With only one tee time in the ballot it's only Mr. Grumpy, Big-Dave and Fat-Boy who report for duty in front of the R&A. An early arrival dictated by protocal not only heightens the sense of occasion and anticipation, but also the nerves as the consequences of a crap tee shot in front of the assembled masses sinks in.

After a touching ceremony involving the exchange of £130 our heroes introduce themselves to the Starter. He delivers useful information about keeping the ball left as there is a stiff wind coming from left to right. Fat-Boy takes all this on board and immediately slices two balls out of bounds onto the beach. Big-Dave follows a useful drive with a duffed wedge. Mr. Grumpy hits his second shot short of the Swilken Burn and then duffs his chip into it. It could be a long day.

Accepted wisdom on the Old Course is to keep the ball left which Mr. Grumpy achieves with a succession of hooks but Fat-Boy, conquering earlier nerves starts to build a score. However, the weather closes in an by the turn it's lashing down and windy making holes 7 through 12 a lottery. Fortunately it breaks and the homeward stretch is in sunshine - but still very windy.

Standing on the 17th tee Fat-Boy points out that he knows he has to hit the ball over the "O" in "Old Course Hotel and Resort" but as there's several - which one? Big-Dave tops one over the dry stone wall and Mr. Grumpy chooses to hit a draw that misses the guard fence by a thou, the bay window of the last room on the 3rd floor of the hotel by a lesser margin, swings over the conservatory roof and finishes plum in the fairway in position A. Easy-peasy lemon squeezy.

On the 18th Big-Dave show-boats by hitting a big drive and a wedge to 5 feet to general acclaim from the watching crowd. Nonetheless it's the Fat-Boy who's derived the best value from his green fee with 35 points and no passes - except the 1st. 

A memorable if moist and low-scoring day.