It's the first day of Summer - Muffin time - but no one has told God who's decided to serve up a bright yet cold and blustery one for the opening match of the Summer Season.

The Summer season differs from the Winter season only in as much that the handicap adjustment system is even more arcane.

It's not clear whether Cutie-Cutie is unavailable or waiting (in vain) for the Fat-Boy to give him permission to play, so just the 7 Muffins perambulate to the 1st tee.

Fat-Boy chucks them up and potters off up the 1st with Brett and Turbo for company leaving Nance, Mr. Grumpy, DJ and Tate to ride drag. Along with DJ, Tate has only recently returned from South Carolina where he has seemingly left his game. He visits all parts of the course, as well as parts that aren't, on the first three holes. Nance is struggling with 'man-flu', Mr. Grumpy has a niggling DIY injury and DJ putts like Stevie Wonder, so at the sarnies the 4-ball are already 6 points in arrears.

It's Lawrence's 1st day in the sandwich hut (which has had a mezzanine floor fitted) and by common acclaim they are the best yet, and even accompanied by a decent sized cup of coffee.

Nance now elects himself Captain (non playing) and delivers a series of bollockings such that the 4-ball manage to squeak the back 9 by a point and reduce the fiscal deficit to only £2.

Brett has a good day, achieving his ambition of avoiding any double bogies to rack up 40 points. Mr. Grumpy nudges into 2nd spot with 36 just ahead of Fat-Boy with 35.

Tate and the Fab-Boy are the camel-meisters with 8 and 14 respectively.

On the patio DJ is thrown by a cheery English greeting from an unexpected source and for a moment it even seems that the fabled 'Curry Night' might be inked into the calendar, but no, it's another false start. 