"In the bleak mid-winter 

Frosty wind made moan 

Earth was hard as iron 

Water like a stone............" 

Well Sunday 23rd December wasn't quite that bad, but a frosty, fresh morning sees 6 Muffins heading down Mirfield Road for week 6 of the winter competition. Some sort of virus has laid out DJ and Cutie Cutie is on parenting duties, so the Chief Tosser does what comes naturally and pits Tate, Turbo and Nance against himself, Mr. Grumpy and Brett. The overnight frost has firmed up the greens and makes ball spotting in the rough a tad dodgy, so the boys quickly appreciate that useful upward handicap adjustments are on offer. The first three run away with the front nine and run up a 10 point cushion, largely due to an impressive 21 points from Tate. But the cold weather has caused some sort of metal atrophy in his square driver and it sounds more like a 1960's 'Swan Brand' kettle than ever. 

Fat-Boy, Mr. Grumpy and Brett pull themselves together on the back nine and shade it by two points to reduce the financial penalty to only £2. Tate's individual 38 takes the ten points and he loses a shot. Mr. Grumpy is next up with 35 - a par performance. Everyone else will move up next week excepting Cutie Cutie, whose continual non-appearances will make him the only single figure handicap Muffin come twelfth night. Turbo graciously accepts 9 camels and a duck but his (and Tate's) reputation as the joint Dukes of Hazard now passes to Brett who, for the third week running takes the camels; on this occasion just a baker's dozen. 

All are encouraged by the knowledge that the nights are now drawing out and all look forward expectantly to Christmas morning when impecunious, uncaring and thoughtless relatives will supply the usual tube of Top Flights, plastic tees, a right handed glove and a pair of novelty golf socks rather than the TaylorMade 'Burner' that was on the list. Bastards. 