It's been sometime since there was a full complement of Muffins and this week is no exception. It's a Cutie-Cutie week off, DJ has a bad back, Turbo is still in Portugal and Fat-Boy is away at a wedding somewhere that will probably include at least a couple of visits to Salmon Canyon. 

(Portugal it should be noted is England's oldest ally, a peace treaty - still in force - having been signed in the 1380's. This may change as a result of Turbo's visit).

Mr. Grumpy is back from Valhalla, but with a trick Paul Daniels would have paid money for, the cashmere sweaters have miraculously been turned into ball markers.

Nance self selects himself as deputy tosser and throws the 4 balls up on the 3rd tee such that three of them nearly finish in the stream. The outcome is that Tate and Mr. Grumpy will play Brett and Nance - who will obviously bicker throughout. After 4 holes Tate discards his top to reveal his alter-ego, Professor Plum, armed with the square driver but, unfortunately nearer the conservatory than the fairway. Still, early controversy belongs to Nance who contrives to ping the Ladies locker room door with his opening tee shot. And by the 7th Brett is so disgusted with himself that after hitting a sand-wedge square into sand from 40 yards, he drop-kicks his golf bag.

With Mr. Grumpy finding a rare streak of form, he and Tate are building an unassailable lead. And so it proves. Nance and Brett are humbled 47 points to 41 and lose both nines and the £4. When Mr. Grumpy falters over the last 4 holes, Tate steps up in a excellent demonstration of teamwork, whilst the Bicker Twins continue to emulate Woods and Mickelson.

Mr. Grumpy's 36 points is enough to take the individual spoils but somewhat ruins his morning by blobbing 3 of the last 4 and collecting 13 camels and an OOB. (Three of the camels being contributed by Brett on one hole, including a swat at a moving ball). Nance adds a duck to an OOB, Brett also has a duck but Tate, to his relief, is fine-free.

Mr. Grumpy's Guide to ZEN - No. 2

"Before you criticise someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you are a mile away - and you have their shoes". 