Despite more soup and sandwiches, Tate's had enough. If Mr. Grumpy had offered him a half then there would have been no more golf, but Mr. G is happy to reduce his inside leg measurement by another couple of centimetres so there's no way out. The last toss of tour sends out Nance, Fat-Boy and Mr. Grumpy first into a wind which, if anything has now strengthened.

It's tough, but at least the boys know their way round and can smile into the face of adversity. The 5th is a brute, 470 yards or so into the gale. Fat-Boy hits 3 drivers and holes a long putt for a far from routine par 4. The 6th is a shortish par 3. Nance and Fat-Boy hit the green, but for the second time in the day Mr. Grumpy decides that a possible route lies in bouncing the ball off the wall of the house well to the left of the green. It's a far from perfect strategy, but one that's also adopted by Tate, Big-Dave and DJ unfortunately as the front three are standing on the tee in front of it.

Three shouts of "fore left" have them hitting the floor three times as bits of brickwork pepper the immediate area.

The back 9 is tough, there's not a lot of quality, more a lot of hanging on for grim death and the fines total climbs courtesy of OOBs and some useful duck action around the 16th and 18th. Sore throats from constant shouts of "fore" are the only certainty. In the event Fat-Boy claims a second victory of the day and the 9's and indeed the match are halved. Nance's 30 points is hard-earned and credit-worthy given the circumstances and his handicap.

The final analysis reveals DJ as a worthy Tour Champion courtesy of steady performances throughout, although it's worth noting that he contributes £13.50 in camels (50!) and on the only two rounds he was virgin is this respect, weighed in with £4 worth of ducks. His fines total are only exceeded by Big-Dave who suffered from courses not being big enough to contain his wayward strikes.

With a vote of thanks to Nance for organising the golf and to Moray for the accommodation, all thoughts turn to the West Country for Muffins 2010. 