221,7,8,'After an early chill it\'s shirtsleeves order for 6 Muffins bar Mr. Grumpy who\'s wearing his new Ryder Cup top and despite sweating up in the paddock is determined to extract the maximum value from it. (There\'s nearly an awkward moment with a runny fried egg - but he gets away with it).\r\n\r\nThere are two certainties in life. The first is that when out on one\'s bike and for safety reasons wearing a helmet and reflective jacket, it\'s impossible not to look like a knob. \r\n\r\nThe second is the contrived nature of the Fat-Boy\'s toss up. This week it\'s a 6-1 split leaving Brett to tee up on his own until Tate and Nance take pity on him.\r\n\r\nIn a risk to his amateur status Tate is now sponsored by Strepsils and therefore armed against throat and larynx infections stemming from the regular shrieks of \"fore\". (Should anyone know the Portuguese equivalent, will they please text Tate soonest).\r\n\r\nFront nine scoring is modest. DJ\'s putter is red-hot (through over-use, not competency) and it takes Mr. Grumpy four holes before a tee shot leaves the ground. In consequence the front nine is halved and it isn\'t until the back nine that the 4-ball under fat-Boy\'s captaincy stamp their authority on proceedings. The real winner is the handicapper and only 4 points separates all 7 participants. DJ and Fat-Boy share the individual spoils.',1,'','',200,1066,1,1),
(1072,'2010-10-17','2010-10-17 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-18 10:51:56',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,33,28,152,5,8,'With Tate and DJ missing the cut in the Portuguese Masters and Fat-Boy prioritising his barbeque chums, it\'s an awkward 5-ball from the 6th tee on a frosty, clear morning. The toss pairs Cutie-Cutie with Nance leaving the great triumverate of Brett, Turbo and Mr. Grumpy.\r\n\r\nThe low sun, frost and autumn leaves cause problems such that a couple of balls are lost not far from the fairway, but it\'s a generally uncontroversial morning of modest scoring. The three versus two format, added to the fact that Brett has to leave with three holes still remaining, puts an undue strain on the Duckworth-Walters scoring system. Awarding Brett his scoring average over the first 15 holes to the missing three, adding his age divided by his unpaid fines, multiplying by the cosine of the age of his clubs and subtracting the tangent of Turbo\'s dick still can\'t produce a straightforward result.\r\n\r\nIt is believed that Nance and Cutie-Cutie won the front nine, with the back nine halved. Nance shades the individual scoring, one stableford point ahead of Cutie-Cutie. \r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie still leads the table but only 0.14 ahead of Nance so Cutie-Cutie has a conundrum. Does he play both, one or none of the remaining two weeks of the season?\r\n\r\nThose of us mired in mid-table mediocrity couldn\'t give a s**t.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1073,'2010-10-17','2010-10-17 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-17 13:52:51',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,33,28,152,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1072,1,1),
(1074,'2010-10-17','2010-10-17 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-17 13:52:51',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,33,28,152,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1072,1,1),
(1075,'2010-10-17','2010-10-17 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-18 10:44:03',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,33,28,152,5,8,'With Tate and DJ missing the cut in the Portuguese Masters and Fat-Boy prioritising his barbeque chums, it\'s an awkward 5-ball from the 6th tee on a frosty, clear morning. The toss pairs Cutie-Cutie with Nance leaving the great triumverate of Brett, Turbo and Mr. Grumpy.\r\n\r\nThe low sun, frost and autumn leaves cause problems such that a couple of balls are lost not far from the fairway, but it\'s a generally uncontroversial morning of modest scoring. The three versus two format, added to the fact that Brett has to leave with three holes still remaining, puts an undue strain on the Duckworth-Walters scoring system. Awarding Brett his scoring average over the first 15 holes to the missing three, adding his age divided by his unpaid fines, multiplying by the cosine of the age of his clubs and subtracting the tangent of Turbo\'s dick still can\'t produce a straightforward result.\r\n\r\nIt is believed that Nance and Cutie-Cutie won the front nine, with the back nine halved.\r\n\r\nNance shades the individual scoring',1,'','',200,1072,1,1),
(1076,'2010-10-17','2010-10-17 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-18 10:48:37',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,33,28,152,5,8,'With Tate and DJ missing the cut in the Portuguese Masters and Fat-Boy prioritising his barbeque chums, it\'s an awkward 5-ball from the 6th tee on a frosty, clear morning. The toss pairs Cutie-Cutie with Nance leaving the great triumverate of Brett, Turbo and Mr. Grumpy.\r\n\r\nThe low sun, frost and autumn leaves cause problems such that a couple of balls are lost not far from the fairway, but it\'s a generally uncontroversial morning of modest scoring. The three versus two format, added to the fact that Brett has to leave with three holes still remaining, puts an undue strain on the Duckworth-Walters scoring system. Awarding Brett his scoring average over the first 15 holes to the missing three, adding his age divided by his unpaid fines, multiplying by the cosine of the age of his clubs and subtracting the tangent of Turbo\'s dick still can\'t produce a straightforward result.\r\n\r\nIt is believed that Nance and Cutie-Cutie won the front nine, with the back nine halved. Nance shades the individual scoring, one stableford point ahead of Cutie-Cutie. \r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie still leads the table but only 0.14 ahead of Nance so Cutie-Cutie has a conundrum. Does he play both, one or none of the remaining two weeks of the season?',1,'','',200,1072,1,1),
(1077,'2010-10-24','2010-10-24 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-24 20:58:35',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,40,28,138,4,8,'There are various weak excuses for what is likely to be the last game of the Summer 2010 season, so it\'s only 4 Muffins on parade. It take Mr. Grumpy at least 4 tosses to achieve a satisfactory split of the balls that pairs him with Brett and Turbo with Nance.\r\n\r\nNow it\'s not everyday that Nance shoots a gross 72 and still gets his arse spanked, but Mr. Grumpy has one of those all-too-rare \"looking at the ball\" days and armed with a £15 chipping club much favoured by old farts normally wearing plus-fours, tots up 40 stableford points with no passes.\r\n\r\nIn a very competitive encounter, the front 9 is halved in 23 and Mr. Grumpy and Brett score another 23 on the back to shade the match by two.\r\n\r\nHaving scored an excellent 38 points in his quest to catch Cutie-Cutie, Nance is not amused to a) fail by 0.09 and b) to lose £3.\r\n\r\nApparently, life\'s a bitch and then you die.\r\n\r\nNext week, the Villa vs Bluenose encounter, Mr. Grumpy\'s holiday and the Summer 4 Ball Final 36 hole Final featuring Nance and Fat-Boy will decimate the field. So unless Brett and Cutie-Cutie decide to have a 2-ball in which the latter player fails spectacularly, your correspondent thinks it\'s safe to declare the said Cutie-Cutie the Summer 2010 Champion. Congratulations and we look forward to sharing a bottle of champagne on the 26th November.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1078,'2010-10-24','2010-10-24 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-24 20:34:19',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,40,28,138,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1077,1,1),
(1079,'2010-10-24','2010-10-24 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-24 20:34:19',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,40,28,138,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1077,1,1),
(1080,'2010-10-24','2010-10-24 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-24 20:46:02',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,40,28,138,4,8,'Various weak excuses for what is likely to be the last game of the Summer 2010 season so it\'s only 4 Muffins on parade. It take Mr. Grumpy at least 4 tosses to achieve a satisfactory split of the balls that pairs him with Brett and Turbo with Nance.\r\n\r\nNow it\'s not everyday that Nance shoots a gross 72 and still gets his arse spanked but Mr. Grumpy has one of those all-too-rare looking at the ball days and tots up 40 stableford points with no passes. In a very competitive encounter, the front 9 is halved in 23 and Mr. Grumpy and Brett score another 23 on the back to shade the match by two.\r\n\r\nHaving scored 38 points i',1,'','',200,1077,1,1),
(1081,'2010-10-24','2010-10-24 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-10-24 20:56:44',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,40,28,138,4,8,'There are various weak excuses for what is likely to be the last game of the Summer 2010 season, so it\'s only 4 Muffins on parade. It take Mr. Grumpy at least 4 tosses to achieve a satisfactory split of the balls that pairs him with Brett and Turbo with Nance.\r\n\r\nNow it\'s not everyday that Nance shoots a gross 72 and still gets his arse spanked, but Mr. Grumpy has one of those all-too-rare \"looking at the ball\" days and armed with a £15 chipping club much favoured by old farts normally wearing plus-fours, tots up 40 stableford points with no passes.\r\n\r\nIn a very competitive encounter, the front 9 is halved in 23 and Mr. Grumpy and Brett score another 23 on the back to shade the match by two.\r\n\r\nHaving scored an excellent 38 points in his quest to catch Cutie-Cutie, Nance is not amused to a) fail by 0.09 and b) to lose £3.\r\n\r\nApparently, life\'s a bitch and then you die.\r\n\r\nNext week, the Villa vs Bluenose encounter, Mr. Grumpy\'s holiday and the Summer 4 Ball Final 36 hole Final will decimate the field. So unless Brett and Cutie-Cutie decide to have a 2-ball in which the latter player fails spectacularly, your correspondent thinks it\'s safe to declare the said Cutie-Cutie the Summer 2010 Champion. Congratulations and we look forward to sharing a bottle of champagne on the 26th November.',1,'','',200,1077,1,1),
(1082,'2010-10-31','2010-10-31 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-11-04 17:44:55',8,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,34,32,66,2,8,'A depleted field for the last match of the summer season with Turbo DJ and Tate watching the blue noses taking a point at Villa Park, Mr Grumpy on holiday and Nance and Fat Boy electing to concentrate on their “Carling Cup” match  rather than the “Champions League”.\r\nWith Cutie Cutie falling for the iphone 4 bug, being awoken by a  call from Brett at 8.05 to ascertain his whereabouts,  the prearranged two ball at 8am from the 10th looked highly unlikely. \r\nHis late arrival did however allow Nance to discuss at length with Brett the validity of a 2 ball constituting a quorum for Muffins Golf , Brett’s game plan and any other Muffins ruling that he could enact to depose Cutie Cutie from current status.\r\n Starting from the 8th little did Cutie Cutie realise how seriously Brett had taken Nance’s team talk lipping out for a hole in one on the starting hole and to 6 foot in two at the 9th. Fortunately normal service was soon resumed and even a double blob on the 1st and 2nd  for a somewhat nervy finish didn’t prevent Cutie Cutie taking the ten points and the summer title to boot.\r\nNo doubt long debate will ensue on appearance stats….. Roll on the winter\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,0),
(1083,'2010-10-31','2010-10-31 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-11-04 09:52:02',8,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,34,32,66,2,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1082,1,1),
(1084,'2010-10-31','2010-10-31 08:00:00',15,2,67,67,'','2010-11-04 09:52:02',8,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,34,32,66,2,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1082,1,0),
(1085,'2010-11-08','2010-11-08 08:00:00',1,2,67,67,'','2010-11-08 11:04:47',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,27,124,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,1,1),
(1086,'2010-11-08','2010-11-08 08:00:00',1,2,67,67,'','2010-11-08 11:04:47',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,27,124,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1085,1,1),
(1087,'2010-11-07','2010-11-07 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2010-11-08 11:28:19',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,25,118,4,8,'A poor turn-out for the 1st match of the Winter 2010/2011 season sees Mr. Grumpy and Nance take on Turbo and DJ. Bright, sunny but with a nip in the air the principal hazard is the several tonnes of fallen leaves that make finding anything off the straight and narrow a bit of a lottery. As it happens the only lost balls are shots from Nance and DJ sail into the woods left of the 11th and 14th.\r\n\r\nFor the second week in a row Mr. Grumpy looks at the ball - a worrying trend - and compiles a useful 34 points which, with occasional contributions from Nance, is sufficient for a £4 win and ten individual points. His joy is tempered by the accumulation of ten camels and an early lead in the new fines table.\r\n\r\nThe clubhouse discussion centres on the plan to add new bunkers to the front of the 4th green. Given that the majority of OGC bunkers are already shite, one wonders why any additional ones can be the product of rational thinking.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1088,'2010-11-07','2010-11-07 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2010-11-08 11:12:03',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,25,118,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1087,1,1),
(1089,'2010-11-07','2010-11-07 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2010-11-08 11:12:03',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,25,118,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1087,1,1),
(1090,'2010-11-14','2010-11-14 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2010-11-15 11:48:24',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,35,29,125,4,8,'Several unexplained absences and a rumoured retirement mean another poor turn out for Week 2.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy resumes a hitherto productive partnership with Nance, and Turbo teams up with Cutie-Cutie. A bit of a log jam on the course occasioned by the new Lady Captain\'s driving-in and lunch dictates a start from the third tee and by the sandwiches, Nance and Mr. Grumpy appear to have an unassailable lead. \r\n\r\nAppearances can be deceptive apparently.\r\n\r\nOn the back nine Turbo turns up the wick and a couple of four-pointers backed up by a few three-pointers start to turn the tide. It\'s all square going down the 2nd and last hole, and Turbo\'s 5 nett 3 is sufficient to piss on the chips, added to which Mr. Grumpy collects the camels. It\'s all a bit unsatisfactory from your correspondent\'s point of view, but excessive use of both the putter and sand-wedge are the root of the problem.\r\n\r\nAnyway, as a result of his performance and his position at the top of the leaderboard, Turbo has now had his handicap slashed to only 29. \r\n\r\nIt may be a long, hard winter.\r\n\r\nIn the bar Jimmy Crankie takes £5 off Mr. Grumpy and in return gives him six attempts to predict where the new Lady Captain will put her drive. She\'s using the yellow tees apparently. Now, Mr. Grumpy used to play off 14 and the yellow tees, so he puts his lollipop sticks just shy of where his ball used to land - favouring the right rough obviously.\r\n\r\nThe new Lady Captain then sticks her drive straight up the middle and 40 yards further, thus concluding a rather disappointing morning all round.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1091,'2010-11-14','2010-11-14 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2010-11-15 11:18:24',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,35,29,125,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1090,1,1),
(1092,'2010-11-14','2010-11-14 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2010-11-15 11:18:24',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,35,29,125,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1090,1,1),
(1093,'2010-11-14','2010-11-14 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2010-11-15 11:33:18',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,35,29,125,4,8,'Several unexplained absences and a rumoured retirement mean another poor turn out for Week 2.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy resumes a hitherto productive partnership with Nance, and Turbo teams up with Cutie-Cutie. A log jam on the course occasioned by the new Lady Captain\'s driving-in and lunch dictates a start from the third tee and by the sandwiches, Nance and Mr. Grumpy appear to have an unassailable lead. \r\n\r\nApparently appearances can be deceptive.\r\n\r\nOn the back nine Turbo turns up the wick and a couple of four-pointers backed up by a few three-pointers start to turn the tide. It\'s all square going down the second and last hole and Turbo\'s 5 nett 3 is sufficient to piss on the chips, added to which Mr. Grumpy collects the camels. It\'s all a bit unsatisfactory from your correspondent\'s point of view, but excessive use of both the putter and sand-wedge are the root of the problem.',1,'','',200,1090,1,1),
(1094,'2010-11-14','2010-11-14 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2010-11-15 11:37:08',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,35,29,125,4,8,'Several unexplained absences and a rumoured retirement mean another poor turn out for Week 2.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy resumes a hitherto productive partnership with Nance, and Turbo teams up with Cutie-Cutie. A log jam on the course occasioned by the new Lady Captain\'s driving-in and lunch dictates a start from the third tee and by the sandwiches, Nance and Mr. Grumpy appear to have an unassailable lead. \r\n\r\nApparently appearances can be deceptive.\r\n\r\nOn the back nine Turbo turns up the wick and a couple of four-pointers backed up by a few three-pointers start to turn the tide. It\'s all square going down the second and last hole and Turbo\'s 5 nett 3 is sufficient to piss on the chips, added to which Mr. Grumpy collects the camels. It\'s all a bit unsatisfactory from your correspondent\'s point of view, but excessive use of both the putter and sand-wedge are the root of the problem.\r\n\r\nAnyway, as a result of his performance and his position at the top of the leaderboard, Turbo has now had his handicap slashed to only 29. \r\n\r\nIt may be a long, hard winter.',1,'','',200,1090,1,1),
(1095,'2010-11-14','2010-11-14 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2010-11-15 11:43:49',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,35,29,125,4,8,'Several unexplained absences and a rumoured retirement mean another poor turn out for Week 2.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy resumes a hitherto productive partnership with Nance, and Turbo teams up with Cutie-Cutie. A log jam on the course occasioned by the new Lady Captain\'s driving-in and lunch dictates a start from the third tee and by the sandwiches, Nance and Mr. Grumpy appear to have an unassailable lead. \r\n\r\nApparently appearances can be deceptive.\r\n\r\nOn the back nine Turbo turns up the wick and a couple of four-pointers backed up by a few three-pointers start to turn the tide. It\'s all square going down the second and last hole and Turbo\'s 5 nett 3 is sufficient to piss on the chips, added to which Mr. Grumpy collects the camels. It\'s all a bit unsatisfactory from your correspondent\'s point of view, but excessive use of both the putter and sand-wedge are the root of the problem.\r\n\r\nAnyway, as a result of his performance and his position at the top of the leaderboard, Turbo has now had his handicap slashed to only 29. \r\n\r\nIt may be a long, hard winter.\r\n\r\nIn the bar Jimmy Crankie sells Mr. Grumpy six goes to predict where the new Lady Captain will put her drive. She\'s using the yellow tees apparently. Now, Mr. Grumpy used to play off 14 and the yellow tees, so he puts his lollipop sticks just shy of where his ball used to land, favouring the right rough obviously.\r\n\r\nThe new Lady Captain then sticks her drive straight up the middle and 40 yards further, thus concluding a somewhat unsatisfactory morning all round.',1,'','',200,1090,1,1),
(1096,'2011-01-02','2011-01-02 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-03 16:01:25',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,1,1),
(1097,'2011-01-02','2011-01-02 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-03 16:32:51',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,14,204,7,8,'Well, it\'s been a very long time coming, but finally the Muffins get to play again and the long Christmas lay-off seems to have done a couple of Muffins a power of good as they both score in the high thirties.\r\n\r\nThe lay-off was welcome if only for the opportunity to shake from one\'s mind the image of Tate doing the rattlesnake shake over a picture of Princess Diana - an image that resulted from a 4th tee discussion during the Turkey Trot.\r\n\r\nThere\'s no Brett, so his retirement seems to be permanent, no Cutie-Cutie and no DJ who comes down with a migraine just before kick off; the root cause probably being the stress and pressure that comes with the match secretary\'s role. Nonethless Bones makes a welcome entrance and Neil, aka Stan Stennett, also makes a maiden appearance.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy\'s tossing has not improved such that a 6-1 split is finally resolved in favour of Turbo, Bones and Stan leading off. There\'s confusion re handicaps so that all scoring can only be regarded as provisional and the web computer has subsequently arrived at a team result somewhat different from the money that changed hands in the bar. Individually it appears that Bones took the 10 points with 37, closely followed by Tate with 36.\r\n\r\nA modest day on the fines front with Stan having to pay his own camel total rather than passing the responsibility on to DJ. \r\n\r\nPity.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1098,'2011-01-02','2011-01-02 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-03 16:05:38',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,14,204,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1097,1,1),
(1099,'2011-01-02','2011-01-02 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-03 16:05:38',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,14,204,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1097,1,1),
(1100,'2011-01-02','2011-01-02 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-03 16:24:27',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,14,204,7,8,'Well, it\'s been a very long time coming, but finally the Muffins get to play again and the long Christmas lay-off seems to have done a couple of Muffins a power of good as they both score in the high thirties.\r\n\r\nThere\'s no Brett, so his retirement seems to be permanent, no Cutie-Cutie and no DJ who comes down with a migraine just before kick off; the root cause probably being the stress and pressure that comes with the match secretary\'s role. Nonethless Bones makes a welcome entrance and Neil, aka Stan Stennett, also makes a maiden appearance.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy\'s tossing has not improved such that a 6-1 split is finally resolved in favour of Turbo, Bones and Stan leading off. There\'s confusion re handicaps so that all scoring can only be regarded as provisional and the computer has arrived at a team result somewhat different from the money that changed hands in the bar ',1,'','',200,1097,1,1),
(1101,'2011-01-09','2011-01-09 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-10 13:06:02',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,17,165,7,8,'It\'s Turbo\'s 21,915th day on earth and by way of celebration he foots the bill for the half-time refreshments whch is about the only highlight on a day where it\'s bollock-freezingly cold and the scoring is as low as a snake\'s arse.\r\n\r\nYour correspondent can\'t recall who conducted the toss, but it results in a potentially dream 3-ball of Cutie-Cutie, DJ and Nance versus a 4-ball in which Mr. Grumpy is, unusually and even uniquely, the \"low-man\".\r\n\r\nTate\'s chip-in for a gross 4 on the 1st promises much, but it\'s a false dawn although at the sandwiches it\'s revealed that the 3-ball\'s potential has not been realised and that their combined score barely even matches that of the Grumpster on his own.\r\n\r\nThe back 9 continues in similar vein although DJ pulls himself together, he gets scant support from his compadres. Nance fails to achieve double figures on either 9 and it\'s clear that the new set of clubs can\'t come soon enough.\r\n\r\nSo Mr. Grumpy takes the ten Muffin points on offer and Tate and Cutie-Cutie take the camels which, along with a couple of ducks from Stan swell the fines kitty.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1102,'2011-01-09','2011-01-09 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-09 21:06:00',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,16,163,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1101,1,1),
(1103,'2011-01-09','2011-01-09 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-09 21:06:00',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,17,165,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1101,1,1),
(1104,'2011-01-09','2011-01-09 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-09 21:06:00',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,17,165,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1101,1,1),
(1105,'2011-01-16','2011-01-16 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-17 18:11:33',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,20,202,7,8,'The forecast is for an imminent monsoon and accordingly the clouds are grey, low and scudding such that all bar Fat-Boy are wearing several layers and fully expecting to be drowned rats before half-way. Miraculously the deluge never happens and it\'s a mild-ish, essentially dry morning.\r\n\r\nNew equipment abounds. Well, Nance turns up with his new bats but Turbo, though the proud possessor of a top-of-the-range new electric trolley that Mr. Grumpy among others has forked out hard cash for, doesn\'t get it out of the box, doesn\'t even use his knackered old one and decides to carry his bag! How does that work?\r\n\r\nNance\'s first shot with the shiny new Titleists is a wedge to two feet, but after that it\'s a sequence of slappy cuts and pulls which indicates money poorly invested. However, somehow he gets it round in 36 points for a maiden victory of the winter.\r\n\r\nTate, Turbo and the Fat-Boy are the only others to get into the thirties and and in partnership with Stan, the former pair manage to lose only £2.\r\n\r\nA very useful day on the fines front with loads of camels, ducks and OOB\'s, plus back-payments, sending Mr. Grumpy home with bulging trousers - which is not a common occurence.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1106,'2011-01-16','2011-01-16 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-16 16:34:20',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,20,202,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1105,1,1),
(1107,'2011-01-16','2011-01-16 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-16 16:34:20',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,20,202,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1105,1,1),
(1108,'2011-01-16','2011-01-16 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-17 18:02:54',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,20,202,7,8,'The forecast is for an imminent monsoon and accordingly the clouds are grey, low and scudding such that all bar Fat-Boy are wearing several layers and fully exoecting to be drowned rats before half-way. Miraculously the deluge never happens and it\'s a mild-ish, dry morning.\r\n\r\nNew equipment abounds. Well, Nance turns up with his new bats but Turbo, though the proud possessor of a top-of-the-range new electric trolley doesn\'t get it out of the box, doesn\'t even use his old knackered one and decides to carry! How does that work?\r\n\r\nNance\'s first shot with the shiny new Titleists is a wedge to two feet, but after that it\'s a sequence of slappy cuts and pulls which indicates money poorly invested. However, somehow he gets it round in 36 points for a maiden victory of the winter.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1105,1,1),
(1109,'2011-01-16','2011-01-16 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-17 18:10:29',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,20,202,7,8,'The forecast is for an imminent monsoon and accordingly the clouds are grey, low and scudding such that all bar Fat-Boy are wearing several layers and fully exoecting to be drowned rats before half-way. Miraculously the deluge never happens and it\'s a mild-ish, essentially dry morning.\r\n\r\nNew equipment abounds. Well, Nance turns up with his new bats but Turbo, though the proud possessor of a top-of-the-range new electric trolley that Mr. Grumpy among others has forked out hard cash for, doesn\'t get it out of the box, doesn\'t even use his knackered old one and decides to carry his bag!\r\n\r\nHow does that work?\r\n\r\nNance\'s first shot with the shiny new Titleists is a wedge to two feet, but after that it\'s a sequence of slappy cuts and pulls which indicates money poorly invested. However, somehow he gets it round in 36 points for a maiden victory of the winter.\r\n\r\nTate, Turbo and the Fat-Boy are the only others to get into the thirties and and in partnership with Stan, the former pair manage to lose only £2.\r\n\r\nA very useful day on the fines front with loads of camels, ducks and OOB\'s, plus back-payments, sending Mr. Grumpy home with bulging trousers - which is not a common occurence.',1,'','',200,1105,1,1),
(1110,'2011-01-23','2011-01-23 08:00:00',17,2,89,89,'','2011-01-23 17:21:50',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,37,0,0,0,0,8,'No proper match this week as it\'s the re-played Turkey Trot and, if possible, the Muffins are actually worse than they were first time around - with the possible exception of Turbo and Nance who at least manage to score something than begins with a three.\r\n\r\nAs for the rest, Stan sets the tone by biffing his first tee shot OOB which requires DJ to trundle backwards 150 yards. Fat-Boy and Cutie-Cutie can\'t seem to reach anywhere approximate to the hole with their first putts and Mr. Grumpy plays as if every fairway is 50 yards right of where it actually is.\r\n\r\nAmong the more notable shots are DJ\'s drive on the 6th which contrives to hit partner Stan\'s bag for a two shot penalty; Mr. Grumpy\'s duffed chip on the 7th which raises Offa\'s dyke between the clubhead and the ball such that Tate is forced into a double hit with the next attempt and Nance\'s drive on the 6th which he tops into the stream. Oh what fun.\r\n\r\nSuffice it to say that the Muffin\'s are not required for the Prize Giving Ceremony in the Heaton Lounge.\r\n\r\nNormal service will be resumed next week.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1111,'2011-01-23','2011-01-23 08:00:00',17,2,89,89,'','2011-01-23 17:08:34',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,37,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1110,1,1),
(1112,'2011-01-23','2011-01-23 08:00:00',17,2,89,89,'','2011-01-23 17:08:34',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,37,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1110,1,1),
(1113,'2011-01-30','2011-01-30 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-01 17:26:32',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,35,23,173,6,8,'Just the six this week which splits Nance, Stan and Turbo vs Mr. Grumpy, Tate and DJ.\r\n\r\nTeam-wise it\'s no contest as led by Tate, DJ and Mr. Grumpy all pocket £4 being the result of a resounding and comprehensive victory. Tate\'s start is not promising, but from the 3rd onwards there\'s a torrent of 3 pointers such that on the 15th tee it\'s doubtful whether any other Muffins will get any personal points at all. Mr. Grumpy remarks as much out loud, to which Tate retorts \"that it wouldn\'t be the first time I\'ve blobbed the last 4 holes\".\r\n\r\nFoolish.\r\n\r\nA 4 pointer on the 16th is surrounded by 3 blobs AND the final camel on the 18th to limit Tate\'s victory and cause him to donate his £4 winnings to the fines kitty.\r\n\r\nElsewhere only Steady- Eddy Turbo and Mr. G sneak into the 30\'s and the man with the shiny new clubs fails to live up to his low single figure handicap by some considerable margin.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1114,'2011-01-30','2011-01-30 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-30 23:38:19',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,23,171,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1113,1,1),
(1115,'2011-01-30','2011-01-30 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-30 23:38:19',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,23,171,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1113,1,1),
(1116,'2011-01-30','2011-01-30 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-30 23:38:19',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,35,23,173,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1113,1,1),
(1117,'2011-01-30','2011-01-30 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-01-30 23:38:19',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,35,23,173,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1113,1,1),
(1118,'2011-02-06','2011-02-06 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-07 14:43:29',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,38,27,178,6,8,'Nice morning, good company, wins for England in the rugby and for Wolves in the footie - all is set up for an enjoyable morning, which Turbo then ruins by hitting an unstoppable run of form.\r\n\r\nPartnered with Stan and Mr. Grumpy, Turbo has a solid, if unspectacular front nine but then, fuelled by bacon and sausage, then turns up the wick and comes home in 24 points for an outstanding 38 point total. (Mr. Grumpy robbed him of a point on the 12th -  which the computer spots). The result is 10 Muffin points to Turbo to extend his lead at the top of the table - the rest, bar Nance with one point, - nowhere.\r\n\r\nThe only positive is that Turbo enables Stan and Mr. Grumpy to take £4 off Nance, DJ and Tate. \r\n\r\nOf this Stan hands back all but £0.25p in fines and Tate\'s camel contribution has him in his customary position at the head of the fines table.\r\n\r\nNext week sees the \"wooden spoon\" 6 Nations clash between Scotland and Wales at Murrayfield so Tate and DJ will be absent. \r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1119,'2011-02-06','2011-02-06 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-07 14:21:20',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,38,27,178,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1118,1,1),
(1120,'2011-02-06','2011-02-06 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-07 14:21:20',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,38,27,178,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1118,1,1),
(1121,'2011-02-06','2011-02-06 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-07 14:33:17',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,38,27,178,6,8,'Nice morning, good company, wins for England in the rugby and for Wolves in the footie - all is set up for an enjoyable morning, which Turbo then ruins by hitting an unstoppable run of form.\r\n\r\nPartnered with Stan and Mr. Grumpy, Turbo has a solid, if unspectacular front nine but then, fuelled by bacon and sausage, then turns up the wick and comes home in 24 points (Mr. Grumpy robbed him of a point on the 12th which the computer spots). The result is 10 Muffin points to extend his lead at the top of the table - the rest, nowhere. ',1,'','',200,1118,1,1),
(1122,'2011-02-13','2011-02-13 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-13 22:56:13',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,22,147,5,8,'A throughly miserable morning with arguably even less entertainment than that served up by Scotland vs Wales and, for Mr. Grumpy, almost as expensive.\r\n\r\nConstant drizzle throughout, the sun only shines on Turbo who maintains his form and triumphs once again. Turbo, Fat-Boy and sleeping partner Mr. G collect the money from Nance and Stan. \r\n\r\nOn the 5th and last tee there are 20 camels at stake. Mr. Grumpy is holding and goes last. Nance hits the green, Turbo and Stan are short of the stream but straight. Fat-Boy is left of the left hand bunkers on a bare lie. Mr. Grumpy is in the right hand bunker.\r\n\r\nStan and Turbo find the green. Fat-Boy thins his chip into Mr. Grumpy\'s bunker and now all Mr. G has to do is flop his out - the ball that is. He makes good contact and air mails the green into to the far bunker to put the tin hat on one of his poorest displays.\r\n\r\nIt seems to Mr. Grumpy that Brett might have had the right idea.\r\n\r\nDespite another victory Tubo somehow suffers no further reduction to his handicap. Is the Winter Comp all over bar the shouting?',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1123,'2011-02-13','2011-02-13 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-13 13:43:07',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,22,147,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1122,1,1),
(1124,'2011-02-13','2011-02-13 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-13 13:43:07',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,22,147,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1122,1,1),
(1125,'2011-02-20','2011-02-20 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-21 09:43:03',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,26,236,8,8,'How long does it take to lay a few slabs? \'Til hell freezes over apparently.\r\n\r\nAnyway, there\'s 8 Muffins which Fat-Boy splits up to his personal satisfaction and owing to conjestion on the 1st, it\'s a two-tee start from the 3rd and the 6th. Mr. Grumpy, Cutie-Cutie, Stan and Turbo will be getting the early sandwiches.\r\n\r\nIt\'s very soggy underfoot with no run on the ball which Mr.Grumpy will only understand if ever he finds another fairway. Turbo is not quite so hot as previous weeks, Stan is getting steadier - but the lightly raced Cutie-Cutie is finding a bit of form such that with the front nines halved, the higher handicap team pull off a win by a three point margin.\r\n\r\nThere are rules issues in the other group with Fat-Boy apparently pre-tesing the consistency of the sand in a bunker and Nance taking liberties with the yellow line defining the water hazard.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie takes home 10 Muffin points, a handicap adjustment and by virtue of sundry unpaid Owls and 12 camels, finishes about £5 down.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy would have found 4 hours in the company of Ruby the Heart Stealer much more enjoyable.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1126,'2011-02-20','2011-02-20 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-21 09:19:23',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,26,236,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1125,1,1),
(1127,'2011-02-20','2011-02-20 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-21 09:19:23',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,26,236,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1125,1,1),
(1128,'2011-02-27','2011-02-27 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-28 09:26:01',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,28,218,7,8,'It\'s a truism that bears s**t in the woods.\r\n\r\nBut apparently there are certain higher primates who choose to do the same - of which more later.\r\n\r\nSo, where to start? Perhaps at the beginning. \r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy meets Tate in the car park and enquires about the weather. \"It\'s going to be fine\" says Tate, so Mr. Grumpy removes his waterproofs and his umbrella from his bag. This turns out to be a bad decision.\r\n\r\nThis week there are 7 Muffins and Fat-Boy has pre-determined that his partners will be Nance and Tate and funnily enough, that\'s how the balls fall.\r\n\r\nAfter last weeks stumble, Turbo quickly resumes normal service and starts with 3 consecutive 3-pointers and thus, reasonably well supported by Mr. Grumpy, Stan and DJ, things are set fair for a 4-ball victory.\r\n\r\nNow, Stan is sporting some very dirty waterproof trousers and unusually elects to wash them in the stream on the 7th and even more unusually, to do so whilst still wearing them. Having retrieved his ball from the water, he somehow slips on the bridge parapet and swallow dives head first into the torrent and is all but submerged just holding his 8 iron as a periscope. As he emerges, it starts to rain. Unsurprisingly he blobs the hole.\r\n\r\nSo now that it\'s raining, Mr. Grumpy and Fat-Boy have to use the sandwich break to fetch their waterproofs from the car, but in jogging to the car park, something stirs in Fat-Boy\'s back passage. He thinks, erroneously, that a trip to the halfway house facilities will settle the matter. However, on the corner of the 11th, he receives another urgent message and pausing only to beg some wet wipes from Nance, scurries into the woods.\r\n\r\nNow at this point, DJ in the following group and ignorant of what\'s occuring in front tonks his ball into the self-same woods.....but, to everyones regret, the scene whereby DJ rounds a bush to see Fat-Boy with waterproofs round his ankles hovering over a steaming pile never actually happens. \r\n\r\nAfter all this the result seems small beer. Suffice it to say that Turbo wins AGAIN, the 4-ball take the money and controversy dogs Tate to the bitter end where there\'s a camel-avoidance debate on the 18th.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1129,'2011-02-27','2011-02-27 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-27 19:07:36',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,0,0,0,10,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1128,1,1),
(1130,'2011-02-27','2011-02-27 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-27 19:42:20',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,0,0,0,10,8,'It\'s a truism that bears s**t in the woods.\r\n\r\nBut apparently there are certain higher primates who choose to do the same - of which more later.\r\n\r\nSo, where to start? Perhaps at the beginning. \r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy meets Tate in the car park and enquires about the weather. \"It\'s going to be fine\" says Tate, so Mr. Grumpy removes his waterproofs and his umbrella from his bag - which turns out to be a bad decision.\r\n\r\nThere are 7 Muffins and Fat-Boy has pre-determined that his partners this week will be Nance and Tate and funnily enough, that\'s how the balls fall.\r\n\r\nAfter last weeks stumble, Turbo resumes normal service and starts with 3 consecutive 3-pointers and thus, reasonably well supported by Mr. Grumpy, Stan and DJ, things are set fair for a 4-ball victory.\r\n\r\nNow, Stan is sporting some very dirty waterproof trousers and unusually elects to wash them in the stream on the 7th and even more unusually, to do so whilst still wearing them. Having retrieved his ball from the water, he somehow slips on the bridge parapet and swallow dives head first into the torrent and is all but submerged holding his 8 iron as a periscope. And as he emerges, it starts to rain. Unsurprisingly he blobs the hole.\r\n\r\nSo, now that it\'s raining, Mr. Grumpy and Fat-Boy have to use the sandwich break to fetch their waterproofs from the car and in jogging to the car park, something stirs in Fat-Boy\'s back passage. He thinks, erroneously, that a trip to the halfway house facilities will settle the matter. However, on the corner of the 11th, he receives another urgent message and pausing only to beg some wet wipes from Nance, scurries into the woods.\r\n\r\nNow at this point, DJ in the following group and in ignorance of what\'s occuring, tonks his ball into the self-same woods.....but, to everyones regret, the scenario whereby DJ rounds a bush to see Fat-Boy waterproofs round his ankles hovering over a steaming pile never actually happens. \r\n\r\nAfter all this the result seems small beer. Suffice it to say that Turbo wins AGAIN, the 4-ball take the money and controversy dogs Tate to the bitter end where there\'s a camel-avoidance debate on the 18th.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1128,1,1),
(1131,'2011-02-27','2011-02-27 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-27 19:47:29',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,0,0,0,10,8,'It\'s a truism that bears s**t in the woods.\r\n\r\nBut apparently there are certain higher primates who choose to do the same - of which more later.\r\n\r\nSo, where to start? Perhaps at the beginning. \r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy meets Tate in the car park and enquires about the weather. \"It\'s going to be fine\" says Tate, so Mr. Grumpy removes his waterproofs and his umbrella from his bag. This turns out to be a bad decision.\r\n\r\nThis week there are 7 Muffins and Fat-Boy has pre-determined that his partners will be Nance and Tate and funnily enough, that\'s how the balls fall.\r\n\r\nAfter last weeks stumble, Turbo quickly resumes normal service and starts with 3 consecutive 3-pointers and thus, reasonably well supported by Mr. Grumpy, Stan and DJ, things are set fair for a 4-ball victory.\r\n\r\nNow, Stan is sporting some very dirty waterproof trousers and unusually elects to wash them in the stream on the 7th and even more unusually, to do so whilst still wearing them. Having retrieved his ball from the water, he somehow slips on the bridge parapet and swallow dives head first into the torrent and is all but submerged just holding his 8 iron as a periscope. As he emerges, it starts to rain. Unsurprisingly he blobs the hole.\r\n\r\nSo now that it\'s raining, Mr. Grumpy and Fat-Boy have to use the sandwich break to fetch their waterproofs from the car but in jogging to the car park, something stirs in Fat-Boy\'s back passage. He thinks, erroneously, that a trip to the halfway house facilities will settle the matter. However, on the corner of the 11th, he receives another urgent message and pausing only to beg some wet wipes from Nance, scurries into the woods.\r\n\r\nNow at this point, DJ in the following group and ignorant of what\'s occuring, in front tonks his ball into the self-same woods.....but, to everyones regret, the scene whereby DJ rounds a bush to see Fat-Boy with waterproofs round his ankles hovering over a steaming pile never actually happens. \r\n\r\nAfter all this the result seems small beer. Suffice it to say that Turbo wins AGAIN, the 4-ball take the money and controversy dogs Tate to the bitter end where there\'s a camel-avoidance debate on the 18th.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1128,1,1),
(1132,'2011-02-27','2011-02-27 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-27 19:49:34',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,28,219,7,8,'It\'s a truism that bears s**t in the woods.\r\n\r\nBut apparently there are certain higher primates who choose to do the same - of which more later.\r\n\r\nSo, where to start? Perhaps at the beginning. \r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy meets Tate in the car park and enquires about the weather. \"It\'s going to be fine\" says Tate, so Mr. Grumpy removes his waterproofs and his umbrella from his bag. This turns out to be a bad decision.\r\n\r\nThis week there are 7 Muffins and Fat-Boy has pre-determined that his partners will be Nance and Tate and funnily enough, that\'s how the balls fall.\r\n\r\nAfter last weeks stumble, Turbo quickly resumes normal service and starts with 3 consecutive 3-pointers and thus, reasonably well supported by Mr. Grumpy, Stan and DJ, things are set fair for a 4-ball victory.\r\n\r\nNow, Stan is sporting some very dirty waterproof trousers and unusually elects to wash them in the stream on the 7th and even more unusually, to do so whilst still wearing them. Having retrieved his ball from the water, he somehow slips on the bridge parapet and swallow dives head first into the torrent and is all but submerged just holding his 8 iron as a periscope. As he emerges, it starts to rain. Unsurprisingly he blobs the hole.\r\n\r\nSo now that it\'s raining, Mr. Grumpy and Fat-Boy have to use the sandwich break to fetch their waterproofs from the car but in jogging to the car park, something stirs in Fat-Boy\'s back passage. He thinks, erroneously, that a trip to the halfway house facilities will settle the matter. However, on the corner of the 11th, he receives another urgent message and pausing only to beg some wet wipes from Nance, scurries into the woods.\r\n\r\nNow at this point, DJ in the following group and ignorant of what\'s occuring in front tonks his ball into the self-same woods.....but, to everyones regret, the scene whereby DJ rounds a bush to see Fat-Boy with waterproofs round his ankles hovering over a steaming pile never actually happens. \r\n\r\nAfter all this the result seems small beer. Suffice it to say that Turbo wins AGAIN, the 4-ball take the money and controversy dogs Tate to the bitter end where there\'s a camel-avoidance debate on the 18th.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1128,1,1),
(1133,'2011-02-27','2011-02-27 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-27 19:49:34',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,28,218,7,8,'It\'s a truism that bears s**t in the woods.\r\n\r\nBut apparently there are certain higher primates who choose to do the same - of which more later.\r\n\r\nSo, where to start? Perhaps at the beginning. \r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy meets Tate in the car park and enquires about the weather. \"It\'s going to be fine\" says Tate, so Mr. Grumpy removes his waterproofs and his umbrella from his bag. This turns out to be a bad decision.\r\n\r\nThis week there are 7 Muffins and Fat-Boy has pre-determined that his partners will be Nance and Tate and funnily enough, that\'s how the balls fall.\r\n\r\nAfter last weeks stumble, Turbo quickly resumes normal service and starts with 3 consecutive 3-pointers and thus, reasonably well supported by Mr. Grumpy, Stan and DJ, things are set fair for a 4-ball victory.\r\n\r\nNow, Stan is sporting some very dirty waterproof trousers and unusually elects to wash them in the stream on the 7th and even more unusually, to do so whilst still wearing them. Having retrieved his ball from the water, he somehow slips on the bridge parapet and swallow dives head first into the torrent and is all but submerged just holding his 8 iron as a periscope. As he emerges, it starts to rain. Unsurprisingly he blobs the hole.\r\n\r\nSo now that it\'s raining, Mr. Grumpy and Fat-Boy have to use the sandwich break to fetch their waterproofs from the car but in jogging to the car park, something stirs in Fat-Boy\'s back passage. He thinks, erroneously, that a trip to the halfway house facilities will settle the matter. However, on the corner of the 11th, he receives another urgent message and pausing only to beg some wet wipes from Nance, scurries into the woods.\r\n\r\nNow at this point, DJ in the following group and ignorant of what\'s occuring in front tonks his ball into the self-same woods.....but, to everyones regret, the scene whereby DJ rounds a bush to see Fat-Boy with waterproofs round his ankles hovering over a steaming pile never actually happens. \r\n\r\nAfter all this the result seems small beer. Suffice it to say that Turbo wins AGAIN, the 4-ball take the money and controversy dogs Tate to the bitter end where there\'s a camel-avoidance debate on the 18th.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1128,1,1),
(1134,'2011-02-27','2011-02-27 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-02-27 19:49:34',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,28,218,7,8,'It\'s a truism that bears s**t in the woods.\r\n\r\nBut apparently there are certain higher primates who choose to do the same - of which more later.\r\n\r\nSo, where to start? Perhaps at the beginning. \r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy meets Tate in the car park and enquires about the weather. \"It\'s going to be fine\" says Tate, so Mr. Grumpy removes his waterproofs and his umbrella from his bag. This turns out to be a bad decision.\r\n\r\nThis week there are 7 Muffins and Fat-Boy has pre-determined that his partners will be Nance and Tate and funnily enough, that\'s how the balls fall.\r\n\r\nAfter last weeks stumble, Turbo quickly resumes normal service and starts with 3 consecutive 3-pointers and thus, reasonably well supported by Mr. Grumpy, Stan and DJ, things are set fair for a 4-ball victory.\r\n\r\nNow, Stan is sporting some very dirty waterproof trousers and unusually elects to wash them in the stream on the 7th and even more unusually, to do so whilst still wearing them. Having retrieved his ball from the water, he somehow slips on the bridge parapet and swallow dives head first into the torrent and is all but submerged just holding his 8 iron as a periscope. As he emerges, it starts to rain. Unsurprisingly he blobs the hole.\r\n\r\nSo now that it\'s raining, Mr. Grumpy and Fat-Boy have to use the sandwich break to fetch their waterproofs from the car but in jogging to the car park, something stirs in Fat-Boy\'s back passage. He thinks, erroneously, that a trip to the halfway house facilities will settle the matter. However, on the corner of the 11th, he receives another urgent message and pausing only to beg some wet wipes from Nance, scurries into the woods.\r\n\r\nNow at this point, DJ in the following group and ignorant of what\'s occuring in front tonks his ball into the self-same woods.....but, to everyones regret, the scene whereby DJ rounds a bush to see Fat-Boy with waterproofs round his ankles hovering over a steaming pile never actually happens. \r\n\r\nAfter all this the result seems small beer. Suffice it to say that Turbo wins AGAIN, the 4-ball take the money and controversy dogs Tate to the bitter end where there\'s a camel-avoidance debate on the 18th.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1128,1,1),
(1135,'2011-03-06','2011-03-06 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-10 11:07:55',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,36,21,226,8,8,'Late match report this week as the web site seemed to be down for a couple of days - and then I forgot. Still, it could be worse. DJ could have lost the scorecards and then there\'d be no individual details of the scores and the match result at all!\r\n\r\nOh, he has.\r\n\r\nNever mind, all you need to know is that I won and you didn\'t. For my trouble I\'ve been cut 1.2 and as our team lost the match it also cost me £2 and £1 for an OOB.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1136,'2011-03-06','2011-03-06 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-06 18:45:46',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,36,21,227,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1135,1,1),
(1137,'2011-03-13','2011-03-13 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-14 12:16:04',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,25,150,5,8,'13th March and an unpopular 5 ball make their way to the 6th tee however, it being the morning after the Annual Dinner, the course is quiet.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy is still pissed having had house guests drinking his scotch until 3:30 am but usually, that\'s when he\'s at his most dangerous. He selects Turbo and DJ as his accomplices leaving Nance to partner Mr. Grumpy. \r\n\r\nCompared to the drama of the previous couple of weeks it\'s a relatively quiet affair, although there\'s some quality banter. DJ makes a welcome return to form prior to the away day and seems to have conquered the top of backswing yips. He takes the 10 points with a useful 34.\r\n\r\nThe three-ball also take the £4 and with a couple of weeks to go in the winter season it\'s very close at the top. Turbo only has one Sunday left to secure his position and take the Trophy but he has Fat-Boy breathing heavily right up his a**e  - which is an image I\'ll leave with you.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1138,'2011-03-13','2011-03-13 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-13 15:19:41',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,25,150,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1137,1,1),
(1139,'2011-03-06','2011-03-06 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-10 11:07:55',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,36,21,227,8,8,'Late match report this week as the web site seemed to be down for a couple of days - and then I forgot. Still, it could be worse. DJ could have lost the scorecards and then there\'d be no individual details of the scores and the match result at all!\r\n\r\nOh, he has.\r\n\r\nNever mind, all you need to know is that I won and you didn\'t. For my trouble I\'ve been cut 1.2 and as our team lost the match it also cost me £2 and £1 for an OOB.',1,'','',200,1135,1,1),
(1140,'2011-03-06','2011-03-06 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-10 11:07:55',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,36,21,226,8,8,'Late match report this week as the web site seemed to be down for a couple of days - and then I forgot. Still, it could be worse. DJ could have lost the scorecards and then there\'d be no individual details of the scores and the match result at all!\r\n\r\nOh, he has.\r\n\r\nNever mind, all you need to know is that I won and you didn\'t. For my trouble I\'ve been cut 1.2 and as our team lost the match it also cost me £2 and £1 for an OOB.',1,'','',200,1135,1,1),
(1141,'2011-03-13','2011-03-13 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-13 15:19:41',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,25,150,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1137,1,1),
(1142,'2011-03-13','2011-03-13 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-14 12:12:02',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,25,150,5,8,'13th March and an unpopular 5 ball make their way to the 6th tee however, it being the morning after the Annual Dinner, the course is quiet.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy is still pissed having had house guests drinking his scotch until 3:30 am but usually, that\'s when he\'s at his most dangerous. He selects Turbo and DJ as his accomplices leaving Nance to partner Mr. Grumpy. \r\n\r\nCompared to the drama of the previous couple of weeks it\'s a relatively quiet affair, although there\'s some quality banter. DJ makes a welcome return to form prior to the away day and seems to have conquered the top of backswing yips. He takes the 10 points with a useful 34.\r\n\r\nThe three-ball also take the £4 and with a couple of weeks to go in the winter season it\'s very close at the top. Turbo only has one Sunday left to secure his position and take the Trophy but he has Fat-Boy breathing heavily right up his a**e which is an image I\'ll leave with you.',1,'','',200,1137,1,1),
(1143,'2011-03-18','2011-03-18 08:00:00',18,182,189,189,'','2011-03-21 10:37:21',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,36,40,21,197,6,8,'Six Muffins attended a fine Away Day at Coventry Finham. The weather was kind, and the course in reasonable nick but will improve with some growth in the fairways. Five genuine par 5\'s made it a long walk and the River Avon came into play more than a few times.\r\n\r\nThe ultimate winner over the two rounds was Cutie-Cutie who, having posted a superb 40 points in the morning, backed it up with another 34 in the afternoon. He will now have the singular honour of finding a suitable venue for the Autumn meeting.\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1144,'2011-03-18','2011-03-18 08:00:00',18,182,189,189,'','2011-03-18 13:15:42',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,37,41,22,203,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1143,1,1),
(1145,'2011-03-18','2011-03-18 08:00:00',18,182,189,189,'','2011-03-18 13:15:42',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,36,40,21,197,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1143,1,1),
(1146,'2011-03-20','2011-03-20 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-21 10:57:15',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,32,26,150,5,8,'For the second week running it\'s an unpopular 5 ball from the 6th and Mr. Grumpy conducts a dodgy toss which pairs him with Nance - for the second week running.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie, fresh from his triumph at Coventry Finham is on the second of the 46 different settings on his new driver so there\'s just 44 left - and they will be needed. Cutie-Cutie plays \"like a knob\" but strangely in a low scoring encounter his 32 points is enough to collect the individual ten from DJ and Nance with 9 each and Mr. Grumpy with 8.\r\n\r\nThe teams finish equal so no money changes hands other than DJ who sets an individual record by collecting 23 camels. The closing hole is the 5th. Nance is safe in the fringe. Cutie-Cutie and Mr. Grumpy are in bunkers, Turbo is some way off the green to the right and DJ is in the water. Turbo chips into the bunker as Cutie-Cutie and Mr. G splash out.\r\n\r\nDJ decides to save himself £1 by de-ducking, a risky strategy at the best of times. The ball richochets off a stone and comes out at 45 degrees into the front right bunker. Thus, £1 saved is transformed into £5.75 lost.\r\n\r\nWith one week keft in the hunt for Winter honours, non-playing Fat-Boy has snuck into the lead. Turbo cannot play next week so, barring a disaster or an unthinkable no-show, Fat-Boy is in the box seat.\r\n\r\nWorth mentioning I think that only Turbo, Nance and Mr. Grumpy are ever-presents with 13 appearances.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1147,'2011-03-20','2011-03-20 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-20 13:36:09',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,32,26,149,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1146,1,1),
(1148,'2011-03-20','2011-03-20 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-20 13:36:09',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,32,26,150,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1146,1,1),
(1149,'2011-03-18','2011-03-18 08:00:00',18,182,189,189,'','2011-03-18 13:15:42',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,36,40,21,197,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1143,1,1),
(1150,'2011-03-20','2011-03-20 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-20 13:36:09',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,32,26,150,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1146,1,1),
(1151,'2011-03-20','2011-03-20 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-21 10:52:11',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,32,26,150,5,8,'For the second week running it\'s an unpopular 5 ball from the 6th and Mr. Grumpy conducts a dodgy toss which pairs him with Nance - for the second week running.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie, fresh from his triumph at Coventry Finham is on the second of the 46 different settings on his new driver so there\'s just 44 left - and they will be needed. Cutie-Cutie plays \"like a knob\" but strangely in a low scoring encounter his 32 points is enough to collect the individual ten from DJ and Nance with 9 each and Mr. Grumpy with 8.\r\n\r\nThe teams finish equal so no money changes hands other than DJ who sets an individual record by collecting 23 camels. The closing hole is the 5th. Nance is safe in the fringe. Cutie-Cutie and Mr. Grumpy are in bunkers, Turbo is some way off the green to the right and DJ is in the water. Turbo chips into the bunker as Cutie-Cutie and Mr. G splash out.\r\n\r\nDJ decides to save himself £1 by de-ducking, a risky strategy at the best of times. The ball richochets off a stone and comes out at 45 degrees into the front right bunker. Thus, a £1 saved is transformed into £5.75 lost.\r\n\r\nWith one week keft in the hunt for Winter honours, non-playing Fat-Boy has snuck into the lead. Turbo cannot play next week so, barring a disaster or an unthinkable no-show, Fat-Boy is in the box seat.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1146,1,1),
(1152,'2011-03-20','2011-03-20 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-21 10:55:27',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,32,26,150,5,8,'For the second week running it\'s an unpopular 5 ball from the 6th and Mr. Grumpy conducts a dodgy toss which pairs him with Nance - for the second week running.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie, fresh from his triumph at Coventry Finham is on the second of the 46 different settings on his new driver so there\'s just 44 left - and they will be needed. Cutie-Cutie plays \"like a knob\" but strangely in a low scoring encounter his 32 points is enough to collect the individual ten from DJ and Nance with 9 each and Mr. Grumpy with 8.\r\n\r\nThe teams finish equal so no money changes hands other than DJ who sets an individual record by collecting 23 camels. The closing hole is the 5th. Nance is safe in the fringe. Cutie-Cutie and Mr. Grumpy are in bunkers, Turbo is some way off the green to the right and DJ is in the water. Turbo chips into the bunker as Cutie-Cutie and Mr. G splash out.\r\n\r\nDJ decides to save himself £1 by de-ducking, a risky strategy at the best of times. The ball richochets off a stone and comes out at 45 degrees into the front right bunker. Thus, £1 saved is transformed into £5.75 lost.\r\n\r\nWith one week keft in the hunt for Winter honours, non-playing Fat-Boy has snuck into the lead. Turbo cannot play next week so, barring a disaster or an unthinkable no-show, Fat-Boy is in the box seat.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1146,1,1),
(1153,'2011-03-18','2011-03-18 13:00:00',18,182,189,189,'','2011-03-22 23:03:10',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,36,35,26,198,6,13,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1154,'2011-03-18','2011-03-18 13:00:00',18,182,189,189,'','2011-03-22 23:03:10',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,36,37,26,201,6,13,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1153,1,1),
(1155,'2011-03-18','2011-03-18 13:00:00',18,182,189,189,'','2011-03-22 23:03:10',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,36,35,26,198,6,13,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1153,1,1),
(1156,'2011-03-27','2011-03-27 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-30 09:41:04',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,28,137,4,8,'The final match of the winter season finds the champion-elect, Fat-Boy, needing at least 5 points to take the title.  Having been at the top of the table for most of the season, Turbo\'s form of late had taken a bit of a dip and Fat-Boy had overtaken him in the closing straight.  With Turbo in Scotland for the weekend, he was relying on Fat-Boy to have a bit of a mare.  However, things weren’t looking promising for Turbo - Fat-Boy comes into the last match on the back of 39 points in the Presidents Competition the previous day.  39 points was good enough for 2nd place that day, and full shot off his CONGU handicap.\r\n\r\nAnd so to the final match. Unusually, the Sunday morning 4-ball, was in fact, a 4-ball.  Fat-Boy\'s ball-chuck was unsurprisingly controversial, and on this occasion picks DJ as his partner, with Stan partnering Nance in the opposite corner.  Fat-Boy was regretting his selection very early on - Nance was playing par golf from the off. DJ wasn\'t.  At the sandwiches, Nance and Stan had a comfortable 6 shot lead.\r\n\r\nDespite suggestions that golf is always a game of two halves, it didn\'t seem to be, and with Stan finding form on the green it looked like a runaway victory for the good-guys.\r\n\r\nHowever, Fat-Boys run of form continued from the previous day, and with an inward 9 of 23 points, he carried his partner to the back-9 spoils.  It wasn\'t enough to take the match - Nance and Stan’s outwards 9 was too hot to handle.  However with 39 points, Fat-Boy shared the individual honours with Nance and confirms his position at the top of the table to take the Jack-Shit Trophy once again.\r\n\r\nWorth noting, however, that for Fat-Boy scoring back-to-back 39 points over the weekend, both were only good enough for 2nd place.  Unlucky.\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1157,'2011-03-27','2011-03-27 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-30 08:18:05',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,40,28,141,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1156,1,1),
(1158,'2011-03-27','2011-03-27 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-30 08:18:05',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,40,28,138,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1156,1,1),
(1159,'2011-03-27','2011-03-27 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-30 08:18:05',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,28,137,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1156,1,1),
(1160,'2011-03-27','2011-03-27 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-30 08:18:05',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,28,137,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1156,1,1),
(1161,'2011-03-27','2011-03-27 08:00:00',17,2,67,67,'','2011-03-30 09:39:38',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,28,137,4,8,'The final match of the winter season finds the champion-elect, Fat-Boy, needing at least 5 points to take the title.  Having been at the top of the table for most of the season, Turbo\'s form of late had taken a bit of a dip and Fat-Boy had overtaken him in the closing straight.  With Turbo in Scotland for the weekend, he was relying on Fat-Boy to have a bit of a mare.  However, things weren’t looking promising for Turbo - Fat-Boy comes into the last match on the back of 39 points in the Presidents Competition the previous day.  39 points was good enough for 2nd place that day, and full shot off his CONGU handicap.\r\n\r\nAnd so to the final match. Unusually, the Sunday morning 4-ball, was in fact, a 4-ball.  Fat-Boy\'s ball-chuck was unsurprisingly controversial, and on this occasion picks DJ as his partner, with Stan partnering Nance in the opposite corner.  Fat-Boy was regretting his selection very early on - Nance was playing par golf from the off. DJ wasn\'t.  At the sandwiches, Nance and Stan had a comfortable 6 shot lead.\r\n\r\nDespite suggestions that golf is always a game of two halves, it didn\'t seem to be, and with Stan finding form on the green it looked like a runaway victory for the good-guys.\r\n\r\nHowever, Fat-Boys run of form continued from the previous day, and with an inward 9 of 23 points, he carried his partner to the back-9 spoils.  It wasn\'t enough to take the match - Nance and Stan’s outwards 9 was too \r\nhot to handle.  However with 39 points, Fat-Boy shared the individual honours with Nance and confirms his position at the top of the table to take the Jack-Shit Trophy once again.\r\n\r\nWorth noting, however, that for Fat-Boy scoring back-to-back 39 points over the weekend, both were only good enough for 2nd place.  Unlucky.\r\n',1,'','',200,1156,1,1),
(1162,'2011-04-03','2011-04-03 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-03 16:20:42',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,39,24,148,5,8,'A rich vein of form continues for the Fat-Boy as he goes into the first match of the Summer 2011 season off the back of a nett 66 in the previous days Div 1 Medal.  However, always the bridesmaid, as in previous weeks, his efforts were only good enough for 2nd place once again.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie has, it seems, found the correct configuration for his new R11 driver.  Whilst very effective for Cutie-Cutie, we doubt those in the Taylor-Made stable on the tour will be happy with the \"shit and slappy\" setting which Cutie-Cutie used to good effect.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie takes the honours on week 1 with an impressive 39 points, and it was enough, along with Turbo, to take the team honours as well.  Fat-Boy was the only other player to pick up any points at all.  Fat-Boys efforts were, once again, temporarily impeded by imminent bowel moverments shortly after the sandwiches.  A stretegic placement of his tee-shot on the 13th was required, some 40 yards out-of-bounds, and this enabled him to make good use of baby-wipes for the 2nd week running.  Fat-Boy refused to accept a retrospective fine for this misdemeanour, although it seems to be becomng a habit, so maybe a new extras category should be considered, going forward.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1163,'2011-04-03','2011-04-03 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-03 15:13:14',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,39,24,148,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1162,1,1),
(1164,'2011-04-03','2011-04-03 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-03 15:13:14',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,39,24,148,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1162,1,1),
(1165,'2011-04-03','2011-04-03 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-03 15:13:14',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,39,24,148,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1162,1,1),
(1166,'2011-04-03','2011-04-03 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-03 15:13:14',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,39,24,148,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1162,1,1),
(1167,'2011-04-03','2011-04-03 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-03 16:20:42',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,39,24,148,5,8,'A rich vein of form continues for the Fat-Boy as he goes into the first match of the Summer 2011 season off the back of a nett 66 in the previous days Div 1 Medal.  However, always the bridesmaid, as in previous weeks, his efforts were only good enough for 2nd place once again.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie has, it seems, found the correct configuration for his new R11 driver.  Whilst very effective for Cutie-Cutie, we doubt those in the Taylor-Made stable on the tour will be happy with the \"shit and slappy\" setting which Cutie-Cutie used to good effect.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie takes the honours on week 1 with an impressive 39 points, and it was enough, along with Turbo, to take the team honours as well.  Fat-Boy was the only other player to pick up any points at all.  Fat-Boys efforts were, once again, temporarily impeded by imminent bowel moverments shortly after the sandwiches.  A stretegic placement of his tee-shot on the 13th was required, some 40 yards out-of-bounds, and this enabled him to make good use of baby-wipes for the 2nd week running.  Fat-Boy refused to accept a retrospective fine for this misdemeanour, although it seems to be becomng a habit, so maybe a new extras category should be considered, going forward.',1,'','',200,1162,1,1),
(1168,'2011-04-10','2011-04-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-12 01:53:55',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,30,175,5,8,'The Sunday Morning 4-Ball seems to have settled down into a standard 5-ball.  Once again, this presented Fat-Boy with a conundrum on the ball toss.  It seems that he had decided he wanted to play with DJ and Nance on this occasion, and a toss of Stan and Turbos balls 20 yards away onto the ladies tee avoided any debate on the matter.\r\n\r\nA start on the 6th to avoid the traffic was required.  Whilst the first 4 holes were predictably scrappy, it was clear at the sandwiches, that Fat-Boys selections were good ones.  Even DJ, who had gone into temporary retirement the previous  week (Mr. Grumpy-style) following a woeful performance at the Div 1 Medal, was keeping his ball on the course.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy, too, seemed a little more focussed.   There was no need to repeat his exploits of the previous two weeks, requiring visits to the trees and the strategic use of baby wipes - maybe he has now learned his lesson not to have 7 pints and a Keema Peas Madras the night before a game of golf.  Or maybe not.\r\n\r\nNance destroys the back-9 in level par gross for 21 points, however still trails Stan, who, in a rare run of form, accumulates 22 points by the time the boys arrive at the 1st for the final 5 holes.  It seems that Stan is also capable of a game of two halves (Mr. Grumpy-style), and gets only 12 points on the front-9 to fall away into mid-table mediocraty.  Nance completes an individual victory with a decent 39 points.  \r\n\r\nFat-Boys selections do indeed, come up trumps, with the 3-ball of Nance, DJ and Fat-Boy taking the back-9 and the match. DJ decides to join the party by picking up the camels on the last hole - OGCs 5th.\r\n\r\nSUPPLEMENTARY\r\n\r\nGreetings from Mr. Grumpy sunning himself in the Whitsunday Islands off the North Queensland coast where the beer is fizzy, differs little from brand to brand and is ice-cold, but the seafood and steaks are plentiful. (tasty in price as well).\r\n\r\nPure white sand beaches, clear blue skies, azure sea and tropical rain forest - not that dissimilar from downtown Knowle obviously. However, it will all be over too soon and a return to the highs and mostly lows of the Sunday 5-Ball is imminent. See you on the 24th.',1,'imag0094.jpg','Nance didnt look like he had 39 points in him, needing a drop at the 6th, his opening hole) - Summer 2011 wk 2.',200,0,0,1),
(1169,'2011-04-10','2011-04-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-10 18:31:23',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1168,1,1),
(1170,'2011-04-10','2011-04-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-10 18:31:23',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1168,1,1),
(1171,'2011-04-10','2011-04-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-10 18:31:23',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1168,1,1),
(1172,'2011-04-10','2011-04-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-10 18:34:05',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The Sunday Morning 4-Ball seems to have settled down into a standard 5-ball.  Once again, this presented Fat-Boy with a conundrum on the ball toss.  It seems that he had decided he wanted to play with DJ and Nance on this occasion, and a toss of Stan and Turbos balls 20 yards away onto the ladies tee avoided any debate on the matter.\r\n\r\nA start on the 6th to avoid the traffic was required.  Whilst the first 4 holes were predictably scrappy, it was clear at the sandwiches, that Fat-Boys selections were good ones.  Even DJ, who had gone into temporary retirement the previous  week (Mr. Grumpy-style) following a woeful performance at the Div 1 Medal, was keeping his ball on the course.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy, too, seemed a little more focussed.   There was no need to repeat his exploits of the previous two weeks, requiring visits to the trees and the strategic use of baby wipes - maybe he has now learned his lesson not to have 7 pints and a Keema Peas Madras the night before a game of golf.  Or maybe not.\r\n\r\nNance destroys the back-9 in level par gross for 21 points, however still trails Stan, who, in a rare run of form, accumulates 22 points by the time the boys arrive at the 1st for the final 5 holes.  It seems that Stan is also capable of a game of two halves (Mr. Grumpy-style), and gets only 12 points on the front-9 to fall away into mid-table mediocraty.  Nance completes an individual victory with a decent 39 points.  \r\n\r\nFat-Boys selections do indeed, come up trumps, with the 3-ball of Nance, DJ and Fat-Boy taking the back-9 and the match. DJ decides to join the party by picking up the camels on the last hole - OGCs 5th.',1,'','',200,1168,1,1),
(1173,'2011-04-10','2011-04-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-10 18:43:33',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The Sunday Morning 4-Ball seems to have settled down into a standard 5-ball.  Once again, this presented Fat-Boy with a conundrum on the ball toss.  It seems that he had decided he wanted to play with DJ and Nance on this occasion, and a toss of Stan and Turbos balls 20 yards away onto the ladies tee avoided any debate on the matter.\r\n\r\nA start on the 6th to avoid the traffic was required.  Whilst the first 4 holes were predictably scrappy, it was clear at the sandwiches, that Fat-Boys selections were good ones.  Even DJ, who had gone into temporary retirement the previous  week (Mr. Grumpy-style) following a woeful performance at the Div 1 Medal, was keeping his ball on the course.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy, too, seemed a little more focussed.   There was no need to repeat his exploits of the previous two weeks, requiring visits to the trees and the strategic use of baby wipes - maybe he has now learned his lesson not to have 7 pints and a Keema Peas Madras the night before a game of golf.  Or maybe not.\r\n\r\nNance destroys the back-9 in level par gross for 21 points, however still trails Stan, who, in a rare run of form, accumulates 22 points by the time the boys arrive at the 1st for the final 5 holes.  It seems that Stan is also capable of a game of two halves (Mr. Grumpy-style), and gets only 12 points on the front-9 to fall away into mid-table mediocraty.  Nance completes an individual victory with a decent 39 points.  \r\n\r\nFat-Boys selections do indeed, come up trumps, with the 3-ball of Nance, DJ and Fat-Boy taking the back-9 and the match. DJ decides to join the party by picking up the camels on the last hole - OGCs 5th.',1,'imag0094.jpg','Nance didnt look like he had 39 points in him, needing a drop at the 6th, his opening hole) - Summer 2011 wk 2.',200,1168,1,1),
(1174,'2011-04-10','2011-04-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-12 01:53:55',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,30,176,5,8,'The Sunday Morning 4-Ball seems to have settled down into a standard 5-ball.  Once again, this presented Fat-Boy with a conundrum on the ball toss.  It seems that he had decided he wanted to play with DJ and Nance on this occasion, and a toss of Stan and Turbos balls 20 yards away onto the ladies tee avoided any debate on the matter.\r\n\r\nA start on the 6th to avoid the traffic was required.  Whilst the first 4 holes were predictably scrappy, it was clear at the sandwiches, that Fat-Boys selections were good ones.  Even DJ, who had gone into temporary retirement the previous  week (Mr. Grumpy-style) following a woeful performance at the Div 1 Medal, was keeping his ball on the course.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy, too, seemed a little more focussed.   There was no need to repeat his exploits of the previous two weeks, requiring visits to the trees and the strategic use of baby wipes - maybe he has now learned his lesson not to have 7 pints and a Keema Peas Madras the night before a game of golf.  Or maybe not.\r\n\r\nNance destroys the back-9 in level par gross for 21 points, however still trails Stan, who, in a rare run of form, accumulates 22 points by the time the boys arrive at the 1st for the final 5 holes.  It seems that Stan is also capable of a game of two halves (Mr. Grumpy-style), and gets only 12 points on the front-9 to fall away into mid-table mediocraty.  Nance completes an individual victory with a decent 39 points.  \r\n\r\nFat-Boys selections do indeed, come up trumps, with the 3-ball of Nance, DJ and Fat-Boy taking the back-9 and the match. DJ decides to join the party by picking up the camels on the last hole - OGCs 5th.\r\n\r\nSUPPLEMENTARY\r\n\r\nGreetings from Mr. Grumpy sunning himself in the Whitsunday Islands off the North Queensland coast where the beer is fizzy, differs little from brand to brand and is ice-cold, but the seafood and steaks are plentiful. (tasty in price as well).\r\n\r\nPure white sand beaches, clear blue skies, azure sea and tropical rain forest - not that dissimilar from downtown Knowle obviously. However, it will all be over too soon and a return to the highs and mostly lows of the Sunday 5-Ball is imminent. See you on the 24th.',1,'imag0094.jpg','Nance didnt look like he had 39 points in him, needing a drop at the 6th, his opening hole) - Summer 2011 wk 2.',200,1168,1,1),
(1175,'2011-04-10','2011-04-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-12 01:53:55',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,30,175,5,8,'The Sunday Morning 4-Ball seems to have settled down into a standard 5-ball.  Once again, this presented Fat-Boy with a conundrum on the ball toss.  It seems that he had decided he wanted to play with DJ and Nance on this occasion, and a toss of Stan and Turbos balls 20 yards away onto the ladies tee avoided any debate on the matter.\r\n\r\nA start on the 6th to avoid the traffic was required.  Whilst the first 4 holes were predictably scrappy, it was clear at the sandwiches, that Fat-Boys selections were good ones.  Even DJ, who had gone into temporary retirement the previous  week (Mr. Grumpy-style) following a woeful performance at the Div 1 Medal, was keeping his ball on the course.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy, too, seemed a little more focussed.   There was no need to repeat his exploits of the previous two weeks, requiring visits to the trees and the strategic use of baby wipes - maybe he has now learned his lesson not to have 7 pints and a Keema Peas Madras the night before a game of golf.  Or maybe not.\r\n\r\nNance destroys the back-9 in level par gross for 21 points, however still trails Stan, who, in a rare run of form, accumulates 22 points by the time the boys arrive at the 1st for the final 5 holes.  It seems that Stan is also capable of a game of two halves (Mr. Grumpy-style), and gets only 12 points on the front-9 to fall away into mid-table mediocraty.  Nance completes an individual victory with a decent 39 points.  \r\n\r\nFat-Boys selections do indeed, come up trumps, with the 3-ball of Nance, DJ and Fat-Boy taking the back-9 and the match. DJ decides to join the party by picking up the camels on the last hole - OGCs 5th.\r\n\r\nSUPPLEMENTARY\r\n\r\nGreetings from Mr. Grumpy sunning himself in the Whitsunday Islands off the North Queensland coast where the beer is fizzy, differs little from brand to brand and is ice-cold, but the seafood and steaks are plentiful. (tasty in price as well).\r\n\r\nPure white sand beaches, clear blue skies, azure sea and tropical rain forest - not that dissimilar from downtown Knowle obviously. However, it will all be over too soon and a return to the highs and mostly lows of the Sunday 5-Ball is imminent. See you on the 24th.',1,'imag0094.jpg','Nance didnt look like he had 39 points in him, needing a drop at the 6th, his opening hole) - Summer 2011 wk 2.',200,1168,1,1),
(1176,'2011-04-17','2011-04-17 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-17 15:29:38',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,28,196,6,8,'Just when it looked like like a 5-ball was becoming the norm, 6 Muffins turn up for week 3.  A potential Cutie-Cutie absence was avoided at the last minute with a young Ms. Cutie-Cutie being roped into caddying for Cutie-Cutie Sr. Caddying in the loosest sense, since she seemed keener on capturing Muffins in action on celluloid rather than carrying Cutie-Cuties bats.  Time will tell if her skills with the camera match those of Mr. Grumpy, although early signs were looking positive.  Muffins were told to be on their best behavior. Cutie-Cutie was made aware that it was he who needs to improve his behaviour.  Nuff said.\r\n\r\nAnyway, onwards and upwards.    Fat-Boy decides he want to play with Cutie-Cutie and Turbo this week.  However, he regretted this decision early on. Stans playing partners (Nance and DJ) were happy to see that he had found a swing from somewehere.  An outward 9 on 19 help his team to a comfortable 6 point lead at the turn.  This was desipte Stans failure to de-duck at the 5th - an entertaining event which added significant coffers to the extras fund, however was missed by our earstwhile photo-journalist.  It was clear Fat-Boys mind was elsewhere - maybe worried that an urgent need for baby-wipe utilisation would come over him on the 11th, with Ms. Cutie-Cutie in close attendance ?\r\n\r\nAnyway, an even better back-9 for Stan helped him to both an individual and team triumph, and well overdue handicap cut.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1177,'2011-04-17','2011-04-17 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-17 14:00:48',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,38,28,194,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1176,1,1),
(1178,'2011-04-17','2011-04-17 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-17 14:00:48',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,28,196,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1176,1,1),
(1179,'2011-04-17','2011-04-17 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-17 14:00:48',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,28,196,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1176,1,1),
(1180,'2011-04-17','2011-04-17 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-17 15:25:14',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,28,196,6,8,'Just when it looked like like a 5-ball was becoming the norm, 6 Muffins turn up for week 3.  A potential Cutie-Cutie absence was avoided at the last minute with a young Ms. Cutie-Cutie being roped into caddying for Cutie-Cutie Sr. Caddying in the loosest sense, since she seemed keener on capturing Muffins in action on celluloid rather than carrying Cutie-Cuties bats.  Time will tell if her skills with the camera math those of Mr. Grumpy, although early signs were looking positive.  Muffins were told to be on their best behavior. Cutie-Cutie was made aware that it was he who needs to improve his behaviour.  Nuff said.\r\n\r\nAnyway, onwards and upwards.    Fat-Boy decides he want to play with Cutie-Cutie and Turbo this week.  However, he regretted this decision early o\r\nStans playing partners (Nance and DJ) were happy to see that he had found a swing from somewehere.  An outward 9 on 19 help his team to a comfortable 6 point lead at the turn.  This was desipte Stans failure to de-duck at the 5th - an entertaining event which added significant coffers to the extras fund, however was missed by our earstwhile photo-journalist.  It was clear Fat-Boys mind was elsewhere - maybe worried that an urgent need for baby-wipe utilisation would come over him on the 11th, with Ms. Cutie-Cutie in close attendance ?\r\n\r\nAnyway, an even better back-9 for Stan helped him to both an individual and team triumph, and well overdue handicap cut.',1,'','',200,1176,1,1),
(1181,'2011-04-17','2011-04-17 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-17 15:26:27',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,28,196,6,8,'Just when it looked like like a 5-ball was becoming the norm, 6 Muffins turn up for week 3.  A potential Cutie-Cutie absence was avoided at the last minute with a young Ms. Cutie-Cutie being roped into caddying for Cutie-Cutie Sr. Caddying in the loosest sense, since she seemed keener on capturing Muffins in action on celluloid rather than carrying Cutie-Cuties bats.  Time will tell if her skills with the camera math those of Mr. Grumpy, although early signs were looking positive.  Muffins were told to be on their best behavior. Cutie-Cutie was made aware that it was he who needs to improve his behaviour.  Nuff said.\r\n\r\nAnyway, onwards and upwards.    Fat-Boy decides he want to play with Cutie-Cutie and Turbo this week.  However, he regretted this decision early on. Stans playing partners (Nance and DJ) were happy to see that he had found a swing from somewehere.  An outward 9 on 19 help his team to a comfortable 6 point lead at the turn.  This was desipte Stans failure to de-duck at the 5th - an entertaining event which added significant coffers to the extras fund, however was missed by our earstwhile photo-journalist.  It was clear Fat-Boys mind was elsewhere - maybe worried that an urgent need for baby-wipe utilisation would come over him on the 11th, with Ms. Cutie-Cutie in close attendance ?\r\n\r\nAnyway, an even better back-9 for Stan helped him to both an individual and team triumph, and well overdue handicap cut.',1,'','',200,1176,1,1),
(1182,'2011-04-17','2011-04-17 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-17 15:29:38',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,28,196,6,8,'Just when it looked like like a 5-ball was becoming the norm, 6 Muffins turn up for week 3.  A potential Cutie-Cutie absence was avoided at the last minute with a young Ms. Cutie-Cutie being roped into caddying for Cutie-Cutie Sr. Caddying in the loosest sense, since she seemed keener on capturing Muffins in action on celluloid rather than carrying Cutie-Cuties bats.  Time will tell if her skills with the camera match those of Mr. Grumpy, although early signs were looking positive.  Muffins were told to be on their best behavior. Cutie-Cutie was made aware that it was he who needs to improve his behaviour.  Nuff said.\r\n\r\nAnyway, onwards and upwards.    Fat-Boy decides he want to play with Cutie-Cutie and Turbo this week.  However, he regretted this decision early on. Stans playing partners (Nance and DJ) were happy to see that he had found a swing from somewehere.  An outward 9 on 19 help his team to a comfortable 6 point lead at the turn.  This was desipte Stans failure to de-duck at the 5th - an entertaining event which added significant coffers to the extras fund, however was missed by our earstwhile photo-journalist.  It was clear Fat-Boys mind was elsewhere - maybe worried that an urgent need for baby-wipe utilisation would come over him on the 11th, with Ms. Cutie-Cutie in close attendance ?\r\n\r\nAnyway, an even better back-9 for Stan helped him to both an individual and team triumph, and well overdue handicap cut.',1,'','',200,1176,1,1),
(1183,'2011-04-17','2011-04-17 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-17 15:29:38',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,28,196,6,8,'Just when it looked like like a 5-ball was becoming the norm, 6 Muffins turn up for week 3.  A potential Cutie-Cutie absence was avoided at the last minute with a young Ms. Cutie-Cutie being roped into caddying for Cutie-Cutie Sr. Caddying in the loosest sense, since she seemed keener on capturing Muffins in action on celluloid rather than carrying Cutie-Cuties bats.  Time will tell if her skills with the camera match those of Mr. Grumpy, although early signs were looking positive.  Muffins were told to be on their best behavior. Cutie-Cutie was made aware that it was he who needs to improve his behaviour.  Nuff said.\r\n\r\nAnyway, onwards and upwards.    Fat-Boy decides he want to play with Cutie-Cutie and Turbo this week.  However, he regretted this decision early on. Stans playing partners (Nance and DJ) were happy to see that he had found a swing from somewehere.  An outward 9 on 19 help his team to a comfortable 6 point lead at the turn.  This was desipte Stans failure to de-duck at the 5th - an entertaining event which added significant coffers to the extras fund, however was missed by our earstwhile photo-journalist.  It was clear Fat-Boys mind was elsewhere - maybe worried that an urgent need for baby-wipe utilisation would come over him on the 11th, with Ms. Cutie-Cutie in close attendance ?\r\n\r\nAnyway, an even better back-9 for Stan helped him to both an individual and team triumph, and well overdue handicap cut.',1,'','',200,1176,1,1),
(1184,'2011-04-24','2011-04-24 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-25 18:05:19',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,35,29,127,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1185,'2011-04-24','2011-04-24 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-25 18:05:38',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,1,1),
(1186,'2011-04-24','2011-04-24 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-25 18:05:19',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,35,29,127,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1184,1,1),
(1187,'2011-04-24','2011-04-24 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-25 18:05:19',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,35,29,127,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1184,1,1),
(1188,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-03 08:09:18',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'Mr. Grumpy is currently claiming that there is a problem with the web-site and that his quality match reports keep disappearing.  Clearly this points to user-error, however the webmaster is investigating to see if, on the off-chance, he may be right.\r\n\r\nInvestigations currently are inconclusive - the symptoms suggested by Mr. Grumpy cannot be reproduced by the webmaster.\r\n\r\nStill cant reproduce it.  However noticed that text with quotes doesn\'t get updated.\r\n\r\nStill can\'t reproduce it - quotes issue fixed.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy has now gone in again and added this which seems to appear so all may have been fixed. It may have been the quotes problem referred to above.\r\n\r\nAnyway, all eyes now turn to the Tour. Several questions remain unanswered. Is there a Mini-bus and what time will it arrive? As tradition dictates will there be beer and a disco on board? Will the weather hold? Will Tate\'s knee survive? Will Fat-Boy\'s bowels be as loose as a wizard\'s sleeve and how will Bainey react to being supplanted as on-course crapper-in-chief?',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1189,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-01 13:02:52',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,192,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1190,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-01 13:02:52',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1191,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',21,2,67,67,'','2011-05-01 14:46:33',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,43,20,240,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,1,1),
(1192,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',21,2,67,67,'','2011-05-01 14:46:33',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,43,15,229,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1191,1,1),
(1193,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',21,2,67,67,'','2011-05-01 14:46:33',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,43,20,240,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1191,1,1),
(1194,'2011-04-24','2011-04-24 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-04-25 18:05:19',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,35,29,127,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1184,1,1),
(1195,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-01 13:02:52',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1196,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-01 20:34:47',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'Fat-Boy (aka LateRooms.com) is up in Scotland so its seven Muffins for the first day in May.',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1197,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-01 20:34:47',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'Fat-Boy (aka LateRooms.com) is up in Scotland so its seven Muffins for the first day in May.',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1198,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-01 21:00:18',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1199,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-01 21:00:18',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1200,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-02 06:37:08',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'Mr. Grumpy is currently claiming that there is a problem with the web-site and that his quality match reports keep disappearing.  Clearly this points to user-error, however the webmaster is investigating to see if, on the off-chance, he may be right.',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1201,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-02 06:37:08',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'Mr. Grumpy is currently claiming that there is a problem with the web-site and that his quality match reports keep disappearing.  Clearly this points to user-error, however the webmaster is investigating to see if, on the off-chance, he may be right.',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1202,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-02 06:38:27',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'Mr. Grumpy is currently claiming that there is a problem with the web-site and that his quality match reports keep disappearing.  Clearly this points to user-error, however the webmaster is investigating to see if, on the off-chance, he may be right.',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1203,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-02 06:39:46',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'Mr. Grumpy is currently claiming that there is a problem with the web-site and that his quality match reports keep disappearing.  Clearly this points to user-error, however the webmaster is investigating to see if, on the off-chance, he may be right.\r\n\r\nInvestigations currently are inconclusive - the symptoms suggested by Mr. Grumpy cannot be reproduced by the webmaster.',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1204,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-02 06:39:46',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'Mr. Grumpy is currently claiming that there is a problem with the web-site and that his quality match reports keep disappearing.  Clearly this points to user-error, however the webmaster is investigating to see if, on the off-chance, he may be right.\r\n\r\nInvestigations currently are inconclusive - the symptoms suggested by Mr. Grumpy cannot be reproduced by the webmaster.',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1205,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-02 06:56:18',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'Mr. Grumpy is currently claiming that there is a problem with the web-site and that his quality match reports keep disappearing.  Clearly this points to user-error, however the webmaster is investigating to see if, on the off-chance, he may be right.\r\n\r\nInvestigations currently are inconclusive - the symptoms suggested by Mr. Grumpy cannot be reproduced by the webmaster.\r\n\r\nStill cant reproduce it.',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1206,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-02 07:01:09',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'Mr. Grumpy is currently claiming that there is a problem with the web-site and that his quality match reports keep disappearing.  Clearly this points to user-error, however the webmaster is investigating to see if, on the off-chance, he may be right.\r\n\r\nInvestigations currently are inconclusive - the symptoms suggested by Mr. Grumpy cannot be reproduced by the webmaster.\r\n\r\nStill cant reproduce it.  However noticed that text with quotes doesn\'t get updated.\r\n\r\nStill can\'t reproduce it - quotes issue fixed.',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1207,'2011-05-01','2011-05-01 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-03 08:05:11',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,191,7,8,'Mr. Grumpy is currently claiming that there is a problem with the web-site and that his quality match reports keep disappearing.  Clearly this points to user-error, however the webmaster is investigating to see if, on the off-chance, he may be right.\r\n\r\nInvestigations currently are inconclusive - the symptoms suggested by Mr. Grumpy cannot be reproduced by the webmaster.\r\n\r\nStill cant reproduce it.  However noticed that text with quotes doesn\'t get updated.\r\n\r\nStill can\'t reproduce it - quotes issue fixed.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy has now gone in again and added this which seems to appear so all may have been fixed.',1,'','',200,1188,1,1),
(1208,'2011-05-05','2011-05-05 08:00:00',21,189,208,208,'','2011-05-11 13:56:06',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,37,37,25,224,7,8,'Controversy at the commencement of the 2011 Tour as the Muffins embezzle £28 from the host club. Mr. Grumpy confirms there will be eight golfers @£38 per head when it turns out there are only seven which attracts a charge of £42 per head. the Head Pro chases the 4-ball down the 1st fairway, but gets no change from them, so it\'s one-nil to the Muffins.\r\n\r\nOccasional member Guido claims a handicap of 23 and turns in a useful 37 points to claim the first victory of the Tour. Owing to the labyrinthine nature of the Mongu calculations, he somehow survives a handicap cut.\r\n\r\nFun and games en-route to the Village Hotel in Swansea when Fat-Boy decides that Mr. Grumpy\'s luggage bag is the ideal receptacle for empty bottles of Stella Artois.\r\n\r\nDinner involves a long walk to an Italian that seems to be somewhere on the Pembrokeshire border.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1209,'2011-05-05','2011-05-05 08:00:00',21,189,208,208,'','2011-05-05 14:44:04',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,37,36,25,223,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1208,1,1),
(1210,'2011-05-05','2011-05-05 08:00:00',21,189,208,208,'','2011-05-05 14:44:04',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,37,35,25,222,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1208,1,1),
(1211,'2011-05-05','2011-05-05 08:00:00',21,189,208,208,'','2011-05-05 14:44:04',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,37,37,25,224,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1208,1,1),
(1212,'2011-05-06','2011-05-06 08:00:00',21,84,195,195,'','2011-05-11 15:11:02',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,35,21,225,8,8,'A fine venue in a fine location and notable for being where Gary Wolstenhome defeats Tiger Woods in his last match as an amateur. Gloomy early, the weather clears and it\'s a glorious day. The sea is full of surfers so many in fact that very few people in South Wales seem to be doing a day\'s work. Perhaps they\'re all on benefits?\r\n\r\nTate\'s first drive of Tour is not a thing of beauty - a pull hook due left - but it\'s his only false stroke of the day and in the two-ball company of Fat-Boy, they finish on top of the pile.\r\n\r\nThere\'s a couple of par 3\'s that test even the Muffins, but solace is found in the half-way hut where a decent cup of tea is served by a cute girlie.\r\n\r\nLunch is in the historic clubhouse and it\'s cod goujon\'s all round except for Bainey who plumps for the ham salad option.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1213,'2011-05-06','2011-05-06 08:00:00',21,84,195,195,'','2011-05-06 11:14:27',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,35,21,226,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1212,1,1),
(1214,'2011-05-06','2011-05-06 08:00:00',21,84,195,195,'','2011-05-06 11:14:27',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,35,21,225,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1212,1,1),
(1215,'2011-05-06','2011-05-06 13:00:00',21,84,195,195,'','2011-05-11 15:12:21',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,32,25,196,7,13,'Tate\'s dodgy knee precludes more than one round per day, so he assumes the role of team photographer and sensibly decides to pitch his tent at the half-way hut where he can keep a close eye on the aforementioned cute girlie.\r\n\r\nIt\'s also Cutie-Cutie\'s last match of the Tour and although he can\'t match the stellar start he managed at Ross, he brings home the bacon to head the table with a closing average of 7 points, something that will not be bettered by those remaining on Tour.\r\n\r\nGenerously he subsequently suggests that anyone who wishes to qualify as champion should play 50% of matches. However, in absentia, the Muffins have independently decided that it should be 75%, thus taking Cutie-Cutie out of the equation completely.\r\n\r\nA quick pint of Hancocks HB preceeds a drive back to the Village Hotel and a taxi ride to an Indian of dubious quality that seems to have a shortage of spices. This is followed by a walk up an alleyway into Wind Street which seems to be like Broad Street on steroids. The highlight is Fat-Boy\'s view of a local lady who bends down to retrieve something from the floor and reveals a football pitch of an a**e inadequately concealed by underwear.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1216,'2011-05-06','2011-05-06 13:00:00',21,84,195,195,'','2011-05-06 16:42:21',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,32,25,195,7,13,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1215,1,1),
(1217,'2011-05-06','2011-05-06 13:00:00',21,84,195,195,'','2011-05-06 16:42:21',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,32,25,196,7,13,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1215,1,1),
(1218,'2011-05-07','2011-05-07 13:00:00',21,184,197,197,'','2011-05-11 15:14:52',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,18,189,7,13,'Saturday and the Muffins arrive at the Nicklaus designed Machrynis to find that another group of OGC members have reserved the prior tee times. Bit of a coincidence.\r\n\r\nThe course is a contrast being a new US style of venue with acres of water. The pro at Royal Porthcawl has suggested that the water doesn\'t actually come into play, but with a combined total of about 20 ducks between Tate, Guido and Mr. Grumpy the Muffins might choose to differ.\r\n\r\nNow, there\'s a point in every Tour where Mr. Grumpy\'s wheels come off and having played OK at Ross and at Porthcawl pm, this is it. The wind, the watery threat and a swing that differs with every stroke is seldom a recipe for success. The only highlight is the six-bounce Barnes-Wallis that clears the lake at the 18th by a foot.\r\n\r\nMachrynys in the wind rewards long, straight hitting and it\'s appropriate that the lowest handicapper - Nance - comes out on top. For his trouble he\'s also rewarded by his beloved Darlo winning the FA Autoglass Windscreens, Johnson\'s Paint, Leyland Daf Vans, Who Gives a S**t Scrubber\'s Cup/Trophy by the only goal in the 120th minute.\r\n\r\nDinner is courtesy of the local dock-side Thai restaurant that\'s preceeded by drinks in a nearby Tapas bar where the scenery is a considerable distraction, but the prices unjustifiable.\r\n\r\nPost dinner, the Muffins discover a little bar run by a couple of lads who seem to be naive, but desperate to please. Five Muffins think it\'s worthy of supporting until 2am.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1219,'2011-05-07','2011-05-07 13:00:00',21,184,197,197,'','2011-05-07 19:00:08',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,18,195,7,13,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1218,1,1),
(1220,'2011-05-07','2011-05-07 13:00:00',21,184,197,197,'','2011-05-07 19:00:08',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,18,191,7,13,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1218,1,1),
(1221,'2011-05-07','2011-05-07 13:00:00',21,184,197,197,'','2011-05-07 19:00:08',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,18,189,7,13,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1218,1,1),
(1222,'2011-05-08','2011-05-08 10:00:00',21,185,204,204,'','2011-05-11 15:17:21',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,25,213,7,10,'Sunday morning arrives too early and the Muffins should be in church but instead drive to Southerdown GC, a cliff-top course with panoramic views and lots of gorse. Distant church bells remind the Muffins of their obligations.\r\n\r\nThe pro-shop seems to have de-camped to the lounge, the office to the snooker room and the payment machine to the office, so it\'s all a bit confusing. There\'s sheep and their droppings all over the place and the greens are lumpy such that the collective opinion is that Southerndown cannot justify the £75 green fee. Nonetheless it\'s a pleasant enough course in benign weather. Thre are no takers for the extra 18 at £25.\r\n\r\nA factor of Muffin\'s tours is Bainey\'s consistency. Generally always in the upper echelons of the scoring, today is his opportunity to come out on top which he seizes with both hands. \r\n\r\nTate hits some shots where even the sheep have never ventured and brings matters to a conclusion with a downhill chip off a bare lie over a bunker and into the clubhouse windows that eventually comes to rest behind the patio railings.\r\n\r\nOn the football front it\'s a red-letter day with the Yam-Yams crushing the Baggies at lunchtime and the afternoon is spent watching Utd vs Chelsea in the hotel bar. This is marred by the prescence of two Welsh half-wits, high on something, who insist on shouting at each other despite being sat only two feet apart. After 10 minutes, Mr. Grumpy de-camps to the other side of the lounge.\r\n\r\nDinner is but a short taxi-ride away to a Chinese which, in the pantheon of Muffin\'s meals, will not rank highly. A largely deserted restaurant results in the meal being delivered to the table within seconds of being ordered. Freshly prepared? My a**e.\r\n\r\nFortunately succour is at hand in the aforementioned waterside bar where another extended session is enjoyed. \r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1223,'2011-05-08','2011-05-08 10:00:00',21,185,204,204,'','2011-05-08 15:03:59',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,25,214,7,10,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1222,1,1),
(1224,'2011-05-08','2011-05-08 10:00:00',21,185,204,204,'','2011-05-08 15:03:59',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,25,213,7,10,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1222,1,1),
(1225,'2011-05-09','2011-05-09 08:00:00',21,71,205,205,'','2011-05-11 15:33:50',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,42,21,218,7,8,'Pennard - \"The Links in the Sky\" - evokes strong opinions. The Muffins are visiting because of DJ\'s recommendation and, as it turns out, Guido and Nance in particular love it, Mr. Grumpy hates it. The weather is unreliable. several heavy squalls dampen proceedings and on one hole Nance loses a ball and not one but two umbrellas, such is the wind velocity.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy is experimenting with an electric trolley which turns out to be the Devil\'s invention. Afflicted by a switch that seems to be still \"on\" when it\'s \"off\", the trolley suffers two Senna-like crashes within the first four holes and is only prevented from disappearing over the cliff on the 5th by a particularly alert Fat-Boy. Not only that, keeping it going in the correct direction over humps and bumps where few people ever go proves nigh on impossible.\r\n\r\nElsewhere Guido is racking up an impressive 41 points which can only contribute to his favourable opinion of the place. Mr. Grumpy thinks it should be turned over to potatoes.\r\n\r\nAnother dispute ensues over lunch. Mr. Grumpy thinks that lunch is included, the Steward opines otherwise. Having come out on top at Ross, the Muffins can afford to be generous and subsequent to the Tour, forensic examination of emails by Mr. Grumpy fails to prove the case one way or the other.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1226,'2011-05-09','2011-05-09 08:00:00',21,71,205,205,'','2011-05-09 14:20:31',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,42,23,223,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1225,1,1),
(1227,'2011-05-09','2011-05-09 08:00:00',21,71,205,205,'','2011-05-09 14:20:31',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,42,21,219,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1225,1,1),
(1228,'2011-05-09','2011-05-09 08:00:00',21,71,205,205,'','2011-05-09 14:20:31',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,42,21,218,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1225,1,1),
(1229,'2011-05-09','2011-05-09 16:00:00',21,71,205,205,'','2011-05-11 15:50:46',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,37,28,197,6,16,'Having failed to obtain an industrial quantity of ready-chitted King Edwards over lunchtime, the Muffins prepare to go out again. However, due to the weather and the lateness of the hour, it\'s only for the back nine.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy plays well, sufficiently so to collect the 10 Muffin\'s points and Mr. Grumpy\'s only consolation is that he can\'t hit the ball far enough to lose it, having played the entire day with the same Srixon. He corrects this anomaly on the 18th tee by bashing it into the practice ground.\r\n\r\nAfter a couple of sharpeners it\'s off to the Beaufort Arms at Raglan for the last night of the Tour. Full volume AC/DC over the last few miles seems to disorientate Mr. Grumpy and on arriving at the car park and whilst taking a phone call, he bashes his brains out on the van tail gate. He arrives in reception moist, dishevilled and with blood trickling down his face.\r\n\r\nNevertheless he is admitted.\r\n\r\nAn excellent dinner follows, although Tate only gets his seafood risotto at breakfast the next morning.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1230,'2011-05-09','2011-05-09 16:00:00',21,71,205,205,'','2011-05-09 22:20:15',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,38,28,198,6,16,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1229,1,1),
(1231,'2011-05-09','2011-05-09 16:00:00',21,71,205,205,'','2011-05-09 22:20:15',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,37,28,197,6,16,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1229,1,1),
(1232,'2011-05-10','2011-05-10 10:00:00',21,186,201,201,'','2011-05-11 16:11:13',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,24,195,7,10,'The eigth and ultimate round sees the Muffins at the Rolls of Monmouth, an old favourite although as yet unknown to Tate and DJ. There\'s a bacon bap on offer, but having just wolfed a full English the Muffins decline in favour of a two-course lunch. However, van owner Guido pisses on this particular plate of chips by insisting on an early departure so he can get home to watch a girls cricket match. The apple crumble remains un-eaten.\r\n\r\nPrior to this DJ makes a belated bid for stardom by heading affairs, but for him it\'s too little - too late and his relative consistency over all eight games goes unrewarded. \r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie having been casually (some might say cruelly) discarded, the final overall Tour result is a unique three-way tie between Guido, Bainey and Fat-Boy. This is most convenient because owing to consistent and ritual abuse, the Tour Trophy is in at least three pieces anyway and can thus be shared without fear of favour.\r\n\r\nSo, that\'s it. As usual there were highs and lows, laughter and tears, good golf and dire golf, good meals and bad, consistent alcohol consumption and cameraderie. But also a strong and abiding sense of loss with the news about the one and only Seve Ballesteros. We\'ll never forget him and the pleasure he brought us.\r\n\r\nAdios amigo.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1233,'2011-05-10','2011-05-10 10:00:00',21,186,201,201,'','2011-05-10 14:09:53',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,24,195,7,10,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1232,1,1),
(1234,'2011-05-10','2011-05-10 10:00:00',21,186,201,201,'','2011-05-10 14:09:53',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,24,195,7,10,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1232,1,1),
(1235,'2011-05-05','2011-05-05 08:00:00',21,189,208,208,'','2011-05-05 14:44:04',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,37,37,25,224,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1208,1,1),
(1236,'2011-05-06','2011-05-06 08:00:00',21,84,195,195,'','2011-05-06 11:14:27',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,35,21,225,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1212,1,1),
(1237,'2011-05-05','2011-05-05 08:00:00',21,189,208,208,'','2011-05-11 13:47:32',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,37,37,25,224,7,8,'Controversy at the commencement of the 2011 Tour as the Muffins embezzle £28 from the host club. Mr. Grumpy confirms there will be eight golfers @£38 per head when it turns out there are only seven which attracts a charge of £42 per head. the Head Pro chases the 4-ball down the 1st fairway, but gets no change from them, so it\'s one-nil to the Muffins.\r\n\r\nOccasional member Guido claims a handicap of 23 and turns in a useful 37 points to claim the first victory of the Tour. Owing to the labyrinthine nature of the Mongu calculations, he somehow survives a handicap cut.\r\n\r\nFun and games en-route to the Village Hotel in Swansea when Fat-Boy decides that Mr. Grumpy\'s luggage bag is the ideal receptacle for empty bottles of Stella Artois.',1,'','',200,1208,1,1),
(1238,'2011-05-06','2011-05-06 08:00:00',21,84,195,195,'','2011-05-11 13:52:42',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,35,21,225,8,8,'A fine venue in a fine location and notable for being where Gary Wolstenhome defeats Tiger Woods in his last match as an amateur. Gloomy early, the weather clears and it\'s a glorious day. The sea is full of surfers so many in fact that very few people in South Wales seem to be doing a day\'s work.\r\n\r\nTate\'s first drive of Tour is not a thing of beauty - a pull hook due left - but it\'s the only false stroke of the day and in the two-ball company of Fat-Boy they finish on top of the pile.',1,'','',200,1212,1,1),
(1239,'2011-05-06','2011-05-06 13:00:00',21,84,195,195,'','2011-05-06 16:42:21',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,32,25,196,7,13,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1215,1,1),
(1240,'2011-05-06','2011-05-06 13:00:00',21,84,195,195,'','2011-05-11 14:07:46',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,32,25,196,7,13,'Tate\'s dodgy knee precludes more than one round per day so he assumes the role of team photographer and decides to pitch his tent at the half-way hut where he can keep a close eye on of the aforementioned cute girlie.',1,'','',200,1215,1,1),
(1241,'2011-05-10','2011-05-10 10:00:00',21,186,201,201,'','2011-05-11 13:31:52',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,24,195,7,10,'The first match of the 2011 Tour at Ross on Wye starts on a sour note as Mr. Grumpy embezzles the host club out of £28 by confirming that the Muffins would be 8 in number @£38 per head when they actually turn out to be 7, whereby £42 per head was actually required. The Head Pro chases the Muffins down the 1st fairway but fails to recoup the dosh. \r\n\r\nOne-up to the Muffins.\r\n\r\nIrregular member Guido claims a handicap of 23 and secures a victory with 37 stableford points but, due to the labyrinthine nature of the Mongu handicap system, somehow avoids a cut.\r\n\r\nFun and games en-route to the Village Hotel in Swansea when Fat-Boy decides that Mr. Grumpy\'s luggage hold-all is the ideal receptacle for the empty bottles of Stella Artois.',1,'','',200,1232,1,1),
(1242,'2011-05-07','2011-05-07 13:00:00',21,184,197,197,'','2011-05-07 19:00:08',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,18,189,7,13,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1218,1,1),
(1243,'2011-05-07','2011-05-07 13:00:00',21,184,197,197,'','2011-05-11 14:26:07',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,18,189,7,13,'Saturday and the Muffins arrive at the Nicklaus designed Machrynis to find that another group of OGC members have reserved the prior tee times. Bit of a coincidence.\r\n\r\nThe course is a contrast being a new US style of venue with acres of water. The pro at Royal Porthcawl has suggested that the water doesn\'t actually come into play but ',1,'','',200,1218,1,1),
(1244,'2011-05-08','2011-05-08 10:00:00',21,185,204,204,'','2011-05-08 15:03:59',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,25,213,7,10,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1222,1,1),
(1245,'2011-05-06','2011-05-06 08:00:00',21,84,195,195,'','2011-05-11 14:04:46',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,35,21,225,8,8,'A fine venue in a fine location and notable for being where Gary Wolstenhome defeats Tiger Woods in his last match as an amateur. Gloomy early, the weather clears and it\'s a glorious day. The sea is full of surfers so many in fact that very few people in South Wales seem to be doing a day\'s work. Perhaps they\'re all on benefits.\r\n\r\nTate\'s first drive of Tour is not a thing of beauty - a pull hook due left - but it\'s the only false stroke of the day and in the two-ball company of Fat-Boy they finish on top of the pile.\r\n\r\nThere\'s a couple of par 3\'s that test even the Muffins, but solace is found in the half-way hut where a decent cup of tea is served by a cute girlie.\r\n\r\nLunch is in the historic clubhouse and it\'s cod goujon\'s all round except for Bainey who plumps for the ham salad option.',1,'','',200,1212,1,1),
(1246,'2011-05-06','2011-05-06 13:00:00',21,84,195,195,'','2011-05-11 14:20:16',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,32,25,196,7,13,'Tate\'s dodgy knee precludes more than one round per day so he assumes the role of team photographer and sensibly decides to pitch his tent at the half-way hut where he can keep a close eye on the aforementioned cute girlie.\r\n\r\nIt\'s also Cutie-Cutie\'s last match of the Tour and although he can\'t match the stellar start he managed at Ross, he brings home the bacon to head the table with a closing average of 7 points, something that will not be bettered by those remaining on Tour.\r\n\r\nGenerously he subsequently suggests that anyone who wishes to qualify as champion should play 50% of matches. However, in absentia, the Muffins have independently decided that it should be 75%, thus taking Cutie-Cutie out of the equation completely.\r\n\r\nA quick pint of Hancocks HB preceeds a drive back to the Village Hotel and a taxi ride to an Indian of dubious quality that seems to have a shortage of spices. This is followed by a walk up an alleyway into Wind Street which seems to be like Broad Street on steroids. The highlight is Fat-Boy\'s view of a local lady who bends down to retrieve something from the floor and reveals a football pitch of an a**e inadequately concealed by underwear.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1215,1,1),
(1247,'2011-05-07','2011-05-07 13:00:00',21,184,197,197,'','2011-05-11 14:40:54',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,18,189,7,13,'Saturday and the Muffins arrive at the Nicklaus designed Machrynis to find that another group of OGC members have reserved the prior tee times. Bit of a coincidence.\r\n\r\nThe course is a contrast being a new US style of venue with acres of water. The pro at Royal Porthcawl has suggested that the water doesn\'t actually come into play, but with a combined total of about 20 ducks between Tate, Guido and Mr. Grumpy the Muffins might chose to differ.\r\n\r\nThere\'s a point in every Tour where Mr. Grumpy\'s wheels come off and having played OK at Ross and at Porthcawl pm, this is it. The wind, the watery threat and a swing that differs with every stroke is not a recipe for success. The only highlight is the six bounce Barnes-Wallis that clears the lake at the 18th by a foot.\r\n\r\nMachrynys in the wind rewards long, straight hitting and it\'s appropriate that the lowest handicapper - Nance - comes out on top. For his trouble he\'s also rewarded by his beloved Darlo winning the FA Autoglass Windscreens, Johnson\'s Paint, Leyland Daf Vans, Who Gives a S**t Scrubber\'s Cup/Trophy by the only goal in the 120th minute.\r\n\r\nDinner is courtesy of the local dock-side Thai restaurant that\'s preceeded by drinks in a nearby Tapas bar where the scenery is a considerable distraction but the prices unjustifiable.\r\n\r\nPost dinner, the Muffins discover a little bar run by a couple of lads who seem to be naive, but desperate to please. Five Muffins think it\'s worthy of supporting until 2am.',1,'','',200,1218,1,1),
(1248,'2011-05-08','2011-05-08 10:00:00',21,185,204,204,'','2011-05-11 15:05:28',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,25,213,7,10,'Sunday morning arrives too early and the Muffins should be in church but instead drive to Southerdown GC, a cliff-top course with panoramic views and lots of gorse. Distant church bells remind the Muffins of their obligations.\r\n\r\nThe pro-shop seems to have de-camped to the lounge, the office to the snooker room and the payment machine to the office, so it\'s all a bit confusing. There\'s sheep and their droppings all over the place and the greens are lumpy such that the collective opinion is that Southerndown cannot justify the £75 green fee. Nonetheless it\'s a pleasant enough course in benign weather. Thre are no takers for the extra 18 at £25.\r\n\r\nA factor of Muffin\'s tours is Bainey\'s consistency. Generally always in the upper echelons of the scoring, today is his opportunity to come out on top which he seizes with both hands. \r\n\r\nTate hits some shots where even the sheep have never ventured and brings matters to a conclusion with a downhill chip off a bare lie over a bunker into the clubhouse windows that eventually comes to rest behind the patio railings.\r\n\r\nOn the football front it\'s a red-letter day with the Yam-Yams crushing the Baggies at lunchtime and the afternoon is spent watching Utd vs Chelsea in the hotel bar. This is marred by the prescence of two Welsh half-wits, high on something who insist on shouting at each other despite being sat on two feet apart. After 10 minutes, Mr. Grumpy de-camps to the other side of the lounge.\r\n\r\nDinner is but a short taxi-ride away to a Chinese which, in the pantheon of Muffin\'s meals, will not rank highly. A largely deserted restaurant results in the meal being deliver to the table within seconds of it being ordered. Freshly prepared? \r\n\r\nMy a**e.\r\n\r\nFortunately succour is at hand in the aforementioned waterside bar where another extended session is enjoyed. \r\n',1,'','',200,1222,1,1),
(1249,'2011-05-09','2011-05-09 08:00:00',21,71,205,205,'','2011-05-09 14:20:31',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,42,21,218,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1225,1,1),
(1250,'2011-05-09','2011-05-09 16:00:00',21,71,205,205,'','2011-05-09 22:20:15',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,37,28,197,6,16,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1229,1,1),
(1251,'2011-05-09','2011-05-09 16:00:00',21,71,205,205,'','2011-05-11 15:40:27',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,37,28,197,6,16,'Having failed to obtain an industrial quantity of ready-chitted King Edwards over lunchtime, the Muffins prepare to go out again. However, due to the weather and the lateness of the hour, it\'s only for the back nine.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy plays well, sufficiently so to collect the 10 Muffin\'s points and whilst Mr. Grumpy\'s only consolation is that he can\'t hit the ball far enough to lose it, Tate hits some drives so far off line that he adds an average of 100 yards to each hole.',1,'','',200,1229,1,1),
(1252,'2011-05-10','2011-05-10 10:00:00',21,186,201,201,'','2011-05-11 14:22:23',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,24,195,7,10,'',1,'','',200,1232,1,1),
(1253,'2011-05-15','2011-05-15 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-16 11:19:28',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,138,5,8,'The tour being a distant memory the Muffins revert to their now traditional awkward 5 ball format, but the course is largely deserted so it\'s not a problem. Nance decides to partner DJ and Turbo leaving the unfortunate Stan to partner Mr. Grumpy.\r\n\r\nGenerally the scoring is poor with DJ and Turbo in particular suffering the \"game of two halves\" syndrome. Mr. Grumpy has no halves at all and Nance is not on song either. Stan provides the team score on 16 of the 18 holes contested and at the conclusion the contest is declared a draw, although subsequently the computer decides otherwise.\r\n\r\nStan takes the ten Muffin points by a clear margin\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1254,'2011-05-15','2011-05-15 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-16 11:04:12',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,138,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1253,1,1),
(1255,'2011-05-15','2011-05-15 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-16 11:04:12',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,22,138,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1253,1,1),
(1256,'2011-05-22','2011-05-22 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-23 17:51:41',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,24,112,4,8,'It\'s May 22nd and the middle of the Summer 2011 season, but memories of North-Berwick in 2007 come flooding  back -  we have gale-force winds at OGC; Mr. Grumpy has started another retirement, having concluded his swing has deserted him; and Tate is spraying balls over every out-of-bounds fence.  Happy days.\r\n\r\nA cosy 4-ball for the latest encounter, and on todays performance, more retirements may be imminent, so a 4-ball is maybe the best we can hope for in the future.\r\n\r\nHaving assumed the role of deputy tosser, Nance decides to play with DJ for the day, leaving Turbo to rue his impending partnership with Tate.  \r\n\r\nIt seems that Nance and Turbo are the only ones to have brought any semblence of a golf-game with them for the day, and at the turn, the spoils were halved.  \r\n\r\nA welcome sandwich didn\'t seem to help Tate, who sends his tee shot from the 10th tee over the top of Geoff Wards roof.   It was clear that Tate and DJ had their minds firmly on the Villa match later in the day, and the anticipation of a Blues relegation was affecting their concentration.   Turbo seemed to be able to multi-task and was unaffected by such distractions.\r\n\r\nAnd so, almost as an aside, Nance takes the individual honours, with Turbo a close second.  The rest were nowhere.  Nance and DJ take the match.   DJ caps it all by taking a healthy 25 camels.\r\n\r\nThe Blues look forward to Championship football.  Wolves look forward to Championship football in 2013.  The Quakers look forward to Championship football, sometime beyond 2061.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1257,'2011-05-22','2011-05-22 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-22 21:29:27',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,1,1),
(1258,'2011-05-22','2011-05-22 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-22 21:27:37',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,24,112,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1256,1,1),
(1259,'2011-05-22','2011-05-22 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-22 21:27:37',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,24,112,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1256,1,1),
(1260,'2011-05-29','2011-05-29 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-30 07:53:52',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,1,1),
(1261,'2011-05-29','2011-05-29 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-30 07:54:33',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,1,1),
(1262,'2011-05-29','2011-05-29 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-30 07:53:52',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1260,1,1),
(1263,'2011-05-29','2011-05-29 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-30 07:53:52',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1260,1,1),
(1264,'2011-05-29','2011-05-29 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-30 08:44:48',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,30,24,164,6,8,'This web site is being extremely slow and having posted the scores and extras, I have now lost the will to live. Suffice it to say that Nance takes the ten points on a day where the flags were still in the Birkett Barker comedy positions and the nines were halved. The team of Fat-Boy, Cutie-Cutie and Stan won £2.\r\n\r\nI now have the onerous task of revisiting all past Summer matches to bring all the fines bar DJ and Tate\'s up to date.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1265,'2011-05-29','2011-05-29 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-30 08:16:04',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,30,24,164,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1264,1,1),
(1266,'2011-05-29','2011-05-29 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-30 08:16:04',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,30,24,164,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1264,1,1),
(1267,'2011-05-29','2011-05-29 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-05-30 08:26:50',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,30,24,164,6,8,'This web site is being extremely slow and having posted the scores and extras, I have now lost the will to live. Suffice it to say that Nance takes the ten points on a day where the flage were still in the Birkett Barker comedy positions and the nines were halved. The team of Fat-Boy, Cutie-Cutie and Stan won £2.\r\n\r\nI now have the onerous task of revisiting all past Summer matches to bring all the fines bar DJ and Tate\'s up to date.',1,'','',200,1264,1,1),
(1268,'2011-06-05','2011-06-05 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-06 18:56:59',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,32,22,136,5,8,'A slightly chilly morning and the now traditional Muffin 5 ball makes its way to the 6th tee where Fat-Boy decides that he will partner Turbo and DJ leaving Nance to cope with the vagaries of Mr. Grumpy\'s game.\r\n\r\nIt appears that time has now caught up with all the Muffins bar one. Trolleys abound and Nance has even succombed to the lure of an electric version that is due any day. \r\n\r\nPoofs all and Mr. Grumpy rests secure in the knowledge that although he may at times play like a girl, at least he won\'t look like one. It reminds your correspondent of a Gary Newman  hit - Are Friends Electric?.\r\n\r\nAnyway, it\'s not a high quality encounter. DJ and Turbo share top spot with 32 points and Fat-Boy has a day to forget. Mr. Grumpy doesn\'t make any contribution whatsoever until the last 5 holes by which time the match and £4 is lost.\r\n\r\nTurbo collects the camels by virtue of Nance - who is holding them at the time - mysteriously finding Turbo\'s 5th hole tee shot resting in the bunker by the side of the 4th green.\r\n\r\nAnd finally I think it\'s worth pointing out that this may be the only thing you read this week that doesn\'t have a picture of Pippa Middleton in it. \r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1269,'2011-06-05','2011-06-05 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-05 14:46:45',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,32,22,136,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1268,1,1),
(1270,'2011-06-05','2011-06-05 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-05 14:46:45',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,32,22,136,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1268,1,1),
(1271,'2011-06-12','2011-06-12 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-12 13:18:11',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,29,25,109,4,8,'When DJ is Match Secretary it\'s always nice weather, but Nance takes a turn and thus it wazzes down. Nance (playing with Turbo) and Mr. Grumpy (playing with Cutie-Cutie) get soaked to the skin, but console themselves with the knowledge that conditions are probably much worse down at Trevose.\r\n\r\nAs publicised last week, Nance has invested in an electric trolley with a remote control. It\'s not a \"brand name\" and there are suggestions that he might have got it from www.isawyoucoming.com. The thing seems to have a mind of its own and zig zags violently in all directions. It also has a tendency towards severe wheel spin and so digs itself into some bark chippings on the 4th and the gravel path on the 15th while Nance exhibits all the driver skills of Andrea de Cesaris.\r\n\r\nBy the 16th the rain has seeped into the electrics such that \"on\" becomes \"off\" and \"off\" has become \"on\" so increasing the fun factor exponentially. The likelihood is this will cause weeks of amusement.\r\n\r\nMatch-wise Mr. Grumpy and Cutie-Cutie take the front comfortably, but lose the back equally comfortably with the result that Turbo and Nance take £2.\r\n\r\nThe computer then corrects Mr. Grumpy\'s maths such that he and Nance share ten points with very modest 29s.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1272,'2011-06-12','2011-06-12 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-12 12:53:39',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,29,24,108,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1271,1,1),
(1273,'2011-06-12','2011-06-12 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-12 12:53:39',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,29,25,109,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1271,1,1),
(1274,'2011-06-12','2011-06-12 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-12 12:53:39',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,29,25,109,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1271,1,1),
(1275,'2011-06-19','2011-06-19 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-19 19:31:46',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,22,124,4,8,'A regular 4-ball and decent weather for once.  Mr. Grumpy is absent, but would be delighted to hear that Nance has reverted to a carry-bag - the fun and games of his remote control trolley experience of the previous week are now confined to the history books. Nance chooses Turbo as his playing partner, leaving Stan and DJ to anticipate defeat from early on in the round.\r\n\r\nStan was demonstrating early desparation with a failed attempt at a de-duck at the 5th.  At the turn, Nance and Turbo has a comfortable lead.\r\nHow comfortable was uncertain, with Stans accountancy skills failing to show in his scoring of the outward nine.  However, on review, a brace of 19 pointers for Nance and Turbo was enough for a 5-point team lead.\r\n\r\nThe sandwiches clearly help DJs balance, and he turns a poor 13 points on the outward 9 into a decent 17 point on the way in.  Stan, on the other hand, falls apart.  \r\n\r\nWith Nance and Turbo retuns steady 17 points each for the back 9, a satisfactrory team performance is confirmed, shared 10 points  each and £4 for the good guys.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1276,'2011-06-19','2011-06-19 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-19 18:37:23',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,38,22,126,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1275,1,1),
(1277,'2011-06-19','2011-06-19 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-19 18:37:23',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,22,124,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1275,1,1),
(1278,'2011-06-19','2011-06-19 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-19 18:37:23',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,22,124,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1275,1,1),
(1279,'2011-06-19','2011-06-19 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-19 18:37:23',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,22,124,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1275,1,1),
(1280,'2011-06-19','2011-06-19 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-19 18:37:23',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,22,124,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1275,1,1),
(1281,'2011-06-19','2011-06-19 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-19 19:31:20',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,22,124,4,8,'A regular 4-ball and decent weather for once.  Mr. Grumpy is absent, but would be delighted to hear that Nance has reverted to a carry-bag - the fun and games of his remote control trolley experience of the previous week are now confined to the history books. Nance chooses Turbo as his playing partner, leaving Stan and DJ to anticipate defeat from early on in the round.\r\n\r\nStan was demonstrating early desparation with a failed attempt at a de-duck at the 5th.  At the turn, Nance and Turbo has a comfortable lead.\r\nHow comfortable was uncertain, with Stand accountancy skills failing to show in his scoring of the outward nine.  However, on review, a brace of 19 pointers for Nance and Turbo was enough for a 5-point team lead.\r\n\r\nThe sandwiches clearly help DJs balance, and he turns a poor 13 points on the outward 9 into a decent 17 point on the way in.  Stan, on the other hand, falls apart.  \r\n\r\nWith Nance and Turbo retuns steady 17 points each for the back 9, a satisfactrory team performance is confirmed, shared 10 points  each and £4 for the good guys.',1,'','',200,1275,1,1),
(1282,'2011-06-26','2011-06-26 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-27 11:05:42',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,41,24,154,5,8,'It\'s a glorious day for watching your son play bowls so that\'s where Nance is. Tate is still nursing a dodgy knee and Stan\'s whereabouts are unknown so, once again it\'s a five ball. It can only be a matter of time before the PGA and PGA European Tours recognise this as the format of the future.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy decides that a partnership with Turbo and Mr. Grumpy is his best bet and what a wise decision this turns out to be as these two are the only players to trouble the computer. Phoenix-like Mr. Grumpy rises from the ashes of his previous game to spread eagle the field with a 41 point total that should have been at least three points more w/o a handicap protecting run of three-stabs on the last three holes.\r\n\r\nDJ spends most of the morning describing Mr. Grumpy as the \"luckiest golfer in the world\" without appreciating the skill required in chunking a wedge so that it lands on the road traversing the third fairway thus allowing it to bounce up and trickle onto the front of the green. However, it remains to be seen how much of a flash-in-the-pan this latest resurrection turns out to be.\r\n\r\nCamels-wise Cutie-Cutie comes up trumps with 19 and adds a spectacular barbecue interrupting drive down the 18th.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1283,'2011-06-26','2011-06-26 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-26 17:44:13',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,41,24,154,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1282,1,1),
(1284,'2011-06-26','2011-06-26 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-26 17:44:13',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,41,24,154,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1282,1,1),
(1285,'2011-06-26','2011-06-26 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-06-27 08:36:10',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,41,24,154,5,8,'It\'s a glorious day for watching your son play bowls so that\'s where Nance is. Tate is still nursing a dodgy knee and Stan\'s whereabouts are unknown so, once again it\'s a five ball. It can only be a matter of time before the PGA and PGA European Tours recognise this as the format of the future.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy decides that a partnership with Turbo and Mr. Grumpy is his best bet and what a wise decision this turns out to be as these two are the only players to trouble the computer. Phoenix-like Mr. Grumpy rises from the ashes of his previous game to spread eagle the field with a 41 point total that should have been at least three points more w/o a handicap protecting run of three-stabs on the last three holes.\r\n\r\nDJ spends most of the morning describing Mr. Grumpy as the \"luckiest golfer in the world\" without appreciating the skill required in chunking a wedge so that it lands on the road traversing the third fairway thus allowing it to bounce up and trickle onto the front of the green. However, it remains to be seen how much of a flash-in-the-pan this latest resurrection turns out to be.\r\n\r\nCamels-wise Cutie-Cutie comes up trumps with 19 and adds a spectacular bar-b-que interrupting drive down the 18th.',1,'','',200,1282,1,1),
(1286,'2011-07-10','2011-07-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-12 09:10:53',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,25,197,6,8,'This web site is so bloody slow it would probably be quicker if I visited all the Muffins personally to impart the match details. However......\r\n\r\nThere\'s a Mixed Open starting at 09:40 hours so the Match Secretary decrees a 07:45am tee time, but only DJ, Turbo and Mr. Grumpy are ready at the appointed hour so they depart. Cutie-Cutie has been up since 05:00am in order to overcome the rigor mortice in his back and joins Nance and Stan at about 08:00am.\r\n\r\nApart from the irritation of the Mixed Nonsense there\'s no sandwiches only free coffee, biscuits and bananas. This news is poorly received and members right across the course are heard to be grumbling. The \"Equality\" Discussion evening on Monday promises to be a lively affair.\r\n\r\nIn short, Turbo plays very well but Cutie-Cutie plays even better to help himself to the individual title and his team to £2. It\'s a good day on the fines front with a liberal sprinkling of camels, OOBs and ducks to swell the Annual Dinner funds.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1287,'2011-07-10','2011-07-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-10 11:54:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,39,25,193,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1286,1,1),
(1288,'2011-07-10','2011-07-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-10 11:54:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,25,196,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1286,1,1),
(1289,'2011-07-10','2011-07-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-10 11:54:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,25,196,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1286,1,1),
(1290,'2011-07-10','2011-07-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-10 11:54:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,25,197,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1286,1,1),
(1291,'2011-07-10','2011-07-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-10 11:54:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,25,197,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1286,1,1),
(1292,'2011-07-10','2011-07-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-10 11:54:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,25,197,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1286,1,1),
(1293,'2011-07-10','2011-07-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-10 11:54:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,25,197,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1286,1,1),
(1294,'2011-07-10','2011-07-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-10 11:54:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,25,197,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1286,1,1),
(1295,'2011-07-10','2011-07-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-10 11:54:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,25,197,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1286,1,1),
(1296,'2011-07-10','2011-07-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-10 11:54:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,25,197,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1286,1,1),
(1297,'2011-07-10','2011-07-10 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-10 11:54:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,25,197,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1286,1,1),
(1298,'2011-07-17','2011-07-17 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-18 13:45:15',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,24,87,3,8,'Loads of excuses this week including Nance\'s unexpected call up for the Scratch League team against Bloxwich GC - a bijou fixture if ever there was one. Fat-Boy\'s assessment is that selection for the Scratch League must thus be based, de facto, on playing like a twat in the Am-Am the previous day.\r\n\r\nSo, it\'s just a convivial three-ball that pits Fat-Boy against Turbo against Mr. Grumpy.\r\n\r\nThe weather is threatening, but in the event stays pretty dry and the course is in splendid knick. Mr. Grumpy decides to look at the ball only on every other shot so fails to trouble the scorer overly much, but Turbo and Fat-Boy play some steady stuff and whilst the scoring system applied to the card by Mr. Grumpy suggests that Fat-Boy wins by three points, the computer employs a more accurate assessment that actually has Turbo winning by one.\r\n\r\nBased on past history it\'s doubtful this victory will have any impact on Turbo\'s MONGU handicap which is ALWAYS 29.\r\n\r\nTurbo also attracts the camels fine to consolidate his lead on this most important of measures.\r\n\r\nNB. Pending Tate\'s resolution of his knee problem, I suggest he is absolved from further OWL fines. The precedent being Cutie-Cutie\'s back.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1299,'2011-07-17','2011-07-17 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-18 13:16:28',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,24,87,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1298,1,1),
(1300,'2011-07-17','2011-07-17 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-18 13:16:28',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,24,87,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1298,1,1),
(1301,'2011-07-17','2011-07-17 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-18 13:38:03',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,24,87,3,8,'Loads of excuses this week including Nance\'s unexpected call up for the Scratch League team against Bloxwich GC - a bijou fixture if ever there was one. Fat-Boy\'s assessment is that selection for the Scratch League must therefore be based, de facto, on playing like a twat in the Am-Am the previous day.\r\n\r\nSo, it\'s just a convivial three-ball that pits Fat-Boy against Turbo against Mr. Grumpy.\r\n\r\nThe weather is threatening, but in the event stays pretty dry and the course is in splendid knick. Mr. Grumpy decides to look at the ball only on every other shot so fails to trouble the scorer overly much, but Turbo and Fat-Boy play some steady stuff. Whilst the scoring system applied to the card by Mr. Grumpy suggests that Fat-Boy wins by three points, the computer employs a more accurate assessment that actually has Turbo winning by one.\r\n\r\nBased on past history it\'s doubtful this victory will have any impact on Turbo\'s MONGU handicap which is ALWAYS 29.\r\n\r\nTurbo also attracts the camels fine to consolidate his lead on this most important of measures.',1,'','',200,1298,1,1),
(1302,'2011-07-24','2011-07-24 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-25 08:28:25',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,27,197,6,8,'Tate\'s still fighting the Battle of Wounded Knee and Fat-Boy is God knows where, so it\'s a 6-Ball on a warm sunny morning. Nance has brought Ryan along to caddie and therfore he\'s instantly promoted to Deputy Tosser. He achieves an even 6-way split and then selects the least likely combination of balls to pair Mr. Grumpy with Turbo and Stan. It\'s a performance so reminiscent of the Fat-Boy that suspicions as to his parentage are only strengthened. \r\n\r\nWords such as \"chip\" and \"old block are being muttered.\r\n\r\nThe trio with a handicap total of nearly three figures head off and by half-way it\'s all over as a contest. Stan hits a purple patch to turn with 21 points ably supported by his compadres and although progress on the back nine falters occasionally, the £4 is never in doubt.\r\n\r\nAs a player-caddy partnership it\'s remarkable how far apart Nance and Ryan are all morning. This is because Nance consistently refuses to take Ryan\'s advice on club selection: advice which on every occasion turns out to be perfectly correct. Ryan is on 10% of Nance\'s winnings, it\'s thus unfortunate that 10% of f*** all is exactly f*** all.\r\n\r\nIndividually the computer decides that Stan and Mr. Grumpy share top spot with 36 points each. ',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1303,'2011-07-24','2011-07-24 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-25 08:07:27',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,27,199,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1302,1,1),
(1304,'2011-07-24','2011-07-24 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-25 08:07:27',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,27,197,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1302,1,1),
(1305,'2011-07-24','2011-07-24 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-07-25 08:07:27',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,27,197,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1302,1,1),
(1306,'2011-07-31','2011-07-31 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-01 07:23:58',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,41,25,161,5,8,'Firstly, you will have noticed that the professional golfers on the European Tour managed to get round Killarney Golf and Fishing Club within the 4 days allotted. This is because, unlike the Muffins, the didn\'t have to play behind three Japs, none of whom were capable of hitting the ball consistently over 30 yards and who stopped to take photographs of themselves on every tee.\r\n\r\nBut that\'s another story.\r\n\r\nThis week Nance and Fat-Boy are taking on the Captain and Pro and have decided to mark the occasion by turning up in fancy dress as Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee. \r\n\r\nDespite the bitter disappointment of the previous acquisition of a poofs electric trolley, Nance has decided to repeat the experiment. This time, however, he\'ll spend 4 hours in the company of the vendor so can complain personally when it all goes pear-shaped.\r\n\r\nSo, with Tate still hors de combat this results in the by now popular 5-ball in which Mr. Grumpy elects to play with Cutie-Cutie.\r\n\r\nBig mistake.\r\n\r\nEarly doors Stan and Turbo maintain their form of the previous week and DJ is having a good one such that they knock up 51 points on the first nine alone, manage six 4-pointers overall and dovetail perfectly. Despite this they seem to be in bunkers all the time and coming to the 5th and last, there are 33 at stake including six collected at the 4th. Mr. Grumpy has only had two bunkers up to this point, but has given up 5 holes previously with an attack of the shanks and so it\'s to no surprise that he collects them off the delighted DJ.\r\n\r\n(Mr. Grumpy\'s attempt to escape by looking in the holly bush while his ball lies partially hidden under the bunker rake is to little avail).\r\n\r\nIndividually DJ spread-eagles the field with a fine 41 and, as ever, the computer corrects Mr. Grumpy\'s maths to Cutie-Cutie\'s disadvantage. Your correspondent has yet to look at the handicap adjustments but it will be to no-one\'s surprise that if, despite a crushing victory, Stan and Turbo stay at 29 and 30 respectively.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1307,'2011-07-31','2011-07-31 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-01 06:47:41',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,39,25,159,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1306,1,1),
(1308,'2011-07-31','2011-07-31 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-01 06:47:41',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,41,25,161,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1306,1,1),
(1309,'2011-07-31','2011-07-31 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-01 06:47:41',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,41,25,161,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1306,1,1),
(1310,'2011-07-31','2011-07-31 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-01 06:47:41',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,41,25,161,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1306,1,1),
(1311,'2011-07-31','2011-07-31 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-01 07:18:11',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,41,25,161,5,8,'Firstly, you will have noticed that the professional golfers on the European Tour managed to get round Killarney Golf and Fishing Club within the 4 days allotted. This is because, unlike the Muffins, the didn\'t have to play behind three Japs, none of whom were capable of hitting the ball consistently over 30 yards and who stopped to take photographs of themselves on every tee.\r\n\r\nBut that\'s another story.\r\n\r\nThis week Nance and Fat-Boy are taking on the Captain and Pro and have decided to mark the occasion by turning up in fancy dress as Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee. \r\n\r\nDespite the bitter disappointment of the previous acquisition of a poofs electric trolley, Nance has decided to repeat the experiment. This time, however, he\'ll spend 4 hours in the company of the vendor so can complain personally when it all goes pear-shaped.\r\n\r\nSo, with Tate still hors de combat this results in the by now popular 5-ball in which Mr. Grumpy elects to play with Cutie-Cutie.\r\n\r\nBig mistake.\r\n\r\nEarly doors Stan and Turbo maintain their form of the previous week and DJ is having a good one such that they knock up 51 points on the first nine alone, manage six 4-pointers overall and dovetail perfectly. Despite this they seem to be in bunkers all the time and coming to the 5th and last, there are 33 at stake including six collected at the 4th. Mr. Grumpy, who has only had two bunkers up to this point has given up 5 holes previously with an attack of the shanks, and thus it\'s to no-one\'s surprise that he collects them off the delighted DJ.\r\n\r\n(Mr. Grumpy\'s attempt to escape by looking in the holly bush while his ball lies partially hidden under the bunker rake is to no avail).\r\n\r\nIndividually DJ spread-eagles the field with a fine 41 and, as ever, the computer corrects Mr. Grumpy\'s maths to Cutie-Cutie\'s disadvantage. Your correspondent has yet to look at the handicap adjustments but it will be to no-one\'s surprise that if, despite a crushing victory, Stan and Turbo stay at 29 and 30 respectively.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1306,1,1),
(1312,'2011-07-31','2011-07-31 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-01 07:18:11',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,41,25,161,5,8,'Firstly, you will have noticed that the professional golfers on the European Tour managed to get round Killarney Golf and Fishing Club within the 4 days allotted. This is because, unlike the Muffins, the didn\'t have to play behind three Japs, none of whom were capable of hitting the ball consistently over 30 yards and who stopped to take photographs of themselves on every tee.\r\n\r\nBut that\'s another story.\r\n\r\nThis week Nance and Fat-Boy are taking on the Captain and Pro and have decided to mark the occasion by turning up in fancy dress as Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee. \r\n\r\nDespite the bitter disappointment of the previous acquisition of a poofs electric trolley, Nance has decided to repeat the experiment. This time, however, he\'ll spend 4 hours in the company of the vendor so can complain personally when it all goes pear-shaped.\r\n\r\nSo, with Tate still hors de combat this results in the by now popular 5-ball in which Mr. Grumpy elects to play with Cutie-Cutie.\r\n\r\nBig mistake.\r\n\r\nEarly doors Stan and Turbo maintain their form of the previous week and DJ is having a good one such that they knock up 51 points on the first nine alone, manage six 4-pointers overall and dovetail perfectly. Despite this they seem to be in bunkers all the time and coming to the 5th and last, there are 33 at stake including six collected at the 4th. Mr. Grumpy, who has only had two bunkers up to this point has given up 5 holes previously with an attack of the shanks, and thus it\'s to no-one\'s surprise that he collects them off the delighted DJ.\r\n\r\n(Mr. Grumpy\'s attempt to escape by looking in the holly bush while his ball lies partially hidden under the bunker rake is to no avail).\r\n\r\nIndividually DJ spread-eagles the field with a fine 41 and, as ever, the computer corrects Mr. Grumpy\'s maths to Cutie-Cutie\'s disadvantage. Your correspondent has yet to look at the handicap adjustments but it will be to no-one\'s surprise that if, despite a crushing victory, Stan and Turbo stay at 29 and 30 respectively.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1306,1,1),
(1313,'2011-07-31','2011-07-31 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-01 07:19:26',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,41,25,161,5,8,'Firstly, you will have noticed that the professional golfers on the European Tour managed to get round Killarney Golf and Fishing Club within the 4 days allotted. This is because, unlike the Muffins, the didn\'t have to play behind three Japs, none of whom were capable of hitting the ball consistently over 30 yards and who stopped to take photographs of themselves on every tee.\r\n\r\nBut that\'s another story.\r\n\r\nThis week Nance and Fat-Boy are taking on the Captain and Pro and have decided to mark the occasion by turning up in fancy dress as Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee. \r\n\r\nDespite the bitter disappointment of the previous acquisition of a poofs electric trolley, Nance has decided to repeat the experiment. This time, however, he\'ll spend 4 hours in the company of the vendor so can complain personally when it all goes pear-shaped.\r\n\r\nSo, with Tate still hors de combat this results in the by now popular 5-ball in which Mr. Grumpy elects to play with Cutie-Cutie.\r\n\r\nBig mistake.\r\n\r\nEarly doors Stan and Turbo maintain their form of the previous week and DJ is having a good one such that they knock up 51 points on the first nine alone, manage six 4-pointers overall and dovetail perfectly. Despite this they seem to be in bunkers all the time and coming to the 5th and last, there are 33 at stake including six collected at the 4th. Mr. Grumpy, who has only had two bunkers up to this point has given up 5 holes previously with an attack of the shanks, and thus it\'s to no-one\'s surprise that he collects them off the delighted DJ.\r\n\r\n(Mr. Grumpy\'s attempt to escape by looking in the holly bush while his ball lies partially hidden under the bunker rake is to no avail).\r\n\r\nIndividually DJ spread-eagles the field with a fine 41 and, as ever, the computer corrects Mr. Grumpy\'s maths to Cutie-Cutie\'s disadvantage. Your correspondent has yet to look at the handicap adjustments but it will be to no-one\'s surprise that if, despite a crushing victory, Stan and Turbo stay at 29 and 30 respectively.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1306,1,1),
(1314,'2011-08-07','2011-08-07 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-08 13:43:59',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,24,211,7,8,'A rare 7-ball this week and the toss is as farcical as ever with Fat-Boy kicking the balls around until he settles on the two least likely combinations. He chooses Stan and Mr. Grumpy, but as none of this trio are exhibiting any recent form a narrow loss is the best that can be hoped for. And so it proves. \r\n\r\nThere\'s few incidents on which to report although Stan spends a little too much time in proximity to the out-of-bounds and the water and Mr. Grumpy too much time in the bunkers  - which for the second week running costs him dearly.\r\n\r\nIndividually the man with the adjustable white stick tops the pile, but in doing so has a number of mood swings. The highs of back-to-back birdies on the 12th and 13th being tempered by blobs on the 3rd and 7th.\r\n\r\nFinally, if it\'s true that at the point of death your life flashes before your eyes, then Mr. Grumpy\'s AV synopsis will be pretty dull because unacceptably large chunks of time will have been spent sitting at his PC waiting for this bloody website to respond.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1315,'2011-08-07','2011-08-07 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-08 12:17:17',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,24,211,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1314,1,1),
(1316,'2011-08-07','2011-08-07 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-08 12:17:17',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,24,211,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1314,1,1),
(1317,'2011-08-07','2011-08-07 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-08 12:17:17',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,24,211,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1314,1,1),
(1318,'2011-08-07','2011-08-07 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-08 13:35:51',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,24,211,7,8,'A rare 7-ball this week and the toss is as farcical as ever with Fat-Boy kicking the balls around until he settles on the two least likely combinations. He chooses Stan and Mr. Grumpy, but as none of this trio are exhibiting any recent form a narrow loss is the best that can be hoped for. And so it proves. \r\n\r\nThere\'s few incidents on which to report although Stan spends a little too much time in proximity to the out-of-bounds and the water and Mr. Grumpy too much time in the bunkers  - which for the second week running costs him dearly.\r\n\r\nIndividually the man with the adjustable white stick tops the pile, but in doing so has a number of mood swings. The highs of back-to-back birdies on the 12th and 13th being tempered by blobs on the 3rd and 7th.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1314,1,1),
(1319,'2011-08-07','2011-08-07 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-08 13:36:45',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,24,211,7,8,'A rare 7-ball this week and the toss is as farcical as ever with Fat-Boy kicking the balls around until he settles on the two least likely combinations. He chooses Stan and Mr. Grumpy, but as none of this trio are exhibiting any recent form a narrow loss is the best that can be hoped for. And so it proves. \r\n\r\nThere\'s few incidents on which to report although Stan spends a little too much time in proximity to the out-of-bounds and the water and Mr. Grumpy too much time in the bunkers  - which for the second week running costs him dearly.\r\n\r\nIndividually the man with the adjustable white stick tops the pile, but in doing so has a number of mood swings. The highs of back-to-back birdies on the 12th and 13th being tempered by blobs on the 3rd and 7th.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1314,1,1),
(1320,'2011-08-14','2011-08-14 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-15 09:04:26',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,39,23,192,6,8,'While some people will have been watching the US PGA at the Atlanta Golf and Country Club, the golfing cognoscenti will have been more interested in the Home Internationals at Rosses Point (County Sligo) to see whether the assorted talent could match the performance of the Muffins. Naturally this was not the case in as much as those selected played far fewer shots and visited much less of the course thus extracting much poorer value from their green fees.\r\n\r\nCloser to home for once Fat-Boy conducts a non-controversial toss and partners Stan and DJ with Turbo, Nance and Mr. Grumpy leading out. \r\n\r\nIt is a game of two halves. \r\n\r\nThrough knitting together perfectly Nance, Turbo and Mr. G establish a comfortable half way lead at which point Fat-Boy decides that they will have count all three scores on the back nine in order to claim the match and £2. This is the only plausible explanation for a homeward 47 points.\r\n\r\nDJ takes top individual honours with 39 and Nance cements his position as an emergent force in the bunker stakes.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1321,'2011-08-14','2011-08-14 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-14 13:13:53',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,39,23,192,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1320,1,1),
(1322,'2011-08-14','2011-08-14 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-14 13:13:53',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,39,23,192,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1320,1,1),
(1323,'2011-08-21','2011-08-21 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-22 11:15:09',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,42,27,141,4,8,'Just a four ball today, but a significant moment as Tate returns from his lengthy self-imposed exile to blow the field away.  Nance remarks, somewhat uncharitably, that perhaps it would be best if Tate continues with a 3 month break between games.\r\n\r\nThe toss pairs Tate with Mr. Grumpy who, because of his busy social life, is unsure whether he can complete 18 holes before his luncheon appointment calls him away. In the event he makes his excuses and departs with two holes to go, but by that time the match is all over as a contest. \r\n\r\nThere\'s an old saying about \"driving for show and putting for dough\", but as neither Nance or DJ can putt for toffee this is a bit irrelevant. So, Nance scores 38 individual points, but comes nowhere and because of his early departure Mr. Grumpy is penalised with a shed load of camels few of which were his responsibility.\r\n\r\nIt\'s a disgrace. ',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1324,'2011-08-21','2011-08-21 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-21 12:43:16',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,42,27,141,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1323,1,1),
(1325,'2011-08-21','2011-08-21 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-21 12:43:16',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,42,27,141,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1323,1,1),
(1326,'2011-08-21','2011-08-21 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-22 11:12:33',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,42,27,141,4,8,'Just a four ball today, but a significant moment as Tate returns from his lengthy self-imposed exile to blow the field away.  Nance remarks, somewhat uncharitably, that perhaps it would be best if Tate continues a 3 month break between games.\r\n\r\nThe toss pairs Tate with Mr. Grumpy who, because of his busy social life, is unsure whether he can complete 18 holes before his luncheon appointment calls him away. In the event he makes his excuses and departs with two holes to go, but by that time the match is all over as a contest. \r\n\r\nThere\'s an old saying about \"driving for show and putting for dough\", but as neither Nance or DJ can putt for toffee this is a bit irrelevant. So, Nance scores 38 individual points, but comes nowhere and because of his early departure Mr. Grumpy is penalised with a shed load of camels few of which were his responsibility.\r\n\r\nIt\'s a disgrace. ',1,'','',200,1323,1,1),
(1327,'2011-08-28','2011-08-28 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-29 09:03:50',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,38,21,219,7,8,'The normal golfer\'s checklist would read ...\"clubs, balls, tees, glove\".... but Fat Boy\'s starts... \"wet wipes\"... but more of that in a moment.\r\n\r\nIt\'s a seven-ball, only the absence of Cutie-Cutie preventing the first full house of the summer and Fat-Boy picks DJ and Mr. Grumpy as his pals for the day. This proves to be an unwise choice as a moderate set of scores is insufficient to keep the combined might of Nance and Stan at bay. Fresh from his stellar performance on his return from exile, Tate slips back into his old ways and cops for a couple of OOBs among other transgressions. In fact the winning four-ball are awash with OOBs and plenty of camels such that Mr. Grumpy returns to Station Road with swag a-plenty.\r\n\r\nNow Wikipedia will tell you that it takes about 48 hours for food to pass through the average digestive tract. Not so when Fat-Boy\'s had a curry. This seems to elbow it\'s way through with all the urgency of Jenson Button on steroids and Fat-boy is predicting the consequences as early as the third hole. However, he makes it to the sandwiches and obtains welcome relief in trap 2.\r\n\r\nIt is thus with some surprise that DJ and Mr. Grumpy see him rush off deep into the forest immediately after his drive on the 12th. There he seeks out his favorite midden and adds to the pile that is now so large that the Ordnance Survey must be taking an interest - although God knows what the map symbol will be.\r\n\r\nAnyway, Nance takes the individual honours to set himself up for the Olton Cup and Bowl (or should that be Bowel) and DJ is offering a game at 3pm on Thursday afternoon for those who are interested. \r\n\r\nFinally, I note that there is a Junior member called Yousuf Ali. Didn\'t he used to be Cat Stevens?',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1328,'2011-08-28','2011-08-28 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-29 08:46:23',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1327,1,1),
(1329,'2011-08-28','2011-08-28 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-29 09:03:50',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,38,21,218,7,8,'The normal golfer\'s checklist would read ...\"clubs, balls, tees, glove\".... but Fat Boy\'s starts... \"wet wipes\"... but more of that in a moment.\r\n\r\nIt\'s a seven-ball, only the absence of Cutie-Cutie preventing the first full house of the summer and Fat-Boy picks DJ and Mr. Grumpy as his pals for the day. This proves to be an unwise choice as a moderate set of scores is insufficient to keep the combined might of Nance and Stan at bay. Fresh from his stellar performance on his return from exile, Tate slips back into his old ways and cops for a couple of OOBs among other transgressions. In fact the winning four-ball are awash with OOBs and plenty of camels such that Mr. Grumpy returns to Station Road with swag a-plenty.\r\n\r\nNow Wikipedia will tell you that it takes about 48 hours for food to pass through the average digestive tract. Not so when Fat-Boy\'s had a curry. This seems to elbow it\'s way through with all the urgency of Jenson Button on steroids and Fat-boy is predicting the consequences as early as the third hole. However, he makes it to the sandwiches and obtains welcome relief in trap 2.\r\n\r\nIt is thus with some surprise that DJ and Mr. Grumpy see him rush off deep into the forest immediately after his drive on the 12th. There he seeks out his favorite midden and adds to the pile that is now so large that the Ordnance Survey must be taking an interest - although God knows what the map symbol will be.\r\n\r\nAnyway, Nance takes the individual honours to set himself up for the Olton Cup and Bowl (or should that be Bowel) and DJ is offering a game at 3pm on Thursday afternoon for those who are interested. \r\n\r\nFinally, I note that there is a Junior member called Yousuf Ali. Didn\'t he used to be Cat Stevens?',1,'','',200,1327,1,1),
(1330,'2011-08-28','2011-08-28 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-08-29 09:03:50',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,38,21,219,7,8,'The normal golfer\'s checklist would read ...\"clubs, balls, tees, glove\".... but Fat Boy\'s starts... \"wet wipes\"... but more of that in a moment.\r\n\r\nIt\'s a seven-ball, only the absence of Cutie-Cutie preventing the first full house of the summer and Fat-Boy picks DJ and Mr. Grumpy as his pals for the day. This proves to be an unwise choice as a moderate set of scores is insufficient to keep the combined might of Nance and Stan at bay. Fresh from his stellar performance on his return from exile, Tate slips back into his old ways and cops for a couple of OOBs among other transgressions. In fact the winning four-ball are awash with OOBs and plenty of camels such that Mr. Grumpy returns to Station Road with swag a-plenty.\r\n\r\nNow Wikipedia will tell you that it takes about 48 hours for food to pass through the average digestive tract. Not so when Fat-Boy\'s had a curry. This seems to elbow it\'s way through with all the urgency of Jenson Button on steroids and Fat-boy is predicting the consequences as early as the third hole. However, he makes it to the sandwiches and obtains welcome relief in trap 2.\r\n\r\nIt is thus with some surprise that DJ and Mr. Grumpy see him rush off deep into the forest immediately after his drive on the 12th. There he seeks out his favorite midden and adds to the pile that is now so large that the Ordnance Survey must be taking an interest - although God knows what the map symbol will be.\r\n\r\nAnyway, Nance takes the individual honours to set himself up for the Olton Cup and Bowl (or should that be Bowel) and DJ is offering a game at 3pm on Thursday afternoon for those who are interested. \r\n\r\nFinally, I note that there is a Junior member called Yousuf Ali. Didn\'t he used to be Cat Stevens?',1,'','',200,1327,1,1),
(1331,'2011-09-04','2011-09-04 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-09-05 10:08:48',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,25,156,5,8,'Turbo\'s away on a romantic weekend and DJ and Tate are just away, so it\'s an unpopular 5-ball, but the weather is inclement and the course is deserted so a 1st tee start is possible. (There\'s a report that DJ\'s weekend is being marred by swollen ankles which is a symptom of the menopause apparently).\r\n\r\nAnyway Fat-Boy conducts the toss and is closely supervised by Stan such that they end up as partners. It\'s a non-controversial morning and a clear victory by Nance, Mr. Grumpy and Cutie-Cutie  - who also takes individual top spot.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy has stomach problems that necessitated a withdrawal from the previous day\'s medal. This, allied to Fat-Boy\'s 4am drinking session and recent form draws a small crowd to the woods adjacent to the 12th tee in anticipation of a possible double-header. In the event some successful buttock clenching gets them through without incident.\r\n\r\nThere\'s 16 camels at stake come the 18th. Mr. Grumpy is holding, but gets safely on in three. Fat-Boy hits a good drive and a solid lay-up to the light rough on the left, but then pulls a wedge into an unplayable lie in the left front pot-bunker and takes two to escape to general mirth.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1332,'2011-09-04','2011-09-04 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-09-05 09:48:19',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,25,154,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1331,1,1),
(1333,'2011-09-04','2011-09-04 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-09-05 09:48:19',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,25,156,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1331,1,1),
(1334,'2011-09-04','2011-09-04 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-09-05 09:48:19',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,25,156,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1331,1,1),
(1335,'2011-09-11','2011-09-11 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-09-11 12:06:12',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,28,26,82,3,8,'The wind was blowing across OGC, and for once it couldn\'t be blamed on Fat-Boy\'s love for Keema Peas Madras.  The dying embers of Hurricane Katia cause havoc with the scoring with no-one reaching 30, the handicap adjustments are likely to be severe.\r\n\r\nOnly a 4-ball today, and with Fat-Boy planning only 9 holes, the ball-toss looked like a bit of an academic exercise - however Fat-Boy decides to play with Stan once again, leaving Turbo to carry Nance around.  \r\n\r\nAfter 9 holes, the scores are level, and with Fat-Boy needing to go to airport, the team match is deemed null and void.  The focus on the back 9 now returns to individual scores, and how many camels can be accumulated for Fat-Boy to pick up.  \r\n\r\nIn the end, Stan and Turbo share the spoils with Nance a close 2nd (or 3rd, or last depending on which way you look at it).  Thanks mainly to Turbos contributions, Fat-Boy picks up 14 camels is absentia, and Stand add two little ducks.\r\n\r\nThe big news of the weekend, apparently, is that Mr. Grumpy has finally managed to finish the 6th at Cruden Bay - something he has failed to do on umpteen occasions.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1336,'2011-09-11','2011-09-11 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-09-11 11:47:47',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,28,26,82,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1335,1,1),
(1337,'2011-09-11','2011-09-11 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-09-11 11:47:47',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,28,26,82,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1335,1,1),
(1338,'2011-09-18','2011-09-18 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-09-19 17:06:09',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,27,125,4,8,'A traditional, albeit rare, fourball for the day after the Medal Final.  A Medal Final in which both Nance and Fat-Boy secured a strategic 0.2 increase in their respective CONGU handicaps, but little else by way of good news.\r\n\r\nThe fourball pitted Nance and Cutie-Cutie against Stan and Turbo.   With Nance and Cutie-Cutie giving away 43 shots to Stan and Turbo, they were looking forward to handing out £4 from early on in the match.    However, another stellar performance from Cutie-Cutie upset the bookies, and the low(er) handicappers romp home with points to spare.    A team effort, by all accounts.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie takes individual honours (and the camels to boot) to close the gap on Nance at the top of the table.\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1339,'2011-09-18','2011-09-18 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-09-18 11:33:41',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,27,125,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1338,1,1),
(1340,'2011-09-18','2011-09-18 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-09-18 11:33:41',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,27,125,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1338,1,1),
(1341,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 08:00:00',22,190,210,210,'','2011-09-22 19:42:25',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,36,64,40,478,9,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,1,1),
(1342,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 08:00:00',22,189,207,207,'','2011-09-22 19:25:34',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,38,66,42,496,9,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1341,1,1),
(1343,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 08:00:00',22,189,207,207,'','2011-09-22 19:25:34',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,38,66,42,496,9,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1341,1,1),
(1344,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 08:00:00',22,190,211,211,'','2011-09-22 19:41:24',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,38,64,40,478,9,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1341,1,1),
(1345,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 08:00:00',22,190,211,211,'','2011-09-22 19:41:24',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,38,64,40,478,9,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1341,1,1),
(1346,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 08:00:00',22,190,210,210,'','2011-09-22 19:42:25',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,36,64,40,478,9,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1341,1,1),
(1347,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 08:00:00',22,190,210,210,'','2011-09-22 19:42:25',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,36,64,40,478,9,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1341,1,1),
(1348,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 08:00:00',22,190,211,211,'','2011-09-23 11:54:43',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,40,25,286,9,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,1,1),
(1349,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 08:00:00',22,190,211,211,'','2011-09-23 11:54:43',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,38,64,25,373,9,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1348,1,1),
(1350,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 08:00:00',22,190,211,211,'','2011-09-23 11:54:43',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,38,64,25,373,9,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1348,1,1),
(1351,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 08:00:00',22,190,211,211,'','2011-09-23 11:54:43',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,40,25,286,9,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1348,1,1),
(1352,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 09:00:00',22,190,211,211,'','2011-09-24 07:23:11',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,40,25,319,10,9,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1353,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 09:00:00',22,190,211,211,'','2011-09-24 07:23:11',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,23,309,10,9,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1352,1,1),
(1354,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 09:00:00',22,190,211,211,'','2011-09-24 07:23:11',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,40,25,319,10,9,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1352,1,1),
(1355,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 14:00:00',22,190,211,211,'','2011-09-24 07:33:36',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,37,14,259,9,14,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1356,'2011-09-23','2011-09-23 14:00:00',22,190,211,211,'','2011-09-24 07:33:36',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,37,14,259,9,14,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1355,1,1),
(1357,'2011-09-25','2011-09-25 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-09-26 10:32:45',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,33,103,3,8,'A variety of injuries and weak excuses result in just Nance, Turbo and Mr. Grumpy turning up this week for a convivial 3-ball. Convivial that is until the last 3 holes when after a good morning Mr. Grumpy rediscovers his shank, finishes 8, 8, 8, turns a potential victory into a shambles and disappears into a blue funk.\r\n\r\nTurbo and Nance play some steady stuff and the morning\'s enjoyment is much enhanced by the latest developments in the saga that is Nance\'s Motocaddy. \r\n\r\nIt\'s raining lightly and the wet leaves dictate intermediate tyres, but it\'s only the sturdy rhododendrons that arrest the trolley when Nance leaves it switched on and it careers into the undergrowth at the back of the 5th green.\r\n\r\nThen, whilst ascending the slope at the 6th, Nance loses control again and turns the entire thing upside down. Thus, it\'s to no one\'s surprise that the electrics start playing up on the 8th. Nance uses the sandwich break to summon the assistant pro to the half-way house but, just like when you go to the doctor and your complaint cures itself in the waiting room, when the lad appears, the trolley seems to be working perfectly. After some inspection of the undercarriage a warning light is detected and the thing is carted unceremoniously away. Fortunately, in anticipation of such an occurrence, Nance has his carry-bag.\r\n\r\nSo, a morning short on numbers but full of incident. Turbo wins £4 from Mr. G but only has it in his hand for 2 seconds before it is snatched away to cover 8 camels and two ducks.\r\n\r\nThose who played at Handsworth are also reminded they owe Fat-Boy £5 for his overall win.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1358,'2011-09-25','2011-09-25 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-09-26 10:07:38',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,33,103,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1357,1,1),
(1359,'2011-09-25','2011-09-25 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-09-26 10:07:38',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,33,103,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1357,1,1),
(1360,'2011-10-02','2011-10-02 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-03 09:59:22',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,39,25,252,8,8,'A rare full house for the first Sunday in October when the Indian summer dictates shorts and a liberal smearing of insect repellent for the Fat-Boy. However, this week it\'s all about Tate as he spreadeagles the field with 39 points and dominates the headlines.\r\n\r\nAfter a steady start his round ignites on the 6th tee. As Tate addresses the ball Mr. Grumpy is standing directly behind him and thus considers himself fairly safe. Not so. Somehow Tate contrives to hit the ball off the heel and into the turf such that it travels past Mr. Grumpy\'s ear, cannons off a tree and finishes on the path at the foot of the steps, not even 50% towards the ladies tee.\r\n\r\nA drop is taken and now Fat-Boy and DJ are hunkered down behind trees, while Mr. Grumpy hunkers down behind DJ. There\'s a smack, followed by more tree contact and no-one has any idea where the ball is. It\'s found in the middle of the fairway from where Tate hits a rescue to the front right edge and then chips in for a routine 4 nett 2 garnering 4 points. At which point we might all have gone home.\r\n\r\nBut that\'s not the end of it. On the 10th his second shot whistles out of bounds into a fish pond but his fourth finds the fringe of the green from where the putt is holed for a 5 nett 3. I could go on but won\'t. At least he has the decency to collect the camels.\r\n\r\nOn the electric buggy front it\'s another fun-packed morning. DJ selects a bridge over the stream as the ideal place to jettison his clubs from their moorings and Nance\'s buggy is seen to be running away from him on at least two occasions.\r\n\r\nFinally Turbo has a game of two halves and Cutie-Cutie a game of no halves at all.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1361,'2011-10-02','2011-10-02 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-02 17:23:27',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,39,25,254,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1360,1,1),
(1362,'2011-10-02','2011-10-02 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-02 17:23:27',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,39,25,252,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1360,1,1),
(1363,'2011-10-02','2011-10-02 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-02 17:23:27',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,39,25,252,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1360,1,1),
(1364,'2011-10-02','2011-10-02 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-03 09:46:24',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,39,25,252,8,8,'A rare full house for the first Sunday in October when the Indian summer dictates shorts and a liberal smearing of insect repellent for the Fat-Boy. However, this week it\'s all about Tate as he spreadeagles the field with 30 points and dominates the headlines.\r\n\r\nAfter a steady start his round ignites on the 6th tee. As Tate addresses the ball Mr. Grumpy is standing directly behind him and thus considers himself fairly safe. Not so. Somehow Tate contrives to hit the ball off the heel and into the turf such that it travels past Mr. Grumpy\'s ear, cannons off a tree and finishes on the path at the foot of the steps, not even 50% towards the ladies tee.\r\n\r\nA drop is taken and now Fat-Boy and DJ are hunkered down behind trees, while Mr. Grumpy hunkers down behind DJ. There\'s a smack, followed by more tree contact and no-one has any idea where the ball is. It\'s found in the middle of the fairway from where Tate hits a rescue to the front right edge and then chips in for a routine 4 nett 2 garnering 4 points. At which point we might all have gone home.\r\n\r\nBut that\'s not the end of it. On the 10th his second shot whistles out of bounds into a fish pond but his fourth finds the fringe of the green from where the putt is holed for ',1,'','',200,1360,1,1),
(1365,'2011-10-02','2011-10-02 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-03 09:52:04',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,39,25,252,8,8,'A rare full house for the first Sunday in October when the Indian summer dictates shorts and a liberal smearing of insect repellent for the Fat-Boy. However, this week it\'s all about Tate as he spreadeagles the field with 30 points and dominates the headlines.\r\n\r\nAfter a steady start his round ignites on the 6th tee. As Tate addresses the ball Mr. Grumpy is standing directly behind him and thus considers himself fairly safe. Not so. Somehow Tate contrives to hit the ball off the heel and into the turf such that it travels past Mr. Grumpy\'s ear, cannons off a tree and finishes on the path at the foot of the steps, not even 50% towards the ladies tee.\r\n\r\nA drop is taken and now Fat-Boy and DJ are hunkered down behind trees, while Mr. Grumpy hunkers down behind DJ. There\'s a smack, followed by more tree contact and no-one has any idea where the ball is. It\'s found in the middle of the fairway from where Tate hits a rescue to the front right edge and then chips in for a routine 4 nett 2 garnering 4 points. At which point we might all have gone home.\r\n\r\nBut that\'s not the end of it. On the 10th his second shot whistles out of bounds into a fish pond but his fourth finds the fringe of the green from where the putt is holed for a 5 nett 3. I could go on but won\'t. At least he has the decency to collect the camels.\r\n\r\nOn the electric buggy front it\'s another fun-packed morning. DJ selects a bridge over the stream as the ideal place to jettison his clubs from their moorings and Nance\'s buggy is seen to be running away from him on at least two occasions.\r\n\r\nFinally Turbo has a game of two halves and Cutie-Cutie a game of no halves at all.',1,'','',200,1360,1,1),
(1366,'2011-10-09','2011-10-09 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-12 07:34:52',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,37,22,145,5,8,'Keeping the score for a five-ball, four members of which have two shots on any number of differing holes when your own game is as fragile as Mr. Grumpy\'s, is akin to doing complex algebra whilst riding a unicycle. Thus it\'s to no one\'s surprise when the result as discussed in the bar is open to correction by the computer. By way of proof, the match that was thought to be a draw actually turns out to be a comfortable two-point victory.\r\n\r\nThe other problem is spending 4 hours in the company of a triumphalist Welshman, particularly when your own team have proved to be so inept. Naturally after one\'s own country has been eliminated, one\'s support needs to transfer to another Northern hemisphere team. Whether that should be Celtic or Gallic is yet to be decided.\r\n\r\nAnyway, the toss pairs DJ with Stan\'s yellow cherry leaving Tate to team up with Turbo and Mr. G. \r\n\r\nFollowing last week\'s stellar performance, Tate thrills the crowd with some wayward shots of colossal proportions the best of which threatens a house on Dovehouse Lane and draws a shout of OH F**K!....    FORE!!!!! much to the amusement of the 4 ball playing the 9th.\r\n\r\nTurbo has a good day and despite collecting the camels, takes the ten points with a useful 37. Although they don\'t know it at the time, the three ball win the match. It\'s also a great day for the Annual Dinner Fund with OOBs, ducks and camels a-plenty.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1367,'2011-10-09','2011-10-09 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-09 12:30:37',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,37,22,145,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1366,1,1),
(1368,'2011-10-09','2011-10-09 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-09 12:30:37',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,37,22,145,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1366,1,1),
(1369,'2011-10-09','2011-10-09 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-10 09:11:58',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,37,22,145,5,8,'Keeping the score for a five-ball, four members of which have two shots on any number of differing holes when your own game is as fragile as Mr. Grumpy\'s, is akin to doing complex algebra whilst riding a unicycle. Thus it\'s to no one\'s surprise when the result as discussed in the bar is open to correction by the computer. By way of proof, the match that was thought to be a draw actually turns out to be a comfortable two-point victory.\r\n\r\nThe other problem is spending 4 hours in the company of a triumphalist Welshman, particularly when your own team have proved to be so inept. Naturally after one\'s own country has been eliminated, one\'s support needs to transfer to another Northern hemisphere team. Whether that should be Celtic or Gallic is yet to be decided.\r\n\r\nAnyway, the toss pairs DJ with Stan\'s yellow cherry leaving Tate to team up with Turbo and Mr. G. \r\n\r\nFollowing last week\'s stellar performance, Tate thrills the crowd with some wayward shots of colossal proportions the best of which threatens a house on Dovehouse Lane and draws a shout of OH FUCK!....    FORE!!!!! much to the amusement of the 4 ball playing the 9th.\r\n\r\nTurbo has a good day and despite collecting the camels, takes the ten points with a useful 37. Although they don\'t know it at the time, the three ball win the match. It\'s also a great day for the Annual Dinner Fund with OOBs, ducks and camels a-plenty.',1,'','',200,1366,1,1),
(1370,'2011-10-16','2011-10-16 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-17 09:41:19',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,37,30,201,6,8,'Controversy always seems to stalk Muffins matches in the vicinity of the 12th tee and this week is no exception. Normally this involves Fat-Boy\'s rectum but in a break with tradition, this week it\'s Mr. Grumpy\'s backside that\'s the focus of attention.\r\n\r\nHowever, two hours previously Fat-Boy has conducted the usual terpsichory and selected Turbo and Mr. Grumpy to play with. At the sandwiches the initial comparison of scores suggests it\'s all square; all square that is until Cutie-Cutie intervenes to award himself two extra points putting himself, Nance and DJ into the lead.\r\n\r\nNow followers of Tiger Woods will be familiar with the shot he calls the \"stinger\". It\'s usually played off the back foot with a hooded two iron, but DJ has developed his own version that involves a rescue club and Mr. Grumpy\'s left arse cheek.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy is standing innocently on the 12th tee when Nance\'s shriek of \"FORE\" suggests that all may not be well. DJ\'s exocet takes one bounce before striking Mr. Grumpy squarely on the left buttock to general amusement all round. This after Mr. Grumpy and Fat-Boy had already shattered the composure of the preceding flight by putting 4 succesive balls into the woods behind them. \r\n\r\nWhile at least one of Mr. Grumpy\'s daughters has a butterfly tattooed on their bum, he now has a mirror image of the word \"Titleist\" set off by a green shamrock.\r\n\r\nThat aside it\'s another good day-bad day for Turbo with his joy at sharing equal top spot with DJ being tempered by the camels, two ducks and an OOB.\r\n\r\nFinally, Muffins are reminded that the Annual Dinner will be at Copt Heath GC on Friday 25th November preceeded by G&Ts at Mr. Grumpy\'s. No excuses are acceptable. The cost will be fully covered by the fines kitty as will be the beers, house claret and port.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1371,'2011-10-16','2011-10-16 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-16 14:51:47',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,37,30,201,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1370,1,1),
(1372,'2011-10-16','2011-10-16 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-16 14:51:47',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,37,30,201,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1370,1,1),
(1373,'2011-10-16','2011-10-16 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-17 09:33:00',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,37,30,201,6,8,'Controversy always seems to stalk Muffins matches in the vicinity of the 12th tee and this week is no exception. Normally this involves Fat-Boy\'s rectum but in a break with tradition, this week it\'s Mr. Grumpy\'s backside that\'s the focus of attention.\r\n\r\nHowever, two hours previously Fat-Boy has conducted the usual terpsichory and selected Turbo and Mr. Grumpy to play with. At the sandwiches the initial comparison of scores suggests it\'s all square; all square that is until Cutie-Cutie intervenes to award himself two extra points putting himself, Nance and DJ into the lead.\r\n\r\nNow followers of Tiger Woods will be familiar with the shot he calls the \"stinger\". It\'s usually played off the back foot with a hooded two iron, but DJ has developed his own version that involves a rescue club and Mr. Grumpy\'s left arse cheek.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy is standing innocently on the 12th tee when Nance\'s shriek of \"FORE\" suggests that all may not be well. DJ\'s exocet takes one bounce before striking Mr. Grumpy squarely on the left buttock to general amusement all round. This after Mr. Grumpy and Fat-Boy had already shattered the composure of the preceding flight by putting 4 succesive balls into the woods behind them. \r\n\r\nWhile at least one of Mr. Grumpy\'s daughters has a butterfly tattooed on their bum, he now has a mirror image of the word \"Titleist\" set off by a green shamrock.\r\n\r\nThat aside it\'s another good day-bad day for Turbo with his equal top spot with DJ being tempered by the camels, two ducks and an OOB.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,1370,1,1),
(1374,'2011-10-23','2011-10-23 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-24 21:45:14',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,35,27,252,8,8,'A strange week as a maiden appearance by Bainey combined with two guest players, one of whom turns up late PLUS Mr. Grumpy\'s need to depart early for lunch causes much confusion. The result is a four ball and two three balls the Muffin members of which are then reconstituted as a post round four ball. There are starts from the 1st, 3rd and 6th tees such that no-one speaks to each other all morning. (All clear so far?).\r\n\r\nAnyway, the four ball made up of DJ, Turbo, Stan and Mr. Grumpy contrive to play moderately well on the front nine, but serve up a piss-poor performance coming home to lose both nines and the match to the composite 4-ball of Tate , Nance, Fat-Boy and Bainey - I think. \r\n\r\nHowever, it should be noted that the computer thinks that 43 plus 40 equals 82 so I wouldn\'t take anything on this website as the gospel truth.\r\n\r\nIt\'s another good week for the Dinner Fund with camels, OOBs and ducks a-plenty but once again Mr.Grumpy\'s arse comes under attack; this time from Hanksy who\'s errant tee shot on the 7th seeks out the Grumpster as he stands on the 5th tee. In future Mr. Grumpy has resolved to play with a copy of Golf International down the back of his strides.\r\n\r\nIndividually this week\'s \"Big Kahunas\" were Tate and Nance with 35 points apiece.\r\n\r\nEDIT - On the patio the match was declared a draw between the four ball of Mr.Grumpy, DJ, Turbo, Stan & the three ball of Tate, Fat-boy and Sam. The £12 kept by Fat-Boy for the kitty along with Bainey\'s huge fines on behalf of himself & Sam. The scores on the computer were only entered for league table and handicap purposes.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1375,'2011-10-23','2011-10-23 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-23 16:29:28',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,35,25,248,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1374,1,1),
(1376,'2011-10-23','2011-10-23 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-23 16:29:28',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,35,25,250,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1374,1,1),
(1377,'2011-10-23','2011-10-23 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-23 16:29:28',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,35,27,252,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1374,1,1),
(1378,'2011-10-23','2011-10-23 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-23 16:29:28',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,35,27,252,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1374,1,1),
(1379,'2011-10-23','2011-10-23 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-24 09:18:10',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,35,27,252,8,8,'A strange week as a maiden appearance by Bainey combined with two guest players, one of whom turns up late PLUS Mr. Grumpy\'s need to depart early for lunch causes much confusion. The result is a four ball and two three balls the Muffin members of which are then reconstituted as a post round four ball. There are starts from the 1st, 3rd and 6th tees such that no-one speaks to each other all morning. (All clear so far?).\r\n\r\nAnyway, the four ball made up of DJ, Turbo, Stan and Mr. Grumpy contrive to win the front nine, but serve up a piss-poor performance coming home to lose the back nine and the match to the composite 4-ball of Tate , Nance, Fat-Boy and Bainey - I think.\r\n\r\nIt\'s another good week for the Dinner Fund with camels, OOBs and ducks a-plenty but once again Mr.Grumpy\'s arse comes under attack; this time from Hanksy who\'s errant tee shot on the 7th seeks out the Grumpster as he stands on the 5th tee.\r\n\r\nIn future Mr. Grumpy has resolved to play with a copy of Golf International down the back of his strides.',1,'','',200,1374,1,1),
(1380,'2011-10-23','2011-10-23 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-24 09:26:13',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,35,27,252,8,8,'A strange week as a maiden appearance by Bainey combined with two guest players, one of whom turns up late PLUS Mr. Grumpy\'s need to depart early for lunch causes much confusion. The result is a four ball and two three balls the Muffin members of which are then reconstituted as a post round four ball. There are starts from the 1st, 3rd and 6th tees such that no-one speaks to each other all morning. (All clear so far?).\r\n\r\nAnyway, the four ball made up of DJ, Turbo, Stan and Mr. Grumpy contrive to play moderately well on the front nine, but serve up a piss-poor performance coming home to lose both nines and the match to the composite 4-ball of Tate , Nance, Fat-Boy and Bainey - I think. \r\n\r\nHowever, it should be noted that the computer thinks that 43 plus 40 equals 82 so I wouldn\'t take anything on this website as the gospel truth.\r\n\r\nIt\'s another good week for the Dinner Fund with camels, OOBs and ducks a-plenty but once again Mr.Grumpy\'s arse comes under attack; this time from Hanksy who\'s errant tee shot on the 7th seeks out the Grumpster as he stands on the 5th tee. In future Mr. Grumpy has resolved to play with a copy of Golf International down the back of his strides.\r\n\r\nIndividually this week\'s \"Big Kahunas\" were Tate and Nance with 35 points apiece.',1,'','',200,1374,1,1),
(1381,'2011-10-30','2011-10-30 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-31 10:14:39',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,25,216,7,8,'The last match of Summer 2011 sees Nance crowned \"Champion Golfer of the Year\" but it\'s another strange affair that sees the Muffins again transformed into the Muggs (Muzza\'s Unknown Guests Golf Society) and, once again, these guests are late so 2x3-balls are despatched leaving Fat-Boy to marshall his troops and take responsibility for all their fines. \r\n\r\nThe pairings are presided over by Caddy Ryan who throws up the balls and then gives them a desultory kick that results in a Nance, DJ and Mr. Grumpy axis and a Turbo, Cutie-Cutie, Stan combo. \r\n\r\n\"Caddy\" is probably too generous a term. The flag is seldom removed, balls are never cleaned, shots are regularly subjected to scorn and putting lines are trampled over with gay abandon. He even disappears for a poo with two holes to go. Fanny would be proud.\r\n\r\nThe team result is more than ever immaterial with the scores impossible to input in any meaningful way, but individually Nance emerges victorious with a modest 34 points. For the second competition running Turbo finishes 1st Loser which is a cause for much congratulation.\r\n\r\nShot of the day is played by Fat-Boy\'s tall guest in red who, having shanked his approach to the 9th green onto the 10th fairway by the old Ladies\' tee, then shanks a wedge \"behind square\" onto the roof of the garages to Dovehouse Court. This is not so much a crap shot but one, that if repeatable in other circumstances, might earn him a decent living.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1382,'2011-10-30','2011-10-30 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-30 23:43:22',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,25,215,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1381,1,1),
(1383,'2011-10-30','2011-10-30 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-30 23:43:22',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,25,216,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1381,1,1),
(1384,'2011-10-30','2011-10-30 08:00:00',19,2,67,67,'','2011-10-30 23:43:22',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,25,216,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1381,1,1),
(1385,'2011-11-06','2011-11-06 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-07 10:04:40',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,34,25,171,6,8,'It\'s a lovely morining and the expected 7 Muffins become 6 when Tate texts DJ in the early hours complaining of a \"leaking boiler\". It\'s assumed this is a reference to a central heating issue as opposed to some new lady friend of Tate\'s acquaintance.\r\n\r\nFor once the toss is straightforward and Fat-Boy, Nance and Mr. Grumpy set off first. On the 7th Nance ruins a good drive with a nobbled rescue into the brook. Ever the optimist he thinks that a de-duck from the spot where Stan almost drowned is \"on\". Fat-Boy counsels otherwise which only makes Nance more determined. The result? £2.\r\n\r\nAt half-way, DJ, Turbo and Stan hold a useful lead but it all unravels on the back and with the 9s shared, Nance, Fat-Boy and Mr. Grumpy garner two quid.\r\n\r\nWith the weather and course in optimal nick, scoring should have been good, but general incompetence leaves Mr. Grumpy high and dry in the 30\'s and his ten Muffin points is accompanied by a handicap cut.\r\n\r\nThose in need of a new screen saver should note that Mr Grumpy has added three new albums to the Picture Gallery. (Queensland, Antibes and Other Stuff).',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1386,'2011-11-06','2011-11-06 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-06 13:29:39',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,34,25,173,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1385,1,1),
(1387,'2011-11-06','2011-11-06 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-06 13:29:39',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,34,25,171,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1385,1,1),
(1388,'2011-11-06','2011-11-06 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-06 13:29:39',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,34,25,171,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1385,1,1),
(1389,'2011-11-06','2011-11-06 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-07 09:59:20',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,34,25,171,6,8,'It\'s a lovely morining and the expected 7 Muffins become 6 when Tate texts DJ in the early hours complaining of a \"leaking boiler\". It\'s assumed this is a reference to a central heating issue as opposed to some new lady friend of Tate\'s acquaintance.\r\n\r\nFor once the toss is straightforward and Fat-Boy, Nance and Mr. Grumpy set off first. On the 7th Nance ruins a good drive with a nobbled rescue into the brook. Ever the optimist he thinks that a de-duck from the spot where Stan almost drowned is \"on\". Fat-Boy counsels otherwise which only makes Nance more determined. The result? £2.\r\n\r\nAt half-way, DJ, Turbo and Stan hold a useful lead but it all unravels on the back and with the 9s shared, Nance, Fat-Boy and Mr. Grumpy garner two quid.\r\n\r\nWith the weather and course in optimal nick, scoring should have been good, but general incompetence leaves Mr. Grumpy high and dry in the 30\'s and his ten Muffin points is accompanied by a handicap cut.\r\n\r\nThose in need of a new screen saver should note that Mr Grumpy has added new photos to the Gallery. (Queensland, Antibes and Other Stuff).',1,'','',200,1385,1,1),
(1390,'2011-11-13','2011-11-13 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-14 19:13:20',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,27,216,7,8,'Remembrance Sunday and just the seven Muffins as Fat-Boy is engaged with his other friends. Nance steps in as tosser and selects Stan and Tate for his team  - which looks like a sound decision as Tate storms off scoring 10 points over the first four holes.\r\n\r\nHowever, it a false dawn and after several shots on the 5th, Tate\'s tee shot on the 6th goes due left into the spinney from where he traditionally makes par - but not this time.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie is playing well and with Mr Grumpy finding the odd fairway, it\'s a comfortable win for the 4-ball. It\'s also an expensive morning as on the patio the Muffins are first accosted by one of the Krankies demanding a £1 for a lollipop stick to be planted somewhere on the 3rd fairway and then the Assistant Pro begging support for Charlie\'s Christmas Fiddle. Add to that some useful fines and all in all Remembrance Sunday turns out to be an expensive day.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1391,'2011-11-13','2011-11-13 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-13 19:52:41',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,27,216,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1390,1,1),
(1392,'2011-11-13','2011-11-13 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-13 19:52:41',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,27,216,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1390,1,1),
(1393,'2011-11-13','2011-11-13 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-13 19:52:41',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,36,27,216,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1390,1,1),
(1394,'2011-11-20','2011-11-20 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-20 18:26:06',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,29,134,4,8,'Various knee problems and unexplained absences mean that only four Muffins set out in a dank, misty morning. It\'s Nance and Turbo vs DJ and Mr. Grumpy although by the end Turbo will argue that he hasn\'t actually had a partner at all.\r\n\r\nIn fact Turbo is a total pain in the arse; regularly splitting fairways, chipping stone dead and making best use of all his two-shotters to the extent that Nance only comes in on one hole on the front nine. At least DJ and Mr. Grumpy share responsibilities, but they trail by one at halfway. Then a run of 4,3, and 3 points edge them in front such that on the 18th tee, they lead the back nine whilst the match is all square.\r\n\r\nBut if you have tears, prepare to shed them now.\r\n\r\nFrom a decent drive down 18 DJ nobbles his second under a tree then manages to knock his third onto the brow of the hill. He then duffs his wedge into the brook. A few shots later and he\'s out of the equation.\r\n\r\nFrom an equally promising drive Mr. Grumpy cuts a rescue onto the right of the fairway 135 yards out and then fats an 8 iron into the purple tree. It falls into the clear from where he fats a wedge short of the green and then duffs a chip followed by another chip and a couple of putts.\r\n\r\nThe end result is two blobs leaving a rare contribution of 2 points from Nance to claim the £4. Never has an orange and lemonade tasted quite so sour.\r\n\r\nTurbo then has to leave early presumably for a spell in traction having carried Nance all the way round. Not that your correspondent is at all bitter.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1395,'2011-11-20','2011-11-20 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-20 13:31:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,29,134,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1394,1,1),
(1396,'2011-11-20','2011-11-20 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-20 13:31:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,29,134,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1394,1,1),
(1397,'2011-11-20','2011-11-20 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-20 13:31:36',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,29,134,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1394,1,1),
(1398,'2011-11-27','2011-11-27 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-28 12:43:20',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,30,24,162,6,8,'Nance and Fat-Boy are limping their way through to the next round of the Winter Foursomes and are thus not able to witness a display of gross incompetence from the remaining Muffins.\r\n\r\nYes, it\'s a bit windy, yes, there\'s a few leaves around, but in general conditions are favourable for November and yet no one gets more than 30 points.\r\n\r\nIt\'s so bad that DJ announces his retirement and usurps something that historically has been the Grumpster\'s prerogative. Apparently the pause at the top of the backswing has become a mental block for which there may be no cure this side of psychiatry. Tate has a game of two halves, 19 and 8. Stan has a game of two different halves, 8 and 21, but team-wise they knit together perfectly. Cutie-Cutie, Turbo and DJ have no halves at all and Mr. Grumpy lurches from tee to green where his short-game is as risible as ever.\r\n\r\nStill, light relief is obtained from tales of the Annual Dinner whereby Nance and Fat-Boy are now in possession of certain artefacts that need to be repatriated to their place of origin under cover of darkness. We await details of how this will be achieved.\r\n\r\nWith the Turkey Trot only two weeks away it now remains to be seen how many Muffins will actually be competing.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1399,'2011-11-27','2011-11-27 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-28 12:07:48',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,30,24,162,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1398,1,1),
(1400,'2011-11-27','2011-11-27 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-28 12:07:48',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,30,24,162,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1398,1,1),
(1401,'2011-11-27','2011-11-27 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-11-28 12:37:59',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,30,24,162,6,8,'Nance and Fat-Boy are limping their way through to the next round of the Winter Foursomes and are thus not able to witness a dsiplay of gross incompetence from the remaining Muffins.\r\n\r\nYes, it\'s a bit windy, yes, there\'s a few leaves around, but in general conditions are favourable for November and yet no one gets more than 30 points.\r\n\r\nIt\'s so bad that DJ announces his retirement and usurps something that historically has been the Grumpster\'s prerogative. Apparently the pause at the top of the backswing has become a mental block for which there may be no cure this side of psychiatry. Tate has a game of two halves, 19 and 8. Stan has a game of two different halves, 8 and 21, but team-wise they knit together perfectly. Cutie-Cutie, Turbo and DJ have no halves at all and Mr. Grumpy lurches from tee to green where his short-game is as risible as ever.\r\n\r\nStill, light relief is obtained from tales of the Annual Dinner whereby Nance and Fat-Boy are now in possession of certain artefacts that need to be repatriated to their place of origin under cover of darkness. We await details of how this will be achieved.\r\n\r\nWith the Turkey Trot only two weeks away it now remains to be seen how many Muffins will actually be competing.',1,'','',200,1398,1,1),
(1402,'2011-12-04','2011-12-04 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-12-05 09:12:00',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,30,95,3,8,'Various excuses decimate the field and Fat-Boy recruits Mickey Bowen to make up a 4-ball. Nance and Mickey take on Mr. Grumpy and Fat-Boy in a match full of witty banter and sledging.\r\n\r\nNance and Mickey shade the front 9 one-up and on the 17th tee are two-up and looking good for the full £4 until Mickey misses a 3 footer. Fat-Boy takes the hole with a sand-save par and then his par down 18 is good enough to halve the back 9 saving a £1.\r\n\r\nMONGU-wise Mr. Grumpy takes the 10 points with a 33, but there\'s no a lot in it.\r\n\r\nTurkey Trot next week and the pairings may or may not be as selected at the Annual Dinner. Time will tell. Readers will also want to know that the certain artefacts referred to last week have now been returned to Copt Heath GC in plain brown wrapping with an anonymous note and a donation to the Captain\'s Charity.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1403,'2011-12-04','2011-12-04 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-12-05 08:54:38',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,30,95,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1402,1,1),
(1404,'2011-12-04','2011-12-04 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-12-05 08:54:38',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,30,95,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1402,1,1),
(1405,'2011-12-04','2011-12-04 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-12-05 09:09:09',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,30,95,3,8,'Various excuses decimate the field and Fat-Boy recruits Mickey Bowen to make up a 4-ball. Nance and Mickey take on Mr. Grumpy and Fat-Boy in a match full of witty banter and sledging.\r\n\r\nNance and Mickey shade the front 9 one-up and on the 17th tee are two-up and looking good for the full £4 until Mickey misses a 3 footer. Fat-Boy takes the hole with a sand-save par and then his par down 18 is good enough to halve the back 9 saving a £1.\r\n\r\nMONGU-wise Mr. Grumpy takes the 10 points with a 33, but there\'s no a lot in it.\r\n\r\nTurkey Trot next week and the pairings may or may not be as selected at the Annual Dinner. Time will tell. Readers will also want to know that certain artefacts have been returned to Copt Heath GC in plain brown wrapping with an anonymous note and a donation to the Captain\'s Charity.',1,'','',200,1402,1,1),
(1406,'2011-12-18','2011-12-18 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-12-19 10:32:15',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,0,0,0,0,8,'It starts out as a 3 ball and then descends into a farce.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy has been out on Saturday evening and gets involved with port in industrial quantities. Sensibly on awaking at 7:00am he decides he\'s unfit to drive, so texts Nance asking for a lift. But Nance is under pressure to go shopping so takes the opportunity to cry off leaving Stan in company with Mr Hitler as a one-ball. \r\n\r\nHopefully Nance contacted him early enough.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1407,'2011-12-18','2011-12-18 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-12-19 10:20:55',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1406,1,1),
(1408,'2012-01-08','2012-01-08 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-08 19:27:42',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,27,188,6,8,'The computer never lies apparently so Fat-Boy\'s generosity in giving Nance a shot he doesn\'t deserve down the first combined with Mr. Grumpy\'s inability to add a simple column of 9 single digit numbers results in a different outcome than the one agreed on in the bar. Nance, Fat-Boy and Stan should have won £2, but finish up with nothing.\r\n\r\nMind you, the 3 ball of Mr. Grumpy, Turbo and Cutie-Cutie had only 2 players down the 14th as Cutie-Cutie\'s previous evening\'s Chicken Jalfrezi sought an accelerated exit causing Cutie to run, buttocks firmly clenched, all the way to the sanctuary of the clubhouse and back. Being in close proximity to the copse he could have sought relief \"al fresco\" in the manner of Fat-Boy, but fortunately no wet wipes were available.\r\n\r\nIndividually Nance\'s 33 points was enough to shade victory from a clutch of 32\'s.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1409,'2012-01-08','2012-01-08 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-08 19:08:23',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,29,190,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1408,1,1),
(1410,'2012-01-08','2012-01-08 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-08 19:08:23',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,27,188,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1408,1,1),
(1411,'2012-01-08','2012-01-08 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-08 19:08:23',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,27,188,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1408,1,1),
(1412,'2012-01-15','2012-01-15 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-16 11:20:04',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,30,26,141,5,8,'It\'s a very frosty one as the Famous Five make there way to the 6th tee. Nance and Stan have opted for yellow balls which makes Fat-Boy\'s toss somewhat of a foregone conclusion and it\'s no surprise that even after two tosses, Nance and Stan are still paired together.\r\n\r\nThe frozen ground makes it a bit of a lottery. Anything pitching on the green careers several yards beyond, anything short can run up nicely or, take a horrific bounce due left or right. In consequence the scoring is modest and the fines mount. After 16 holes neither Nance or Mr. Grumpy have contributed a camel which is a sure sign of impending doom for one of them, but in the event, although five camels are added to the total on the 5th and final hole, Turbo contributes 3 of them end ends up holding the baby.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy sets something of a record with 3 ducks, none of which prove de-duckable, one of them being where Stan once conducted his synchronised swimming demo.\r\n\r\nOnce again, the score agreed upon in the bar differs slightly - but importantly - from reality in that Nance and Stan should have only coughed up £3 rather than £4.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1413,'2012-01-15','2012-01-15 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-16 10:49:43',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,30,26,141,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1412,1,1),
(1414,'2012-01-15','2012-01-15 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-16 10:49:43',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,30,26,141,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1412,1,1),
(1415,'2012-01-15','2012-01-15 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-16 10:49:43',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,30,26,141,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1412,1,1),
(1416,'2012-01-15','2012-01-15 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-16 11:20:04',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,26,153,5,8,'It\'s a very frosty one as the Famous Five make there way to the 6th tee. Nance and Stan have opted for yellow balls which makes Fat-Boy\'s toss somewhat of a foregone conclusion and it\'s no surprise that even after two tosses, Nance and Stan are still paired together.\r\n\r\nThe frozen ground makes it a bit of a lottery. Anything pitching on the green careers several yards beyond, anything short can run up nicely or, take a horrific bounce due left or right. In consequence the scoring is modest and the fines mount. After 16 holes neither Nance or Mr. Grumpy have contributed a camel which is a sure sign of impending doom for one of them, but in the event, although five camels are added to the total on the 5th and final hole, Turbo contributes 3 of them end ends up holding the baby.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy sets something of a record with 3 ducks, none of which prove de-duckable, one of them being where Stan once conducted his synchronised swimming demo.\r\n\r\nOnce again, the score agreed upon in the bar differs slightly - but importantly - from reality in that Nance and Stan should have only coughed up £3 rather than £4.',1,'','',200,1412,1,1),
(1417,'2012-01-15','2012-01-15 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-16 11:20:04',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,26,153,5,8,'It\'s a very frosty one as the Famous Five make there way to the 6th tee. Nance and Stan have opted for yellow balls which makes Fat-Boy\'s toss somewhat of a foregone conclusion and it\'s no surprise that even after two tosses, Nance and Stan are still paired together.\r\n\r\nThe frozen ground makes it a bit of a lottery. Anything pitching on the green careers several yards beyond, anything short can run up nicely or, take a horrific bounce due left or right. In consequence the scoring is modest and the fines mount. After 16 holes neither Nance or Mr. Grumpy have contributed a camel which is a sure sign of impending doom for one of them, but in the event, although five camels are added to the total on the 5th and final hole, Turbo contributes 3 of them end ends up holding the baby.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy sets something of a record with 3 ducks, none of which prove de-duckable, one of them being where Stan once conducted his synchronised swimming demo.\r\n\r\nOnce again, the score agreed upon in the bar differs slightly - but importantly - from reality in that Nance and Stan should have only coughed up £3 rather than £4.',1,'','',200,1412,1,1),
(1418,'2012-01-08','2012-01-08 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-08 19:27:42',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,31,205,6,8,'The computer never lies apparently so Fat-Boy\'s generosity in giving Nance a shot he doesn\'t deserve down the first combined with Mr. Grumpy\'s inability to add a simple column of 9 single digit numbers results in a different outcome than the one agreed on in the bar. Nance, Fat-Boy and Stan should have won £2, but finish up with nothing.\r\n\r\nMind you, the 3 ball of Mr. Grumpy, Turbo and Cutie-Cutie had only 2 players down the 14th as Cutie-Cutie\'s previous evening\'s Chicken Jalfrezi sought an accelerated exit causing Cutie to run, buttocks firmly clenched, all the way to the sanctuary of the clubhouse and back. Being in close proximity to the copse he could have sought relief \"al fresco\" in the manner of Fat-Boy, but fortunately no wet wipes were available.\r\n\r\nIndividually Nance\'s 33 points was enough to shade victory from a clutch of 32\'s.',1,'','',200,1408,1,1),
(1419,'2012-01-15','2012-01-15 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-16 11:20:04',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,26,153,5,8,'It\'s a very frosty one as the Famous Five make there way to the 6th tee. Nance and Stan have opted for yellow balls which makes Fat-Boy\'s toss somewhat of a foregone conclusion and it\'s no surprise that even after two tosses, Nance and Stan are still paired together.\r\n\r\nThe frozen ground makes it a bit of a lottery. Anything pitching on the green careers several yards beyond, anything short can run up nicely or, take a horrific bounce due left or right. In consequence the scoring is modest and the fines mount. After 16 holes neither Nance or Mr. Grumpy have contributed a camel which is a sure sign of impending doom for one of them, but in the event, although five camels are added to the total on the 5th and final hole, Turbo contributes 3 of them end ends up holding the baby.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy sets something of a record with 3 ducks, none of which prove de-duckable, one of them being where Stan once conducted his synchronised swimming demo.\r\n\r\nOnce again, the score agreed upon in the bar differs slightly - but importantly - from reality in that Nance and Stan should have only coughed up £3 rather than £4.',1,'','',200,1412,1,1),
(1420,'2011-12-18','2011-12-18 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2011-12-19 10:32:15',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,0,0,0,0,8,'It starts out as a 3 ball and then descends into a farce.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy has been out on Saturday evening and gets involved with port in industrial quantities. Sensibly on awaking at 7:00am he decides he\'s unfit to drive, so texts Nance asking for a lift. But Nance is under pressure to go shopping so takes the opportunity to cry off leaving Stan in company with Mr Hitler as a one-ball. \r\n\r\nHopefully Nance contacted him early enough.',1,'','',200,1406,1,1),
(1421,'2012-01-08','2012-01-08 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-08 19:27:42',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,27,188,6,8,'The computer never lies apparently so Fat-Boy\'s generosity in giving Nance a shot he doesn\'t deserve down the first combined with Mr. Grumpy\'s inability to add a simple column of 9 single digit numbers results in a different outcome than the one agreed on in the bar. Nance, Fat-Boy and Stan should have won £2, but finish up with nothing.\r\n\r\nMind you, the 3 ball of Mr. Grumpy, Turbo and Cutie-Cutie had only 2 players down the 14th as Cutie-Cutie\'s previous evening\'s Chicken Jalfrezi sought an accelerated exit causing Cutie to run, buttocks firmly clenched, all the way to the sanctuary of the clubhouse and back. Being in close proximity to the copse he could have sought relief \"al fresco\" in the manner of Fat-Boy, but fortunately no wet wipes were available.\r\n\r\nIndividually Nance\'s 33 points was enough to shade victory from a clutch of 32\'s.',1,'','',200,1408,1,1),
(1422,'2012-01-15','2012-01-15 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-16 11:20:04',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,30,26,141,5,8,'It\'s a very frosty one as the Famous Five make there way to the 6th tee. Nance and Stan have opted for yellow balls which makes Fat-Boy\'s toss somewhat of a foregone conclusion and it\'s no surprise that even after two tosses, Nance and Stan are still paired together.\r\n\r\nThe frozen ground makes it a bit of a lottery. Anything pitching on the green careers several yards beyond, anything short can run up nicely or, take a horrific bounce due left or right. In consequence the scoring is modest and the fines mount. After 16 holes neither Nance or Mr. Grumpy have contributed a camel which is a sure sign of impending doom for one of them, but in the event, although five camels are added to the total on the 5th and final hole, Turbo contributes 3 of them end ends up holding the baby.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy sets something of a record with 3 ducks, none of which prove de-duckable, one of them being where Stan once conducted his synchronised swimming demo.\r\n\r\nOnce again, the score agreed upon in the bar differs slightly - but importantly - from reality in that Nance and Stan should have only coughed up £3 rather than £4.',1,'','',200,1412,1,1),
(1423,'2012-01-22','2012-01-22 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-22 17:42:30',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,26,18,84,4,8,'The PGA Tour decide to suspend play when experiencing 35mph winds at La Quinta.  For Muffins, there are no such thoughts.  35mph winds are classified as a mere Zephyr at OGC.\r\n\r\nA non-standard 4-ball for once, made possible due to Fat-Boys decision to play with his mates. Nance stands in as tosser, and decides to play with Turbo, leaving Stan to consider if Cutie-Cutie has got a low piercing ball-flight in his locker.\r\n\r\nMuffins tourists were comparing the conditions with Bude in 2003.  Drivers were the order of the day at the par 3 5th, and even then, no-one reached the stream.  Mr. Grumpy may have been very grumpy, had he been in attendance  However he was savouring the suN-drenched beaches of Padstow for the weekend.\r\n\r\nA comfortable 4-point lead at the turn for Nance and Turbo, was being eroded gradually from the 10th.  By the 18th, there was only a single point in it.   Into the teeth of the gale, all hit career best drives.  Turbo and Stan manage to get past the ladies tee by a few yards.  Nance and Cutie fail to reach the fairway.  Hours later, the hole is complete, with Nance picking up the camels on the final hole.\r\n\r\nThe scores are in dispute in the bar, since it appears Nance and Turbo have taken it by a short head.  However, with Cutie-Cutie giving the scores very close attention, the computer is called into action to validate the scores.  The computer, inexplicably, decide that Cutie-Cutie and Stan have taken the back 9 and the match.  \r\n\r\nNance picks up a significant fine bill, adding a duck to his camel total.  Fortunately, it is his 50th birthday today, and he hopes someone has put some big money in his cards to pay his fines.  Fat chance.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1424,'2012-01-22','2012-01-22 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-22 12:56:36',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,26,18,84,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1423,1,1),
(1425,'2012-01-22','2012-01-22 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-22 12:56:36',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,26,18,84,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1423,1,1),
(1426,'2012-01-22','2012-01-22 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-22 13:57:39',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,26,18,84,4,8,'The PGA Tour decide to suspend play when experiencing 35mph winds at La Quinta.  For Muffins, there are no such thoughts.  35mph winds are classified as a mere Zephyr at OGC.\r\n\r\nA non-standard 4-ball for once, made possible due to Fat-Boys decision to play with his mates. Nance stands in as tosser, and decides to play with Turbo, leaving Stan to consider if Cutie-Cutie has got a low piercing ball-flight in his locker.\r\n\r\nMuffins tourists were comparing the conditions with Bude in 2003.  Drivers were the order of the day at the par 3 5th, and even then, no-one reached the stream.  Mr. Grumpy may have been very grumpy, had he been in attendance  However he was savouring the suN-drenched beaches of Padstow for the weekend.\r\n\r\nA comfortable 4-point lead at the turn for Nance and Turbo, was being eroded gradually from the 10th.  By the 18th, there was only a single point in it.   Into the teeth of the gale, all hit career best drives.  Turbo and Stan manage to get past the ladies tee by a few yards.  Nance and Cutie fail to reach the fairway.  Hours later, the hole is complete, with Nance picking up the camels on the final hole.\r\n\r\nThe scores are in dispute in the bar, since it appears Nance and Turbo have taken it by a short head.  However, with Cutie-Cutie giving the scores very close attention, the computer is called into action to validate the scores.  The computer, inexplicably, decide that Cutie-Cutie and Stan have taken the back 9 and the match.  \r\n\r\nNance picks a significant fine bill, adding a duck to his camel total.  Fortunately, it is 50th birthday today, and he hopes someone has put some money in his cards to pay his fines.  Fat chance.',1,'','',200,1423,1,1),
(1427,'2012-01-29','2012-01-29 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-29 19:04:49',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,35,29,97,3,8,'Indecision was the order of the day.  Mr. Grumpy has a luncheon engagement, so intially decides not to play, then decides to play, then decides that it would be sensible to go off the 3rd, then decides it would be more sensible to go off the 1st.  He then decides he should be ball-tosser.  He picks Nance as his partner.  Maybe he should have changed his mind on that one too....\r\n\r\nWith Mr. Grumpy only playing one nine, Nance did enquire which one that would be, since we are never quite sure.  Mr. Grumpy claims it will be the first, so that he can leave after the butties for his luncheon engagement.  He didn\'t get his racing snake figure by accident, you know.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy and Nance were destined to lose this match from the off.  Turbo starts with a 5 for 3 points, setting the scene for the front 9 in which he and Stan only failed to pick up 3 points on 3 holes.  Their opening 24 points was 4 more than was needed to take the front 9.  Mr. Grumpy\'s half-decent 17 points was only good enough for 3rd spot at the turn.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy hands over £2 (on account), stating that he was confident that Nance, on his own would take the back 9 comfortably.  This strategy seemed a good one after Nances tee shot at 10 found the middle of the fairway.  However somewhere between then and the the next tee, Nance had managed a further 5 shots and a blob, whereas Stan chips in a for a 4 and 4 points.  All over bar the shouting.  \r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy\'s 9 hole gamble doesn\'t pay off.  His early departure enables the remaining Muffins to accumulate a modest 12 camel total, which Mr. Grumpy takes ownership of.  An his £2 \"on account\" now needs to be supplemented by a further £2 next week.  \r\n\r\nWe hope the lunch was nice.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1428,'2012-01-29','2012-01-29 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-29 18:40:56',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,35,29,97,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1427,1,1),
(1429,'2012-01-29','2012-01-29 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-29 18:40:56',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,35,29,97,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1427,1,1),
(1430,'2012-01-29','2012-01-29 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-29 19:01:50',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,35,29,97,3,8,'Indecision was the order of the day.  Mr. Grumpy has a luncheon engagement, so intially decides not to play, then decides to play, then decides that it would be sensible to go off the 3rd, then decides it would be more sensible to go off the 1st.  He then decides he should be ball-tosser.  He picks Nance as his partner.  Maybe he should have changed his mind on that one too....\r\n\r\nWith Mr. Grumpy only playing one nine, Nance did enquire which one that would be, since we are never sure.  Mr. Grumpy claims it will be the first, so that he can leave after the butties for his lunchenon engagement.  He didn\'t get his racing snake figure by accident, you know.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy and Nance were destined to lose this match from the off.  Turbo starts with a 5 for 3 points, setting the scene for the front 9 in which he and Stan only failed to pick up 3 points on 3 holes.  Their opening 24 points was 4 more than was needed to take the front 9.  Mr. Grumpy\'s half-decent 17 points was only good enough for 3rd spot at the turn.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy hands over £2 (on account), stating that he was confident that Nance, on his own would take the back 9 comfortably.  This strategy seemed a good one after Nances tee shot at 10 found the middle of the fairway.  However somewhere between then and the the next tee, Nance had managed a further 5 shots and a blob, whereas Stan chips in a for a 4 and 4 points.  All over bar the shouting.  \r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy\'s 9 hole gamble doesn\'t pay off.  His early departure enables the remaining Muffins to accumulate a modest 12 camel total, which Mr. Grumpy takes ownership of.  An his £2 \"on account\" now needs to be supplemented by a further £2 next week.  \r\n\r\nWe hope the lunch was nice.',1,'','',200,1427,1,1),
(1431,'2012-01-29','2012-01-29 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-01-29 19:02:41',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,35,29,97,3,8,'Indecision was the order of the day.  Mr. Grumpy has a luncheon engagement, so intially decides not to play, then decides to play, then decides that it would be sensible to go off the 3rd, then decides it would be more sensible to go off the 1st.  He then decides he should be ball-tosser.  He picks Nance as his partner.  Maybe he should have changed his mind on that one too....\r\n\r\nWith Mr. Grumpy only playing one nine, Nance did enquire which one that would be, since we are never quite sure.  Mr. Grumpy claims it will be the first, so that he can leave after the butties for his luncheon engagement.  He didn\'t get his racing snake figure by accident, you know.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy and Nance were destined to lose this match from the off.  Turbo starts with a 5 for 3 points, setting the scene for the front 9 in which he and Stan only failed to pick up 3 points on 3 holes.  Their opening 24 points was 4 more than was needed to take the front 9.  Mr. Grumpy\'s half-decent 17 points was only good enough for 3rd spot at the turn.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy hands over £2 (on account), stating that he was confident that Nance, on his own would take the back 9 comfortably.  This strategy seemed a good one after Nances tee shot at 10 found the middle of the fairway.  However somewhere between then and the the next tee, Nance had managed a further 5 shots and a blob, whereas Stan chips in a for a 4 and 4 points.  All over bar the shouting.  \r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy\'s 9 hole gamble doesn\'t pay off.  His early departure enables the remaining Muffins to accumulate a modest 12 camel total, which Mr. Grumpy takes ownership of.  An his £2 \"on account\" now needs to be supplemented by a further £2 next week.  \r\n\r\nWe hope the lunch was nice.',1,'','',200,1427,1,1),
(1432,'2012-02-12','2012-02-12 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-12 21:49:41',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,38,29,128,4,8,'A strange sort of day. \r\n\r\nWhen the \"Golf Sun?\" text arrives on Mr. Grumpy\'s mobile he thinks DJ is taking the piss...but no, there\'s a game on and Mr. Grumpy joins up with Nance to take on Stan and Fat-Boy on a morning which is less cold than expected. However, it\'s all on temps and there\'s still enough ice and snow around to close holes 13 to 16 inclusive which means the plucky four have to double up on holes 1 to 4 whilst using the 13 to 16 par ratings and stroke indices. If you follow what I mean.\r\n\r\nAt the sandwiches Fat-Boy and Stan have a useful lead, but two consecutive holed putts from 20 yards plus on 10 and 11 from Nance starts the fight back that leads to ultimate victory. Mind you, up to then Nance had contributed f**k all, if you\'ll pardon my French.\r\n\r\nSeveral temporary greens adjacent to the stream resulted in a healthy number of ducks and Nance collects the camels. Individually Mr. Grumpy strengthens his claim on the Jack Shit Trophy - but there\'s a long way to go yet - and his day is all but ruined by a disaster in the Black Country derby and by Wales winning a rugby match.\r\n\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1433,'2012-02-12','2012-02-12 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-12 21:29:55',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,38,29,128,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1432,1,1),
(1434,'2012-02-12','2012-02-12 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-12 21:29:55',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,38,29,128,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1432,1,1),
(1435,'2012-02-19','2012-02-19 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-20 12:23:42',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,37,20,140,5,8,'Another 5-ball and Turbo takes on the tossing duties on the 6th tee. To no-one\'s surprise Mr. Grumpy is paired with Nance AGAIN and thus for your correspondent a long morning is in prospect. \r\n\r\nIt\'s a bit snowy and frosty early doors, but Cutie-Cutie in particular is making light of the conditions and with occasional contributions from Stan and Turbo, the result seems to be a foregone conclusion from as early as a few holes in. It takes Nance a full 14 holes to join the party, but his much heralded \"21 points from the last 7 holes\" turns out to be as reliable as Darlington FC\'s finances.\r\n\r\nWith the team result a foregone conclusion we now come to the 5th and final hole. \r\n\r\nThe camel score stands at 20, due mainly  to Turbo building the total in increments of at least two, but to this point Mr. Grumpy has contributed a fat zero. Therefore regular readers will know where this narrative is heading.\r\n\r\nUnlike everyone else, Mr. Grumpy commits the schoolboy error of aiming for the green and unluckily finds the sand. Nance is big right, Cutie-Cutie is short left. Turbo is short right and Stan is just short when \"short\" would be considered a wild exaggeration. A few chips and a couple of ducks later everyone is on the green leaving the Grumpster to splash out and a couple of disconsolate putts later he is £5.25p the poorer.\r\n\r\nTo no-one\'s surprise, Cutie-Cutie runs away with the individual score, but at least he stumps up for the sandwiches. On top of the £5.25, Mr. Grumpy also loses £4 and then gets cut enough to lose him a full shot. It\'s a disgrace.\r\n\r\nOn another matter, the weather is improving and the soil is warming so inevitably your thoughts will be turning to the garden. Can I suggest you visit www.stubbingsnursery.co.uk and especially click on the \"stubbings nursery\" and then the \"seasonal hints and tips\" section at the foot of the menu. \r\n\r\nAt the foot there\'s even an archive section where you can explore Turbo\'s past pearls of horticultural wisdom.\r\n',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1436,'2012-02-19','2012-02-19 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-20 09:38:07',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,37,20,140,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1435,1,1),
(1437,'2012-02-19','2012-02-19 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-20 09:38:07',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,37,20,140,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1435,1,1),
(1438,'2012-02-19','2012-02-19 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-20 09:59:41',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,37,20,140,5,8,'Another 5-ball and Turbo takes on the tossing duties on the 6th tee. To no-ones surprise Mr. Grumpy is paired with Nance AGAIN and thus for your correspondent a long morning is in prospect. \r\n\r\nIt\'s a bit snowy and frosty early doors, but Cutie-Cutie in particular is making light of the conditions and with occasional contributions from Stan and Turbo, the result seems to be a foregone conclusion from a few holes in. It takes Nance 14 holes to join the party, but his much heralded \"21 points from the last 7 holes\" turns out to be as reliable as Darlington FC\'s finances.\r\n\r\nWith the team result a foregone conclusion we now come to the 5th and final hole. The camel score stands at 20, mainly due to Turbo building the total in increments of two, but to this point Mr. Grumpy has contributed zero. Thus regular readers will know where this narrative is heading.\r\n\r\nUnlike everyone else, Mr. Grumpy commits the schoolboy error of aiming for the green. Nance is big right, Cutie-Cutie is short left. Turbo is short right and Stan is just short when \"short\" could be considered as a wild exaggeration. A few chips and a couple of ducks later everyone is on the green leaving the Grumpster to splash out and a couple of disconsolate putts later he is £5.25p poorer. ',1,'','',200,1435,1,1),
(1439,'2012-02-19','2012-02-19 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-20 10:24:09',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,37,20,140,5,8,'Another 5-ball and Turbo takes on the tossing duties on the 6th tee. To no-ones surprise Mr. Grumpy is paired with Nance AGAIN and thus for your correspondent a long morning is in prospect. \r\n\r\nIt\'s a bit snowy and frosty early doors, but Cutie-Cutie in particular is making light of the conditions and with occasional contributions from Stan and Turbo, the result seems to be a foregone conclusion from a few holes in. It takes Nance 14 holes to join the party, but his much heralded \"21 points from the last 7 holes\" turns out to be as reliable as Darlington FC\'s finances.\r\n\r\nWith the team result a foregone conclusion we now come to the 5th and final hole. The camel score stands at 20, mainly due to Turbo building the total in increments of two, but to this point Mr. Grumpy has contributed zero. Thus regular readers will know where this narrative is heading.\r\n\r\nUnlike everyone else, Mr. Grumpy commits the schoolboy error of aiming for the green. Nance is big right, Cutie-Cutie is short left. Turbo is short right and Stan is just short when \"short\" could be considered as a wild exaggeration. A few chips and a couple of ducks later everyone is on the green leaving the Grumpster to splash out and a couple of disconsolate putts later he is £5.25p poorer.\r\n\r\nTo no-one\'s surprise, Cutie-Cutie runs away with the individual score but at least he stumps up for the sandwiches. ',1,'','',200,1435,1,1),
(1440,'2012-02-19','2012-02-19 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-20 10:26:02',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,37,20,140,5,8,'Another 5-ball and Turbo takes on the tossing duties on the 6th tee. To no-ones surprise Mr. Grumpy is paired with Nance AGAIN and thus for your correspondent a long morning is in prospect. \r\n\r\nIt\'s a bit snowy and frosty early doors, but Cutie-Cutie in particular is making light of the conditions and with occasional contributions from Stan and Turbo, the result seems to be a foregone conclusion from a few holes in. It takes Nance 14 holes to join the party, but his much heralded \"21 points from the last 7 holes\" turns out to be as reliable as Darlington FC\'s finances.\r\n\r\nWith the team result a foregone conclusion we now come to the 5th and final hole. The camel score stands at 20, mainly due to Turbo building the total in increments of two, but to this point Mr. Grumpy has contributed zero. Thus regular readers will know where this narrative is heading.\r\n\r\nUnlike everyone else, Mr. Grumpy commits the schoolboy error of aiming for the green. Nance is big right, Cutie-Cutie is short left. Turbo is short right and Stan is just short when \"short\" could be considered as a wild exaggeration. A few chips and a couple of ducks later everyone is on the green leaving the Grumpster to splash out and a couple of disconsolate putts later he is £5.25p poorer.\r\n\r\nTo no-one\'s surprise, Cutie-Cutie runs away with the individual score but at least he stumps up for the sandwiches. \r\n\r\nhttp://www.stubbingsnursery.co.uk/menus/main.asp?QTopMenu=Stubbings%20Nursery&QSubMenu=Seasonal%20Hints%20and%20Tips&QOptionItem=blank',1,'','',200,1435,1,1),
(1441,'2012-02-19','2012-02-19 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-20 10:31:30',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,37,20,140,5,8,'Another 5-ball and Turbo takes on the tossing duties on the 6th tee. To no-ones surprise Mr. Grumpy is paired with Nance AGAIN and thus for your correspondent a long morning is in prospect. \r\n\r\nIt\'s a bit snowy and frosty early doors, but Cutie-Cutie in particular is making light of the conditions and with occasional contributions from Stan and Turbo, the result seems to be a foregone conclusion from a few holes in. It takes Nance 14 holes to join the party, but his much heralded \"21 points from the last 7 holes\" turns out to be as reliable as Darlington FC\'s finances.\r\n\r\nWith the team result a foregone conclusion we now come to the 5th and final hole. The camel score stands at 20, mainly due to Turbo building the total in increments of two, but to this point Mr. Grumpy has contributed zero. Thus regular readers will know where this narrative is heading.\r\n\r\nUnlike everyone else, Mr. Grumpy commits the schoolboy error of aiming for the green. Nance is big right, Cutie-Cutie is short left. Turbo is short right and Stan is just short when \"short\" could be considered as a wild exaggeration. A few chips and a couple of ducks later everyone is on the green leaving the Grumpster to splash out and a couple of disconsolate putts later he is £5.25p poorer.\r\n\r\nTo no-one\'s surprise, Cutie-Cutie runs away with the individual score but at least he stumps up for the sandwiches. \r\n\r\nOn another matter, the weather is improving and the soil is warming so inevitably your thoughts will be turning to gardening. Can I suggest you visit www.stubbingsnursery.co.uk and especially click on the \"stubbings nursery\" and then the \"seasonal hints and tips\" section at the foot of the menu. \r\n\r\nAt the foot there\'s even an archive section where you can explore Turbo\'s past pearls of horticultural wisdom.\r\n',1,'','',200,1435,1,1),
(1442,'2012-02-19','2012-02-19 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-20 12:22:13',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,37,20,140,5,8,'Another 5-ball and Turbo takes on the tossing duties on the 6th tee. To no-one\'s surprise Mr. Grumpy is paired with Nance AGAIN and thus for your correspondent a long morning is in prospect. \r\n\r\nIt\'s a bit snowy and frosty early doors, but Cutie-Cutie in particular is making light of the conditions and with occasional contributions from Stan and Turbo, the result seems to be a foregone conclusion from as soon as a few holes in. It takes Nance a full 14 holes to join the party, but his much heralded \"21 points from the last 7 holes\" turns out to be as reliable as Darlington FC\'s finances.\r\n\r\nWith the team result a foregone conclusion we now come to the 5th and final hole. \r\n\r\nThe camel score stands at 20, due mainly  to Turbo building the total in increments of at least two, but to this point Mr. Grumpy has contributed a fat zero. Therefore regular readers will know where this narrative is heading.\r\n\r\nUnlike everyone else, Mr. Grumpy commits the schoolboy error of aiming for the green and unluckily finds the sand. Nance is big right, Cutie-Cutie is short left. Turbo is short right and Stan is just short when \"short\" would be considered a wild exaggeration. A few chips and a couple of ducks later everyone is on the green leaving the Grumpster to splash out and a couple of disconsolate putts later he is £5.25p the poorer.\r\n\r\nTo no-one\'s surprise, Cutie-Cutie runs away with the individual score, but at least he stumps up for the sandwiches. On top of the £5.25, Mr. Grumpy also loses £4 and then gets cut enough to lose him a full shot. It\'s a disgrace.\r\n\r\nOn another matter, the weather is improving and the soil is warming so inevitably your thoughts will be turning to the garden. Can I suggest you visit www.stubbingsnursery.co.uk and especially click on the \"stubbings nursery\" and then the \"seasonal hints and tips\" section at the foot of the menu. \r\n\r\nAt the foot there\'s even an archive section where you can explore Turbo\'s past pearls of horticultural wisdom.\r\n',1,'','',200,1435,1,1),
(1443,'2012-02-26','2012-02-26 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-27 09:54:42',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,24,117,4,8,'Following the extravagance of the Annual Dinner the Muffin\'s fines kitty was somewhat depleted. It\'s therefore pleasing to report that Turbo has taken it upon himself to make up the shortfall single-handedly. Twenty five camels, a couple of ducks and an OOB constituted a singularly successful morning and it\'s a good job that the £4 in winnings softened the blow.\r\n\r\nThe morning was also notable for the return of DJ. Not in a playing sense you\'ll understand; merely to collect his clubs pending some intensive practice sessions, to treat the boys to the sandwiches and to discuss Wales\' performance at Twickenham with a reluctant Mr. Grumpy.\r\n\r\nThe said Grumpster avoided Nance in the toss for once and partnered Turbo to a clear cut victory. Nance was not aided by caddie Ryan who took the oppportunity for his morning in the fresh air for some serial scoffing with copious amounts of chocolate and pop bracketing the sausage and bacon buttie. This he combined with tree climbing, piss taking and generally being anywhere other than at his player\'s side.\r\n\r\nOn the 11th Nance hits a rescue club and exclaims \"that\'s the best shot I\'ve ever hit in my life\". Possibly true, but this is the cue for Ryan to describe any of Nance\'s subsequent less succesful efforts in the same terms. The European and PGA Tours would be much more fun if professional caddies adopted the same attitude.  ',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1444,'2012-02-26','2012-02-26 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-27 09:27:28',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,34,24,115,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1443,1,1),
(1445,'2012-02-26','2012-02-26 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-27 09:27:28',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,24,117,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1443,1,1),
(1446,'2012-02-26','2012-02-26 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-27 09:27:28',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,24,117,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1443,1,1),
(1447,'2012-02-26','2012-02-26 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-02-27 09:51:05',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,34,24,117,4,8,'Following the extravagance of the Annual Dinner the Muffin\'s fines kitty was somewhat depleted. It\'s therefore pleasing to report that Turbo has taken it upon himself to make up the shortfall single-handedly. Twenty five camels, a couple of ducks and an OOB constituted a singularly successful morning and it\'s a good job that the £4 in winnings softened the blow.\r\n\r\nThe morning was also notable for the return of DJ. Not in a playing sense you\'ll understand; merely to collect his clubs pending some intensive practice sessions, to treat the boys to the sandwiches and to discuss Wales\' performance at Twickenham with a reluctant Mr. Grumpy.\r\n\r\nThe said Grumpster avoided Nance in the toss for once and partnered Turbo to a clear cut victory. Nance was not aided by caddie Ryan who took the oppportunity for his morning in the fresh air for some serial scoffing with copious amounts of chocolate and pop bracketing the sausage and bacon buttie. This he combined with tree climbing, piss taking and generally being anywhere other than at his player\'s side.\r\n\r\nOn the 11th Nance hits a rescue club and exclaims \"that\'s the best shot I\'ve ever hit in my life\". Possibly true, but this is the cue for Ryan to describe any of Nance\'s subsequent less succesful efforts in the same terms. The European and PGA Tours would be much more fun if professional caddies adopted the same attitude.  ',1,'','',200,1443,1,1),
(1448,'2012-03-04','2012-03-04 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-05 09:43:47',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,28,9,111,5,8,'There are days when even the die-hard Muffins should not venture out on the course and this probably was one of them. Only 3 degrees and constant rain meant that only 5 Muffins and six others were daft enough to venture forth and such was the severity of the conditions that even the Fat-Boy scurried back to the clubhouse from the 6th tee for an extra layer.\r\n\r\nComparisons with Montrose, Carne and Bude were pertinent. Frozen hands and wet grips made any level of control an impossibility.\r\n\r\nNance and Fat-Boy were partnered together which is usually the recipe for some bickering, but their twin individual scores of 27 points were enough to take the team money. The back 9 saw Turbo hit an unprecedented run of consistency which he ruined by taking his first and only point on the 18th hole whilst Stan and Mr. Grumpy lurched between the average and mediocre.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie\'s early morning decision to cry off cost him 20 camels, but was probably a small price to pay.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy sneaked off with the individual honours and it\'s now \"squeaky bum\" time in the quest for the Jack S**t Trophy. Mind you, how he manages to win and yet still benefits from a 0.15 handicap increase is anyone\'s guess.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1449,'2012-03-04','2012-03-04 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-04 13:16:35',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,28,9,111,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1448,1,1),
(1450,'2012-03-04','2012-03-04 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-04 13:16:35',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,28,9,111,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1448,1,1),
(1451,'2012-03-04','2012-03-04 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-05 09:38:37',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,28,9,111,5,8,'There are days when even the die-hard Muffins should not venture out on the course and this probably was one of them. Only 3 degrees and constant rain meant that only 5 Muffins and six others were daft enough to venture forth and such was the severity of the conditions that even the Fat-Boy scurried back to the clubhouse from the 6th tee for an extra layer.\r\n\r\nComparisons with Montrose, Carne and Bude were pertinent. Frozen hands and wet grips made any level of control an impossibility.\r\n\r\nNance and Fat-Boy were partnered together which is usually the recipe for some bickering, but their twin individual scores of 27 points were enough to take the team money. The back 9 saw Turbo hit an unprecedented run of consistency which he ruined by taking his first and only point on the 18th hole whilst Stan and Mr. Grumpy lurched between the average and mediocre.\r\n\r\nCutie-Cutie\'s early morning decision to cry off cost him 20 camels, but was probably a small price to pay.\r\n\r\nMr. Grumpy sneaked off with the individual honours and it\'s now \"squeaky bum\" time in the quest for the Jack S**t Trophy.',1,'','',200,1448,1,1),
(1452,'2012-03-11','2012-03-11 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-12 10:27:59',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,24,109,4,8,'The contrast couldn\'t be much clearer. Tiger, realising he now can\'t win at the Blue Monster, wimps off after 11 holes complaining of a sore leg. \r\n\r\nMeanwhile Nance has bad feet, bad ankles, chronic elbows and a suspected malignancy in the chest. (Which turns out to be a bone that everyone since Adam has possessed). In addition Mr. Grumpy has the worst case of man-flu since medical records began, but bravely they hang on to snatch a team victory from Stan and Turbo with the last putt of the match.\r\n\r\nIt\'s a benign day and scoring should have been better, but Turbo celebrates his restoration to a 30 handicap with a welcome return to form to run out an easy individual winner. Ably supported by Stan they are actually five points down standing on the 8th tee, but add a couple of 3 pointers while Nance and Mr. G can only find one. So it\'s all square at the refeshments and still all square as they stand on the 18th tee. Mr. Grumpy then chooses this moment to return from a period of exile and his par down the last snatches victory.\r\n\r\nAn example of Nance and Mr. Grumpy\'s superior teamwork comes at the 7th. After a reasonable drive Mr. G inquires of Nance \"how far is it to the brook\". \"210 yards\" comes the unlikely answer, but Mr. G, trusting in Nance\'s superior skill, fishes out the 25 degree rescue club secure in the knowledge that in the face of a stiff breeze, he can\'t possibly reach.\r\n\r\nThe result? One Duck.\r\n\r\nAnother consequence of Mr. Grumpy turning out when he should have been in bed is that the lightly-raced Cutie-Cutie now heads the table in the quest for the Jack S**t Trophy. Will go down to the wire?',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1453,'2012-03-11','2012-03-11 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-12 09:53:48',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,24,108,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1452,1,1),
(1454,'2012-03-11','2012-03-11 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-12 09:53:48',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,24,109,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1452,1,1),
(1455,'2012-03-11','2012-03-11 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-12 09:53:48',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,24,109,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1452,1,1),
(1456,'2012-03-11','2012-03-11 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-12 10:22:56',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,24,109,4,8,'The contrast couldn\'t be much clearer. Tiger, realising he now can\'t win at the Blue Monster, wimps off after 11 holes complaining of a sore leg. \r\n\r\nMeanwhile Nance has bad feet, bad ankles, chronic elbows and a suspected malignancy in the chest. (Which turns out to be a bone that everyone since Adam has possessed). In addition Mr. Grumpy has the worst case of man-flu since medical records began, but bravely they hang on to snatch a team victory from Stan and Turbo with the last putt of the match.\r\n\r\nIt\'s a benign day and scoring should have been better, but Turbo celebrates his restoration to a 30 handicap with a welcome return to form to run out an easy individual winner. Ably supported by Stan they are actually five points down standing on the 8th tee, but add a couple of 3 pointers while Nance and Mr. G can only find one. So it\'s all square at the refeshments and still all square as they stand on the 18th tee. Mr. Grumpy then chooses this moment to return from a period of exile and his par down the last snatches victory.\r\n\r\nAn example of Nance and Mr. Grumpy\'s superior teamwork comes at the 7th. After a reasonable drive Mr. G inquires of Nance \"how far is it to the brook\". \"210 yards\" comes the unlikely answer, but Mr. G, trusting in Nance\'s superior skill, fishes out the 25 degree rescue club secure in the knowledge that in the face of a stiff breeze, he can\'t possibly reach.\r\n\r\nThe result? One Duck.',1,'','',200,1452,1,1),
(1457,'2012-03-11','2012-03-11 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-12 10:25:18',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,32,33,24,109,4,8,'The contrast couldn\'t be much clearer. Tiger, realising he now can\'t win at the Blue Monster, wimps off after 11 holes complaining of a sore leg. \r\n\r\nMeanwhile Nance has bad feet, bad ankles, chronic elbows and a suspected malignancy in the chest. (Which turns out to be a bone that everyone since Adam has possessed). In addition Mr. Grumpy has the worst case of man-flu since medical records began, but bravely they hang on to snatch a team victory from Stan and Turbo with the last putt of the match.\r\n\r\nIt\'s a benign day and scoring should have been better, but Turbo celebrates his restoration to a 30 handicap with a welcome return to form to run out an easy individual winner. Ably supported by Stan they are actually five points down standing on the 8th tee, but add a couple of 3 pointers while Nance and Mr. G can only find one. So it\'s all square at the refeshments and still all square as they stand on the 18th tee. Mr. Grumpy then chooses this moment to return from a period of exile and his par down the last snatches victory.\r\n\r\nAn example of Nance and Mr. Grumpy\'s superior teamwork comes at the 7th. After a reasonable drive Mr. G inquires of Nance \"how far is it to the brook\". \"210 yards\" comes the unlikely answer, but Mr. G, trusting in Nance\'s superior skill, fishes out the 25 degree rescue club secure in the knowledge that in the face of a stiff breeze, he can\'t possibly reach.\r\n\r\nThe result? One Duck.\r\n\r\nAnother consequence of Mr. Grumpy turning out when he should have been in bed is that Cutie-Cutie now heads the table in the quest for the Jack S**t Trophy. It will go to the wire.',1,'','',200,1452,1,1),
(1458,'2012-03-18','2012-03-18 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-18 13:06:25',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,30,93,3,8,'A late cry-off from Mr. Grumpy, once again means that the participating Muffins are free of the worry of picking up the camels on the last.  Given that, today, the 5th was going to be the ultimate hole, this issue was clearly even more important.  However a modest 9 camels was all that Cutie-Cutie, Turbo and Nance could accumulate (not for the want of trying), and even Mr. Grumpy\'s retirement fund could stretch to £2.25.\r\n\r\nFairways and greens were the order of the day for Nance.    More accurately, <strong>missing</strong> fairways and <strong>missing</strong> greens.  It wasn\'t until his 10th hole did he realise that his pitch-fork was still in his bag.\r\n\r\nThe extras accumulation was miraculously disappointing.  Cutie-Cutie managed to put a bunker shot on 13 and his tee shot on 16 firmly out-of bounds, but both found their way back onto the course.  And a pair of de-ducks from Cutie-Cutie and Turbo on 4, meant that the camels were the only extras for the day.\r\n\r\nNance takes the indivdual honours for the day.  However, assuming Cutie-Cutie doesn\'t make a surprise appearance for the final match of the season, his 9 points were enough to secure the winter title and the Jack-Shit Trophy for 2011/2012.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1459,'2012-03-18','2012-03-18 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-18 12:44:34',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,33,29,93,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1458,1,1),
(1460,'2012-03-18','2012-03-18 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-18 12:44:34',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,29,92,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1458,1,1),
(1461,'2012-03-18','2012-03-18 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-18 12:44:34',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,30,93,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1458,1,1),
(1462,'2012-03-18','2012-03-18 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-18 12:44:34',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,30,93,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1458,1,1),
(1463,'2012-03-18','2012-03-18 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-18 13:04:16',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,32,30,93,3,8,'A late cry-off from Mr. Grumpy, once again means that the participating Muffins are free of the worry of picking up the camels on the last.  Given that, today, the 5th was going to be the ultimate hole, this issue was clearly even more important.  However a modest 9 camels was all that Cutie-Cutie, Turbo and Nance could accumulate (not for the want of trying), and even Mr. Grumpy\'s retirement fund could stretch to £2.25.\r\n\r\nFairways and greens were the order of the day for Nance.    More accurately, <strong><italic>missing</italic></strong> fairways and <strong><italic>missing</italic></strong> greens.  It wasn\'t until his 10th hole did he relalise that his pitch-fork was still in his bag.\r\n\r\nThe extras accumulation was miraculously disappointing.  Cutie-Cutie managed to put a bunker shot on 13 and his tee shot on 16 firmly out-of bounds, but both found their way back onto the course.  And a pair of de-ducks from Cutie-Cutie and Turbo on 4, meant that the camels were the only extras for the day.\r\n\r\nNance takes the indivdual honours for the day.  However, assuming Cutie-Cutie doesn\'t make a surprise appearance for the final match of the seasons, his 9 points were enough to secure the winter title and the Jack-Shit Trophy for 2011/2012.',1,'','',200,1458,1,1),
(1464,'2012-03-25','2012-03-25 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-03-25 18:10:07',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,36,288,8,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,1,1),
(1465,'2012-03-25','2012-03-25 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-26 06:23:00',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,38,25,126,4,8,'Just the four Muffins, but a red letter that marks the return of DJ. The toss pairs him with Mr. Grumpy and Stan with Nance on a glorious Spring morning.\r\n\r\nEarly signs of DJ\'s rehab are not encouraging as he fails to make the Ladies tee on the first, but thereafter it\'s a steady performance and an adequate return of 31 points that gets better as the round progresses. Elsewhere Stan is spending more time in the water than Rebecca Adlington, but somehow he and Nance knit together to shade the front 9 (although the computer subsequently disagrees, Mr. Grumpy having underestimated his handicap).\r\n\r\nIt\'s nip and tuck on the back 9 until the 17th when DJ and Mr. G manage to pull ahead for the first time.\r\n\r\nDJ has the decency to collect a modest total of camels.\r\n\r\nSo, the end of another Winter season sees Cutie-Cutie collect the Jack S**t Trophy and perhaps whoever is holding the said artefact in his loft, shed or, sideboard would care to bring it to the Club next week?\r\n\r\nCongrats to Cutie-Cutie.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1466,'2012-03-25','2012-03-25 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-26 06:06:37',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,38,25,126,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1465,1,1),
(1467,'2012-03-25','2012-03-25 08:00:00',23,2,67,67,'','2012-03-26 06:06:37',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,38,25,126,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1465,1,1),
(1468,'2012-04-01','2012-04-01 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-02 10:33:00',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,28,234,7,8,'Match One of Summer 2012 and the Hon. Sec. achieves a 100% turn out, albeit Tate\'s welcome return is limited to 9 holes. Nonetheless he sticks around long enough to buy all the sarnies and the coffee.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy\'s toss pairs him with Nance and Mr. Grumpy and once again Fat-Boy\'s motivational captaincy is crucial in propelling them to a narrow but clear £4 victory. Key phrases include \"you f**king wanker\" and \"you complete tosser\" such that Mr. Grumpy and Nance have no doubt it\'s their responsibility to shape up or ship out. As Nance remarks - \"not so much the man-management skills of Stuart Lancaster - more Penny Lancaster.\" Mind-you, Fat-Boy does at least have the decency to collect the camels.\r\n\r\nThe post-match drinks afford the opportunity for a settling of many weeks of back-fines. Top contributor is DJ closely followed by Turbo after which Mr. Grumpy returns home with a bulging pocket full of swag. IF there was any prospect of a Tour, the pink purse would be bulging.\r\n\r\nAfter Match One, Nance heads the table with an immaculate average of 10 and having transcribed Cutie-Cutie\'s tiny but immaculate scorecard, Mr. Grumpy is now off to Specsavers.\r\n\r\nMatch Report Supplemental:\r\n\r\nIt has just come to your correspondent\'s attention that in a change to bar tariffs, the chosen tipple of players of the pink oboe - viz. Carling Lager - has remained unchanged, whilst a man\'s drink - any bitter beer - has been increased by 5p per pint.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n ',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1469,'2012-04-01','2012-04-01 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-02 08:30:35',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,30,237,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1468,1,1),
(1470,'2012-04-01','2012-04-01 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-02 08:30:35',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,28,235,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1468,1,1),
(1471,'2012-04-01','2012-04-01 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-02 08:30:35',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,28,234,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1468,1,1),
(1472,'2012-04-01','2012-04-01 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-02 08:30:35',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,28,234,7,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1468,1,1),
(1473,'2012-04-01','2012-04-01 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-02 08:57:01',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,28,234,7,8,'Match One of Summer 2012 and the Hon. Sec. achieves a 100% turn out, albeit Tate\'s welcome return is limited to 9 holes. Nonetheless he sticks around long enough to buy all the sarnies and the coffee.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy\'s toss pairs him with Nance and Mr. Grumpy and once again Fat-Boy\'s motivational captaincy is crucial in propelling them to a narrow but clear £4 victory. Key phrases include \"you f**king wanker\" and \"you complete tosser\" such that Mr. Grumpy and Nance have no doubt it\'s their responsibility to shape up or ship out. As Nance remarks - \"not so much the man-management skills of Stuart Lancaster - more Penny Lancaster.\" Mind-you, Fat-Boy does at least have the decency to collect the camels.\r\n\r\nThe post-match drinks afford the opportunity for a settling of many weeks of back-fines. Top contributor is DJ closely followed by Turbo after which Mr. Grumpy returns home with a bulging pocket full of swag. IF there was any prospect of a Tour, the pink purse would be bulging.\r\n\r\nAfter Match One, Nance heads the table with an immaculate average of 10.\r\n\r\n ',1,'','',200,1468,1,1),
(1474,'2012-04-01','2012-04-01 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-02 08:59:53',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,39,28,234,7,8,'Match One of Summer 2012 and the Hon. Sec. achieves a 100% turn out, albeit Tate\'s welcome return is limited to 9 holes. Nonetheless he sticks around long enough to buy all the sarnies and the coffee.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy\'s toss pairs him with Nance and Mr. Grumpy and once again Fat-Boy\'s motivational captaincy is crucial in propelling them to a narrow but clear £4 victory. Key phrases include \"you f**king wanker\" and \"you complete tosser\" such that Mr. Grumpy and Nance have no doubt it\'s their responsibility to shape up or ship out. As Nance remarks - \"not so much the man-management skills of Stuart Lancaster - more Penny Lancaster.\" Mind-you, Fat-Boy does at least have the decency to collect the camels.\r\n\r\nThe post-match drinks afford the opportunity for a settling of many weeks of back-fines. Top contributor is DJ closely followed by Turbo after which Mr. Grumpy returns home with a bulging pocket full of swag. IF there was any prospect of a Tour, the pink purse would be bulging.\r\n\r\nAfter Match One, Nance heads the table with an immaculate average of 10 and having transcribed Cutie-Cutie\'s tiny but immaculate scorecard, Mr. Grumpy is now off to Specsavers.\r\n\r\n ',1,'','',200,1468,1,1),
(1475,'2012-04-08','2012-04-08 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-09 12:48:58',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,24,94,3,8,'A piss-poor turn out of only 3 Muffins, but in their defence, others had already played on both Good Friday and Easter Saturday with varying degrees of success i.e. none at all. Nance in particular was seeking the opportunity for redemption following a bleak couple of days and to phoenix-like, rise from the ashes. \r\n\r\nThus, no team match and only three individuals which looked likely to be reduced to two when a buggy arrives half-way down the 14th fairway with a message for Stan to urgently \"phone home\" much in the manner of ET.\r\n\r\nThere\'s a nervous few moments while Nance produces the mobile from which Stan can talk to Mrs Stan. \r\n\r\nNo, it\'s not Stan\'s mother who\'s suffered a collapse but \"Riley\" the family dog who\'s turned his head to the right but owing to a touch of arthritis cannot now return it to the straight ahead position.  There\'s not a lot Stan can do from this distance other than dispense sympathy and suggest that the bowl of Pedigree Chum is repositioned 90 degrees off centre. \r\n\r\nHaving already shelled out £100 in vet\'s fees earlier in the week Stan can ill-afford 10 camels, a duck and a £4 loss, but since when have the Muffins shown any level of sympathy where fines are concerned?\r\n\r\nNance heads affairs for the second week running and maintains a 100% average score and Mr. Grumpy chases him home.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1476,'2012-04-08','2012-04-08 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-09 12:25:32',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,24,94,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1475,1,1),
(1477,'2012-04-08','2012-04-08 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-09 12:25:32',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,24,94,3,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1475,1,1),
(1478,'2012-04-08','2012-04-08 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-09 12:45:57',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,35,36,24,94,3,8,'A piss-poor turn out of only 3 Muffins, but in their defence, others had already played on both Good Friday and Easter Saturday with varying degrees of success i.e. none at all. Nance in particular was seeking the opportunity for redemption following a bleak couple of days and phoenix-like, rose from the ashes. \r\n\r\nThus, no team match and only three individuals which looked likely to be reduced to two when a buggy arrives half-way down the 14th fairway with a message for Stan to \"phone home\" much in the manner of ET.\r\n\r\nThere\'s a nervous few moments while Nance produces the mobile from which Stan can talk to Mrs Stan. \r\n\r\nNo, it\'s not Stan\'s mother who\'s suffered a collapse but \"Riley\" the family dog who\'s turned his head to the right but owing to a touch of arthritis cannot now return it to the straight ahead position.  There\'s not a lot Stan can do from this distance other than dispense sympathy and suggest that the bowl of Pedigree Chum is repositioned 90 degrees off centre. \r\n\r\nHaving already shelled out £100 in vet\'s fees earlier in the week Stan can ill-afford 10 camels, a duck and a £4 loss, but since when have the Muffins shown any level of sympathy where fines are concerned?\r\n\r\nNance heads affairs for the second week running and maintains a 100% average score and Mr. Grumpy chases him home.',1,'','',200,1475,1,1),
(1479,'2012-04-15','2012-04-15 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-25 08:54:41',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,22,159,5,8,'Another morning of high drama as 6 Muffins assemble for week 3 of the Summer season. The toss pairs DJ, Turbo and Mr. Grumpy and a team blob up the first is only avoided by Turbo having a two-shotter. Then, much like Mr. Grumpy\'s horses the previous day, DJ fails to complete the second obstacle when his back goes. The screens are called for, but DJ manages to stumble off to the clubhouse and goes home for treatment.\r\n\r\nMeanwhile, following up the rear are Tate, Nance and Cutie-Cutie. Tate is a bit wayward and shrieks of \"fore\" are required on every hole - if not every shot. Nance\'s bag contains all kinds of pharmaceuticals - but not Strepsils and at one point a call to the Warwickshire Air Ambulance is considered.\r\n\r\nUp ahead Turbo in particular has got his act together and puts together an impressive run of form enabling him, with occasional contributions from Mr. Grumpy to walk away with the swag by a large margin.\r\n\r\nNance chases Turbo home for first loser spot and maintains his top of the table status. Turbo also benefits from a swingeing handicap reduction.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1480,'2012-04-15','2012-04-15 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-16 06:35:29',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,22,159,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1479,1,1),
(1481,'2012-04-15','2012-04-15 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-16 06:35:29',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,22,159,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1479,1,1),
(1482,'2012-04-15','2012-04-15 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-16 06:35:29',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,22,159,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1479,1,1),
(1483,'2012-04-15','2012-04-15 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-16 06:35:29',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,22,159,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1479,1,1),
(1484,'2012-04-15','2012-04-15 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-16 06:35:29',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,22,159,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1479,1,1),
(1485,'2012-04-15','2012-04-15 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-16 06:59:02',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,22,159,5,8,'Another morning of high drama as 6 Muffins assemble for week 3 of the Summer season. The toss pairs DJ, Turbo and Mr. Grumpy and a team blob up the first is only afforded by Turbo having a two-shotter. Then, much like Mr. Grumpy\'s horses the previous day, DJ fails to complete the second obstacle when his back goes. The screens are called for, but DJ manages to stumble off to the clubhouse and goes home for treatment.\r\n\r\nMeanwhile, following up the rear are Tate, Nance and Cutie-Cutie. Tate is a bit wayward and shrieks of \"fore\" are required on every hole - if not every shot. Nance\'s bag contains all kinds of pharmaceuticals - but not Strepsils and at one point a call to the Warwickshire Air Ambulance is considered.\r\n\r\nUp ahead Turbo in particular has got his act together and puts together an impressive run of form enanbling him, with occasional contributions from Mr. Grumpy to walk away with the swag by a large margin.\r\n\r\nNance chases Turbo home for first loser spot and maintains his top of the table status.',1,'','',200,1479,1,1),
(1486,'2012-04-22','2012-04-22 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-23 18:04:24',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,37,28,189,6,8,'Form is temporary, class is permanent.  Time will tell if Turbo\'s winning streak is the former, or the latter.  Nevertheless, a couple of 10 pointers on the bounce is the sort of form for which Alan Pardue is famous.\r\nTerry Connor on the other hand, seems to have been coaching DJ and Tate, and their relegation form is plain for all to see.  Now both will claim that they are returning from long-term injury - knee in one case, brain in the other - though it is uncertain as to which ailment applies to whom.\r\nTurbos individual success was only good enough to win the overall match, with each nine being shared.  Support from Tate and Stan was variable at best.  For the opponents, Fat-Boy was primarily responsible for making a game of it - neither Nance nor DJ made a significant contribution.  \r\nFat-Boy\'s steady performance was noticeably interrupted on the 14th.  A beautifully struck 5 iron approach was still rising when it passed over the scout hut some 50 yards out of bounds. The \"provisional\" went the same way - a magnificent pair of BOOBs - something often said of the Fat-Boy.  The \"provisional-provisional\" was marginally better, nevertheless a mammae erraticae was the end-result - probably a first, even for Muffins.  We doubt there\'ll be any takers to seek to verify the location the 3rd-nipple, however.  Fat-Boy finally overcame his tin-cup moment by hitting his 4th attempt fat - maybe he should have tried that in the first place.  A similar strategy was adopted by DJ on the 18th - when attempting a 150 yards approach to the top of the hill, DJ elected to take driver rather than 8-iron - his strategy being that he would hit it fat, albeit straight.  Spot-on as it turned out - if only those on the tour could predict a shot and execute it with such confidence, then success would be assured.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1487,'2012-04-22','2012-04-22 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-22 15:02:58',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,37,28,189,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1486,1,1),
(1488,'2012-04-22','2012-04-22 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-22 15:02:58',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,37,28,189,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1486,1,1),
(1489,'2012-04-22','2012-04-22 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-22 15:02:58',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,37,28,189,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1486,1,1),
(1490,'2012-04-29','2012-04-29 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-29 11:47:03',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'Only 3 Muffins accept DJ\'s kind invitation and on Saturday night the portents are not good as the BBC weather chappie describes the wettest drought the UK has experienced since records began.\r\n\r\nA flurry of texts twixt Turbo, Cutie-Cutie and Mr. Grumpy at 07:30 hours confirms the worst and that no one has the bottle to venture forth. So, is this a first? Aside from snow has the weather ever emerged triumphant before? Are the Muffins becoming a load of big jessies?\r\n\r\nAnswers on a postcard please........',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1491,'2012-04-29','2012-04-29 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-29 11:41:10',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1490,1,1),
(1492,'2012-05-06','2012-05-06 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-25 08:53:51',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,32,30,123,4,8,'Squeaky-bum time down at Villa Park which enforces the absence of the Villa boys and Cutie-Cutie is in a post Cup Final slump so it\'s just the four Muffins this week. The popular pairing of Fat-Boy and Stan is resumed, leaving Nance and Mr. Grumpy to squabble their way round.\r\n\r\nNot a lot of controversy in what proves to be a relatively comfortable victory for the latter pairing and an expensive day for Fat-Boy who collects the camels, a duck, loses £4 on the match and stumps up for a hefty backlog of past fines. Individually there\'s not much in it and Mr. Grumpy shades Nance by a point with Stan and Fat-Boy a further point adrift.\r\n\r\nElsewhere it\'s noteworthy that Edward Munch\'s portrait \"The Scream\" fetches a staggering £74 million at auction. Anyone playing golf with Tate can get the same look 20 times a round for free.\r\n\r\nAlso it\'s rumoured that the web meister is undertaking a total revamp of the web site so excitement is mounting for the imminent re-launch. Apparently last minute adjustments are required to make it \"idiot-proof\". Your correspondent is unsure what this means.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1493,'2012-05-06','2012-05-06 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-07 08:30:10',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,34,30,127,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1492,1,1),
(1494,'2012-05-06','2012-05-06 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-07 08:30:10',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,32,30,123,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1492,1,1),
(1495,'2012-05-06','2012-05-06 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-07 08:30:10',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,32,30,123,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1492,1,1),
(1496,'2012-05-06','2012-05-06 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-07 08:30:10',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,32,30,123,4,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1492,1,1),
(1497,'2012-05-06','2012-05-06 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-07 08:48:38',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,32,30,123,4,8,'Squeaky-bum time down at Villa Park which enforces the absence of the Villa boys and Cutie-Cutie is in a post Cup Final slump so it\'s just the four Muffins this week. The popular pairing of Fat-Boy and Stan is resumed, leaving Nance and Mr. Grumpy to squabble their way round.\r\n\r\nNot a lot of controversy in what proves to be a relatively comfortable victory for the latter pairing and an expensive day for Fat-Boy who collects the camels, a duck, loses £4 on the match and stumps up for a hefty backlog of past fines. Individually there\'s not much in it and Mr. Grumpy shades Nance by a point with Stan and Fat-Boy a further point adrift.\r\n\r\nElsewhere it\'s noteworthy that Edward Munch\'s portrait \"The Scream\" fetches a staggering £74 million at auction. Anyone playing golf with Tate can get the same sort of effect going for them about 20 times a round.\r\n\r\nAlso it\'s rumoured that the web meister is undertaking a total revamp of the web site so excitement is mounting for the imminent re-launch. Apparently last minute adjustments are required to make it \"idiot-proof\". Your correspondent is unsure what this means.',1,'','',200,1492,1,1),
(1498,'2012-05-13','2012-05-13 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-13 15:02:30',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,33,21,145,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1499,'2012-05-13','2012-05-13 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-13 15:02:18',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1498,1,1),
(1500,'2012-05-13','2012-05-13 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-13 15:02:30',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,33,21,145,5,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1498,1,1),
(1501,'2012-05-20','2012-05-20 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-20 13:39:45',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,38,21,123,4,8,'Unusually, Stan is an absentee, taking a break from the Muffins match for a day\'s dogging.  And, with it being a non-Cutie-Cutie week and with Mr. Grumpy and Turbo keeping the Muffins end up in the OGC Summer 4-ball, it was down to a traditional 4-ball. \r\n\r\nTate\'s opening tee shot was a sign of things to come.  Missing the fairway to the right of the 18th from the 1st tee was not the start his partner, Nance, was looking for.  The opposition, made up of Fat-Boy and DJ, were rubbing their hands with glee.\r\n\r\nSome time later, Tate was playing his approach to the first green.  Loud cries of \"sit\" followed, indicating either a flyer from the rough, or maybe he was using a 3-iron from 50 yards.  It became apparent, a few holes later, that Tate wasn\'t shouting \"sit\", but that he\'d developed a speech impediment, and was unable to pronounce his \"h\"\'s.\r\n\r\nIt was fortunate that Nance had brought a semblance of a golf game with him, and as a result, Nance and Tate were able to take a 2 shot lead into the sandwiches.\r\n\r\nThere was doubt as to whether Tate would last the full 18.  A Mr.Grumpy-like retirement was thought likely on 13 after Tate managed to pull his tee shot into the middle of a fir tree.  However, un-Grumpy-like, Tate decided to persevere for the final 5 holes.\r\n\r\nAnd it was during the final 5 holes, on the 16th, that Tate found his golf game once again (albeit, as it turns out, temporarily).    A drive and 3 wood to the green, 2 putts later for a 4 nett 2 and 4 points looked like cementing victory of both 9\'s for the good guys.  However, it was not to be, with DJ and Fat-Boy fabricating a late recovery to halve the back 9, and thus limiting the financial impact.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy, feeling flush from his recent OGC draw winnings, clearly wanted to share his good luck with the other Muffins.  So, generously, he picks up the camels on 17, and decides to put a provisional into the brook on 18 for good measure.\r\n\r\nNance completes a decent performance with a gross 73 for 38 points.  We may not see Tate for some time, however - another temporary retirement involving multiple trips to the driving range, should be anticipated.\r\n\r\nIn a parallel universe, somewhere, Mr. Grumpy and Turbo are victorious on the 1st round of the Summer 3-ball, beating Hanksy (without Big-Man) 4 and 3.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1502,'2012-05-20','2012-05-20 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-20 12:38:34',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1501,1,1),
(1503,'2012-05-20','2012-05-20 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-20 12:39:50',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,0,0,0,0,0,8,'Tates opening tee shot was a sign of things to come.  Missing the fairway to the right of the 18th from the 1st tee was not the start his partner, Nance was looking for.  The opposition, made up of Fat-Boy and DJ, were rubbing their hands with glee.\r\n\r\nSome time later, Tate was playing his approach to the first green.  Loud cries of \"sit\" followed, indicating either a flyer from the rough, or maybe he was using a 3-iron from 50 yards.  It became apparent, a few holes later, that Tate wasn\'t shouting \"sit\", but that he\'d developed a speech impedement, and was unable to pronouce his \"h\"\'s.\r\n\r\nIt was fortunate that Nance had brought a semblence of a golf game with him, and as a result, Nance and Tate were able to atake a xx shot lead into the sandwiches.\r\n\r\nThere was doubt as to whether Tate would last the full 18.  A Mr.Grumpy-like retirement was thought likely on 13 after Tate managed to pull his tee shot into the middle of a fir tree.  However un-Grumpy-like, Tate decided to persevere for the final 5 holes.\r\nAnd it was on the final 5 holes that Tate found his golf game once again.  A drive and 3 wood to the green, 2 putts later for a 4 nett 2 and 4 points looked like cementing victory of both 9\'s for the good guys.  However, it was not to be, with DJ and Fat-Boy fabricating a late recovery to halve the back 9, and thus limiting the financial impact.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy, feeling flush from his recent OGC draw winnings, clearly wanted to share his good luck with the other Muffins.  So, generously, he picks up the camels on 17, and decicdes to put a provisinoal into the brook on 18 for good measure.\r\n\r\nNance completes a decent performance with a gross 73 for 38 points.  We may not see Tate for some time, homever, another temporary retirement involving multipel trips to the driving range, should be anticipated.\r\n\r\nIn a parallel universe, somewhere, Mr. Grumpy and Turbo are victorious on the 1st round of the Summer 3-ball, beating Hanksy (without Big-Man) 4 and 3.',1,'','',200,1501,1,1),
(1504,'2012-05-20','2012-05-20 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-20 12:41:53',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,38,22,124,4,8,'Tate\'s opening tee shot was a sign of things to come.  Missing the fairway to the right of the 18th from the 1st tee was not the start his partner, Nance, was looking for.  The opposition, made up of Fat-Boy and DJ, were rubbing their hands with glee.\r\n\r\nSome time later, Tate was playing his approach to the first green.  Loud cries of \"sit\" followed, indicating either a flyer from the rough, or maybe he was using a 3-iron from 50 yards.  It became apparent, a few holes later, that Tate wasn\'t shouting \"sit\", but that he\'d developed a speech impediment, and was unable to pronounce his \"h\"\'s.\r\n\r\nIt was fortunate that Nance had brought a semblance of a golf game with him, and as a result, Nance and Tate were able to take a 3 shot lead into the sandwiches.\r\n\r\nThere was doubt as to whether Tate would last the full 18.  A Mr.Grumpy-like retirement was thought likely on 13 after Tate managed to pull his tee shot into the middle of a fir tree.  However, un-Grumpy-like, Tate decided to persevere for the final 5 holes.\r\n\r\nAnd it was on the final 5 holes that Tate found his golf game once again.  A drive and 3 wood to the green, 2 putts later for a 4 nett 2 and 4 points looked like cementing victory of both 9\'s for the good guys.  However, it was not to be, with DJ and Fat-Boy fabricating a late recovery to halve the back 9, and thus limiting the financial impact.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy, feeling flush from his recent OGC draw winnings, clearly wanted to share his good luck with the other Muffins.  So, generously, he picks up the camels on 17, and decides to put a provisional into the brook on 18 for good measure.\r\n\r\nNance completes a decent performance with a gross 73 for 38 points.  We may not see Tate for some time, however - another temporary retirement involving multiple trips to the driving range, should be anticipated.\r\n\r\nIn a parallel universe, somewhere, Mr. Grumpy and Turbo are victorious on the 1st round of the Summer 3-ball, beating Hanksy (without Big-Man) 4 and 3.',1,'','',200,1501,1,1),
(1505,'2012-05-20','2012-05-20 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-20 12:41:53',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,38,21,123,4,8,'Tate\'s opening tee shot was a sign of things to come.  Missing the fairway to the right of the 18th from the 1st tee was not the start his partner, Nance, was looking for.  The opposition, made up of Fat-Boy and DJ, were rubbing their hands with glee.\r\n\r\nSome time later, Tate was playing his approach to the first green.  Loud cries of \"sit\" followed, indicating either a flyer from the rough, or maybe he was using a 3-iron from 50 yards.  It became apparent, a few holes later, that Tate wasn\'t shouting \"sit\", but that he\'d developed a speech impediment, and was unable to pronounce his \"h\"\'s.\r\n\r\nIt was fortunate that Nance had brought a semblance of a golf game with him, and as a result, Nance and Tate were able to take a 3 shot lead into the sandwiches.\r\n\r\nThere was doubt as to whether Tate would last the full 18.  A Mr.Grumpy-like retirement was thought likely on 13 after Tate managed to pull his tee shot into the middle of a fir tree.  However, un-Grumpy-like, Tate decided to persevere for the final 5 holes.\r\n\r\nAnd it was on the final 5 holes that Tate found his golf game once again.  A drive and 3 wood to the green, 2 putts later for a 4 nett 2 and 4 points looked like cementing victory of both 9\'s for the good guys.  However, it was not to be, with DJ and Fat-Boy fabricating a late recovery to halve the back 9, and thus limiting the financial impact.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy, feeling flush from his recent OGC draw winnings, clearly wanted to share his good luck with the other Muffins.  So, generously, he picks up the camels on 17, and decides to put a provisional into the brook on 18 for good measure.\r\n\r\nNance completes a decent performance with a gross 73 for 38 points.  We may not see Tate for some time, however - another temporary retirement involving multiple trips to the driving range, should be anticipated.\r\n\r\nIn a parallel universe, somewhere, Mr. Grumpy and Turbo are victorious on the 1st round of the Summer 3-ball, beating Hanksy (without Big-Man) 4 and 3.',1,'','',200,1501,1,1),
(1506,'2012-05-20','2012-05-20 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-20 12:41:53',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,38,21,123,4,8,'Tate\'s opening tee shot was a sign of things to come.  Missing the fairway to the right of the 18th from the 1st tee was not the start his partner, Nance, was looking for.  The opposition, made up of Fat-Boy and DJ, were rubbing their hands with glee.\r\n\r\nSome time later, Tate was playing his approach to the first green.  Loud cries of \"sit\" followed, indicating either a flyer from the rough, or maybe he was using a 3-iron from 50 yards.  It became apparent, a few holes later, that Tate wasn\'t shouting \"sit\", but that he\'d developed a speech impediment, and was unable to pronounce his \"h\"\'s.\r\n\r\nIt was fortunate that Nance had brought a semblance of a golf game with him, and as a result, Nance and Tate were able to take a 3 shot lead into the sandwiches.\r\n\r\nThere was doubt as to whether Tate would last the full 18.  A Mr.Grumpy-like retirement was thought likely on 13 after Tate managed to pull his tee shot into the middle of a fir tree.  However, un-Grumpy-like, Tate decided to persevere for the final 5 holes.\r\n\r\nAnd it was on the final 5 holes that Tate found his golf game once again.  A drive and 3 wood to the green, 2 putts later for a 4 nett 2 and 4 points looked like cementing victory of both 9\'s for the good guys.  However, it was not to be, with DJ and Fat-Boy fabricating a late recovery to halve the back 9, and thus limiting the financial impact.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy, feeling flush from his recent OGC draw winnings, clearly wanted to share his good luck with the other Muffins.  So, generously, he picks up the camels on 17, and decides to put a provisional into the brook on 18 for good measure.\r\n\r\nNance completes a decent performance with a gross 73 for 38 points.  We may not see Tate for some time, however - another temporary retirement involving multiple trips to the driving range, should be anticipated.\r\n\r\nIn a parallel universe, somewhere, Mr. Grumpy and Turbo are victorious on the 1st round of the Summer 3-ball, beating Hanksy (without Big-Man) 4 and 3.',1,'','',200,1501,1,1),
(1507,'2012-05-20','2012-05-20 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-20 13:30:19',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,38,21,123,4,8,'Unusually, Stan is an absentee, taking a break from the Muffins match for a day\'s dogging.  And, with it being a non-Cutie-Cutie week and with Mr. Grumpy and Turbo keeping the Muffins end up in the OGC Summer 4-ball, it was down to a traditional 4-ball. \r\n\r\nTate\'s opening tee shot was a sign of things to come.  Missing the fairway to the right of the 18th from the 1st tee was not the start his partner, Nance, was looking for.  The opposition, made up of Fat-Boy and DJ, were rubbing their hands with glee.\r\n\r\nSome time later, Tate was playing his approach to the first green.  Loud cries of \"sit\" followed, indicating either a flyer from the rough, or maybe he was using a 3-iron from 50 yards.  It became apparent, a few holes later, that Tate wasn\'t shouting \"sit\", but that he\'d developed a speech impediment, and was unable to pronounce his \"h\"\'s.\r\n\r\nIt was fortunate that Nance had brought a semblance of a golf game with him, and as a result, Nance and Tate were able to take a 3 shot lead into the sandwiches.\r\n\r\nThere was doubt as to whether Tate would last the full 18.  A Mr.Grumpy-like retirement was thought likely on 13 after Tate managed to pull his tee shot into the middle of a fir tree.  However, un-Grumpy-like, Tate decided to persevere for the final 5 holes.\r\n\r\nAnd it was on the final 5 holes that Tate found his golf game once again.  A drive and 3 wood to the green, 2 putts later for a 4 nett 2 and 4 points looked like cementing victory of both 9\'s for the good guys.  However, it was not to be, with DJ and Fat-Boy fabricating a late recovery to halve the back 9, and thus limiting the financial impact.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy, feeling flush from his recent OGC draw winnings, clearly wanted to share his good luck with the other Muffins.  So, generously, he picks up the camels on 17, and decides to put a provisional into the brook on 18 for good measure.\r\n\r\nNance completes a decent performance with a gross 73 for 38 points.  We may not see Tate for some time, however - another temporary retirement involving multiple trips to the driving range, should be anticipated.\r\n\r\nIn a parallel universe, somewhere, Mr. Grumpy and Turbo are victorious on the 1st round of the Summer 3-ball, beating Hanksy (without Big-Man) 4 and 3.',1,'','',200,1501,1,1),
(1508,'2012-05-20','2012-05-20 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-20 13:31:19',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,38,21,123,4,8,'Unusually, Stan is an absentee, taking a break from the Muffins match for a day\'s dogging.  And, with it being a non-Cutie-Cutie week and with Mr. Grumpy and Turbo keeping the Muffins end up in the OGC Summer 4-ball, it was down to a traditional 4-ball. \r\n\r\nTate\'s opening tee shot was a sign of things to come.  Missing the fairway to the right of the 18th from the 1st tee was not the start his partner, Nance, was looking for.  The opposition, made up of Fat-Boy and DJ, were rubbing their hands with glee.\r\n\r\nSome time later, Tate was playing his approach to the first green.  Loud cries of \"sit\" followed, indicating either a flyer from the rough, or maybe he was using a 3-iron from 50 yards.  It became apparent, a few holes later, that Tate wasn\'t shouting \"sit\", but that he\'d developed a speech impediment, and was unable to pronounce his \"h\"\'s.\r\n\r\nIt was fortunate that Nance had brought a semblance of a golf game with him, and as a result, Nance and Tate were able to take a 2 shot lead into the sandwiches.\r\n\r\nThere was doubt as to whether Tate would last the full 18.  A Mr.Grumpy-like retirement was thought likely on 13 after Tate managed to pull his tee shot into the middle of a fir tree.  However, un-Grumpy-like, Tate decided to persevere for the final 5 holes.\r\n\r\nAnd it was on the final 5 holes that Tate found his golf game once again.  A drive and 3 wood to the green, 2 putts later for a 4 nett 2 and 4 points looked like cementing victory of both 9\'s for the good guys.  However, it was not to be, with DJ and Fat-Boy fabricating a late recovery to halve the back 9, and thus limiting the financial impact.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy, feeling flush from his recent OGC draw winnings, clearly wanted to share his good luck with the other Muffins.  So, generously, he picks up the camels on 17, and decides to put a provisional into the brook on 18 for good measure.\r\n\r\nNance completes a decent performance with a gross 73 for 38 points.  We may not see Tate for some time, however - another temporary retirement involving multiple trips to the driving range, should be anticipated.\r\n\r\nIn a parallel universe, somewhere, Mr. Grumpy and Turbo are victorious on the 1st round of the Summer 3-ball, beating Hanksy (without Big-Man) 4 and 3.',1,'','',200,1501,1,1),
(1509,'2012-05-06','2012-05-06 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-07 08:53:05',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,32,30,123,4,8,'Squeaky-bum time down at Villa Park which enforces the absence of the Villa boys and Cutie-Cutie is in a post Cup Final slump so it\'s just the four Muffins this week. The popular pairing of Fat-Boy and Stan is resumed, leaving Nance and Mr. Grumpy to squabble their way round.\r\n\r\nNot a lot of controversy in what proves to be a relatively comfortable victory for the latter pairing and an expensive day for Fat-Boy who collects the camels, a duck, loses £4 on the match and stumps up for a hefty backlog of past fines. Individually there\'s not much in it and Mr. Grumpy shades Nance by a point with Stan and Fat-Boy a further point adrift.\r\n\r\nElsewhere it\'s noteworthy that Edward Munch\'s portrait \"The Scream\" fetches a staggering £74 million at auction. Anyone playing golf with Tate can get the same sort of effect going for them for free about 20 times a round.\r\n\r\nAlso it\'s rumoured that the web meister is undertaking a total revamp of the web site so excitement is mounting for the imminent re-launch. Apparently last minute adjustments are required to make it \"idiot-proof\". Your correspondent is unsure what this means.',1,'','',200,1492,1,1),
(1510,'2012-04-15','2012-04-15 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-04-16 07:02:12',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,34,40,22,159,5,8,'Another morning of high drama as 6 Muffins assemble for week 3 of the Summer season. The toss pairs DJ, Turbo and Mr. Grumpy and a team blob up the first is only afforded by Turbo having a two-shotter. Then, much like Mr. Grumpy\'s horses the previous day, DJ fails to complete the second obstacle when his back goes. The screens are called for, but DJ manages to stumble off to the clubhouse and goes home for treatment.\r\n\r\nMeanwhile, following up the rear are Tate, Nance and Cutie-Cutie. Tate is a bit wayward and shrieks of \"fore\" are required on every hole - if not every shot. Nance\'s bag contains all kinds of pharmaceuticals - but not Strepsils and at one point a call to the Warwickshire Air Ambulance is considered.\r\n\r\nUp ahead Turbo in particular has got his act together and puts together an impressive run of form enabling him, with occasional contributions from Mr. Grumpy to walk away with the swag by a large margin.\r\n\r\nNance chases Turbo home for first loser spot and maintains his top of the table status. Turbo also benefits from a swingeing handicap reduction.',1,'','',200,1479,1,1),
(1511,'2012-05-27','2012-05-27 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-06-02 19:18:52',1,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,27,182,6,8,'Summer finally arrives with tempratures in the mid-80\'s for the second day running.  Fat-Boy and Nance are surprise attendees for this weeks Muffins soiree, having both competed in similar tempratures the day before in the Birkett Barker Shield - when Fat-Boy having achieved a top 10 finish.  Nance, however recorded scores of 81 and 91, a sequence which he was looking to break.  Turbo and Mr. Grumpy are absentees, choosing to take part in the annual Stubbins golf day.\r\n\r\nFat-Boy ropes in his next door neighbour, Wayne, as a guest for the day - the opening introductions include very clear instructions to Wayne to pick up as many extras as possible, in order for Fat-Boy to pick them up by proxy.  Instructions which were clearly taken in, but more of this later.\r\n\r\nFat-Boys toss is surprisingly uncontroversial, though it does alloow him to keep a close eye on Wayne, and to offer him suitable advice at every \"extra-opportunity\".  Nance made up the 3-ball, leaving Tate, DJ, Stan and Cutie-Cutie to \"come up the rear\".\r\n\r\nWaynes start seem to flatter to decieve, although the wheels did come off as early as the 3rd, with the first of Fat-Boys \"extras-by-proxy\" in the ditch to the the left. Little further of note on the front 9, with the 3-ball shaving it by 2 points at the sandwiches.\r\n\r\nTate\'s game was, as it turns out incorrectly, once again off the boil, and the usual shouts of \"fore!\" continues to ring out aorund OGC. Typical was an approach to the 12th green from the greenside bunker on the 13th, over the heads of Nance, Fat-Boy and Wayne.\r\n\r\nThe back-nine proved to be a bit expensive for Fat-Boy.  His 2nd \"extra-by-proxy\" followed a wayward drive on 14, and the third a hooked drive on 16 which may have ended up in a front garden on Links Drive.  However it was on 16 when Fat-Boy was thankful of his recent wins on the OGC draw.  3 conseqcutive drives out-of-bounds added up to an unprecedented haul of 6 \"boob-by-proxies\" for the Fat-Boy.  Fat-Boy himself decided to add to his haul by picking up a duck no 18.\r\n\r\nFortunately for Fat-Boy, Nance picked up the camels for the 3-ball, and Stan for the 4-ball.\r\nLast week, we were forecasting that Tate would be in retirement by now, however 7 days is a long time in golf, and this week he picks up 37 points for the individual win.  \r\n\r\nNance\'s zero points forces him down a spot in the race for the Girlie-Bunt trophy, and Mr. Grumpy will be happy (surely not) to see his absence rocket himself to the top of the pile.',1,'','',200,0,0,1),
(1512,'2012-05-27','2012-05-27 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-27 13:15:34',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,26,181,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1511,1,1),
(1513,'2012-05-27','2012-05-27 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-27 13:15:34',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,27,182,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1511,1,1),
(1514,'2012-05-27','2012-05-27 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,'','2012-05-27 13:15:34',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',0,33,37,27,182,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,'','',200,1511,1,1),
(1532,'2012-06-03','2012-06-03 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,null,'2012-06-03 20:15:54',2,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',null,34,34,25,186,6,8,'Never mind the River Thames. OGC has more than enough water to float a thousand boats as just the six intrepid Muffins defy common sense in order to paddle around 18 holes.\n\nNance has two attempts at a successful toss and selects Tate and David \"no gloves\" Harding as his partners. Turbo, Stan and Mr. Grumpy follow in their wake (literally) as the rain teems down. There\'s not even the comfort of a bacon sandwich as Trevor and Tracey can\'t be arsed to fire up the hotplate for so few customers. Fortunately Stan rummages deep in his golf bag on the 10th tee and unearths three antique Kit Kats that have a dramatic impact on Turbo\'s golf as he turns a dispiriting 11 points on the front into an exceptional 19 points coming home.\n\nStan\'s also having a good day even, without resorting to the \"marigold\" washing up gloves for extra grip and with some bits and pieces from Mr. Grumpy it\'s enough for a team win with the two nines halved. Mind you, for those playing in glasses such as the Grumpster the whole experience was like playing with cataracts and thus useful practice for the inevitable.\n\nIndividually DJ is at the head of affairs while Nance\'s quest for some semblance of his former glories goes on. However, the real winners must be Fat-Boy who enjoyed some much better weather north of the border and Cutie-Cutie who presumably just stayed in bed.',1,null,null,200,null,null,1),
(1533,'2012-06-03','2012-06-03 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,null,'2012-06-03 15:00:20',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',null,32,0,0,0,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,null,null,200,1532,1,1),
(1534,'2012-06-03','2012-06-03 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,null,'2012-06-03 15:00:20',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',null,32,0,0,0,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,null,null,200,1532,1,1),
(1535,'2012-06-03','2012-06-03 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,null,'2012-06-03 15:00:20',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',null,34,34,25,185,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,null,null,200,1532,1,1),
(1536,'2012-06-03','2012-06-03 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,null,'2012-06-03 15:00:20',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',null,34,34,25,186,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,null,null,200,1532,1,1),
(1537,'2012-06-03','2012-06-03 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,null,'2012-06-03 15:00:20',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',null,34,34,25,186,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,null,null,200,1532,1,1),
(1538,'2012-06-03','2012-06-03 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,null,'2012-06-03 15:00:20',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',null,34,34,25,186,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,null,null,200,1532,1,1),
(1539,'2012-06-03','2012-06-03 08:00:00',24,2,67,67,null,'2012-06-03 15:00:20',3,'1900-01-01 00:00:00',null,34,34,25,186,6,8,'The match report will appear here very soon, please watch this space...',1,null,null,200,1532,1,1);

