It's the Sunday of the Ashes Test at Edgbaston and amid all the rain that's trying to spare Australia another humiliation, there's a single dry day. There's no Cutie-Cutie, Tate seems to have been in South Africa longer than Mandela and Brett is on a camping holday in somewhere called Mablethorpe that sounds like it's twinned with Chernobyl.

So it's an awkward 5-ball on the 6th tee that Fat-Boy segregates into himself, Nance and DJ versus Turbo and Mr. Grumpy - not a productive pairing as it transpires.

DJ is not a happy bunny. In monsoon conditions on the previous day he's carded a nett 65 in the Div 1a-1b Medal only to find that it's been declared non-qualifying as he walks from the 18th green. He doesn't even collect a ball for his 2! Apparently the ruling comes from the Chairman of Green's, a Mr Ian Phipps, who's had a crap score.

And talking of crap score that's exactly what Turbo and Mr. Grumpy deliver to lose comprehensively and hand over £4 each. The only light relief is provided by Fat-Boy who bends over to inspect some suspected fox shit on the 14th tee only to rip his trousers open from front to back. It's a well known fact that Fat-Boy's arse crack is not included in the popular publication "1001 Things to See Before You Die" - but no one is spared.

Nance picks up 19 camels.