It's Turbo's 21,915th day on earth and by way of celebration he foots the bill for the half-time refreshments whch is about the only highlight on a day where it's bollock-freezingly cold and the scoring is as low as a snake's arse.

Your correspondent can't recall who conducted the toss, but it results in a potentially dream 3-ball of Cutie-Cutie, DJ and Nance versus a 4-ball in which Mr. Grumpy is, unusually and even uniquely, the "low-man".

Tate's chip-in for a gross 4 on the 1st promises much, but it's a false dawn although at the sandwiches it's revealed that the 3-ball's potential has not been realised and that their combined score barely even matches that of the Grumpster on his own.

The back 9 continues in similar vein although DJ pulls himself together, he gets scant support from his compadres. Nance fails to achieve double figures on either 9 and it's clear that the new set of clubs can't come soon enough.

So Mr. Grumpy takes the ten Muffin points on offer and Tate and Cutie-Cutie take the camels which, along with a couple of ducks from Stan swell the fines kitty.