Aston Villa's boring 0-0 draw with The Hammers takes away 3 Muffins, Fat-Boy is in Scotland and Cutie-Cutie has a bad back so only Nance, Brett and Mr. Grumpy appear on an OGC course that is barely playable. Dave and Jean decide not to put in an appearance either so there is precious liitle to celebrate other than a gentle walk to re-familiarise oneself with the course layout.

The light relief is provided by Brett's tale of how he now owns the most expensive chicken in the world. It transpires that a pair of greyhounds belonging to some friends decided to attack one of Brett's poultry. In doing so they rip away the parson's nose and enough flesh to make a decent korma but fail to kill it. Instead of reaching for the Paxo Sage and Onion, Brett is told by Katie that if he doesn't save the chicken she'll never forgive him thus forcing a trip to the vet.

With the aid of superglue and a large cheque the vet glues the chicken's arse back on and it is now recovering. It is so traumatised it is unlikely to lay eggs and anyway so ugly that the cockerel is unlikely to shag it. The glue is not thought likely to enhance either it's flavour or carvability when it eventually snuffs it.

Further bulletins as to the chicken's health will be available weekly.